Post by Spike on Mar 1, 2012 15:48:08 GMT -5
DISCORD DAY AT THE LIBRARY,
an account of the strange events at the end of the world
CAST OF CHARACTERS:
BARLEY RIGS, a female earth pony,
BLUEFEATHER, a young female pegasus,
CELESTIA, Sun Princess,
CHANCE, a male unicorn,
THE CHANCELLOR, a female earth pony,
DERPY, a female pegasus,
DUSK, a male unicorn,
FLUTTERSHY, a female pegasus
LUNA, Dark Goddess Princess of Night,
NETTLEGLUM, a female earth pony,
NIGHTRAVEN, a female paper pegasus,
SCOPE, a male unicorn and palace guard,
SPIKE, a female unicorn,
TWILIGHT SPARKLE, a male dragon
TO CONCLUDE WITH "We'll Meet Again" IN FULL CHORUS.
& % $ & % $ . . . PONYVILLE LIBRARY . . . $ % & $ % &
Impressive and mind-boggling on the outside, chaotic and overflowing on the inside, this is the Ponyville Library. It's not hard to see why townfolks occasionally call it "Books and Branches"--the structure is built entirely out of a broad-trunked, hardwood tree! Though most of its innards have been hollowed out, this tree is clearly somehow still alive, as thick green foliage covers the roof and rims the upper windows.
The lower level has a central room with a circulation desk, an equine bust on a pedestal, and books on every wall--it's not uncommon to see them heaped haphazardly in a pile. There's a kitchen and a pantry used by residents of the library--currently Twilight Sparkle, the princess's star pupil, and her dragon assistant, Spike.
The upper levels are dizzyingly irregular, built as they are along branches of the tree. Two overhangs are furnished with moss canopies. The upper levels are also packed with books that appear constantly about to pop out of place. They seem to be organized somehow, but it may be a good idea to ask the librarian if you need something in particular.
Finally, the top levels of the tree feature a bathroom and bedroom for permanent residents, along with an observation balcony on which sits a trusty telescope. The overall mood of the library is intellectually inspiring, venerable, and just a little insane.
Spike flops heavily down on her basket, nearly crushing it, and rests her head on her forelegs. "NOW what do we do? It's a madhouse out there, and we're still where we started!"
Twilight_Sparkle is tearing books frantically off shelves, rifling through them like mad. And getting frustrated at being unable to do this magically. "Dangit, using fingers takes practice and THAT'S TIME I DON'T FRIGGING HAVE!"
Spike looks up. "Maybe I can help!" She tries to levitate a book off the shelf, but it falls to the floor and then bursts into flame. "Oops."
Twilight_Sparkle frantically stomps on the flaming book, jumping up and down. "AAAAAAAAUGH!"
Spike cringes, and tries to curl up in the corner. "I'm sorry! I was just trying to help!"
Twilight_Sparkle resumes fumbling madly through books. "There's...there's NOTHING! There's NOTHING in the book about Discord reappearing!" His eyes narrow. "We're through the looking glass here, Spike," he declares, in an ominous voice.
Spike says, hopefully, "What about the Elements of Harmony? They worked last time...but I guess we'd have to figure out where everyone is." She rubs her head with a hoof, awkwardly.
Twilight_Sparkle nods, frowning. "And, getting Pinkie Pie to help might be harder this time. Discord's learned not to underestimate us again."
Spike touches a hoof to her horn. "You need another unicorn to help you, maybe. I'm...pretty useless, let's face it." She hangs her head.
Twilight_Sparkle says "Aw, Spike. You're still my greatest ever assistant."
Twilight_Sparkle gives himself a hug, in one of the weirdest sweet gestures ever.
Spike licks Twilight's cheek, and sniffles a little. After a moment she lifts her head. "Hey, what about Scope? Do you think he could help? I mean, assuming Discord hasn't already done something to him."
Twilight_Sparkle says "Spike! Could you go and ask him? I'd go but..." He bites his lip. "It'd just be too weird! I'm going to stay here and look at spells that might help that you might be able to do."
Spike cringes and bites her lip. "How...how will I explain? I think if I try to pretend to be you, it won't end well."
Twilight_Sparkle says "Chance! Chance, you're a unicorn! Maybe you can help us!"
Chance pushes into the library, hoping some certain pony is going to make it after him. He's trying to hide someone, and glances around, tipping his ears back. Where's Barley? Spikes (?) voice catches the ears and he glances over at her a moment before Barley arrives. "Me? What can I do? I was kind of hoping Twilight could help!" He glances over to who he thinks is Twilight. "You can.. right?"
Barley_Rigs makes it there, still looking a little skittish from the madness outside, legs bent slightly as she walks like a scolded dog, peering over her shoulder as she makes her escape under Chance's direction. "Help? I thought I needed help. But I'm starting to think my issues are really the least of the universe's problems tonight," she mutters. "This is ridiculous. No-- not ridiculous, this is dangerous. That thing is out of its effing mind. What does it //want//?"
Spike blinks, then blushes and tries to edge back into the corner a bit. "I, uhm...I would try, but every time I try to use magic it just goes wrong. I'm not used to this! You're right, Twilight, I'm better off as your assistant." She covers her eyes with her hooves.
Twilight_Sparkle holds up his hand. "I'm the real Twilight Sparkle and I think I can answer that," the small dragon says. Taking a stand atop a pedestal of books, he spreads his little arms wide. "That thing out there is Discord! He's ancient. I think he's even older than Celestia. He used to rule Equestria, before anypony called it that. And he wants things to make as little sense as they possibly can."
Chance glances over at Barley, looking a bit relieved. At least she got inside, though is a bit more female then he remembers. He glances between the unicorn and dragon... and blinks. "Oh, you have got to be kidding me.." his ears splaying in annoyance. "Well.. gotta admit, he's certainally succeeded in that. I think it'd be hard to make any less sense then it does now." he says with a light huff. Is he the only normal pony left standing? If he isn't, he has a feeling it won't be long before he is. "But.. what can I do?" he asks confused, remembering to address the dragon.
The dragon certainly seems to know what it's talking about, that's for sure. And as Barley has yet to meet either dragon or unicorn she's not necessarily even perplexed at the fact. Still, she nods her head. "There's got to be something that can be done. Where did it come from? How can we get it to go back there?"
Spike peers at Twilight addressing everyone, pondering. Does she really look that tiny and sound that squeaky? She always pictured herself as so much more...impressive. She shakes her head to clear it. "The last we saw Discord, he'd been turned to stone with the Elements of Harmony. We're not sure how he got loose again. And our plan is...uhm...you take that one, Twilight."
Twilight_Sparkle is flipping madly through a book, or as madly as he can. Learning to use fingers turns out to be a bit like learning to use chopsticks. There's a learning curve. "Our only hope might be to find an organizing force more powerful than Discord's Chaos! That's what was missing! We need a pony so OBSESSIVELY ORGANIZED that she's..." The little dragon boy suddenly looks up, eyes wide. "That's IT. I'M the anti-Discord!"
Barley_Rigs looks from Chance to the dragon and back again, unsure if that reasoning makes any logical sense at all, and maybe hoping that Chance will know better than she does. She hesitates, then, addressing the little dragon, "Uh... okay... so... we go organize it?" she ventures timidly, unsure how someone would go on and tidy that mess out there. "Do we need a... broom?"
( KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK! "Surely she'll be home!" KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK! Idle chatter goes on for a moment. "Well, I just don't want to be ru- wait, Princess." KNOCK KNOCK CRRRRK! A very long, elegant and sharpish white horn digs its way through the upper portion of the library's front door. "AHHHH! STUCK! Luna, pull! GRIP HARDER!" )
Spike walks over to the door, peers at the horn, then realizes she has no earthly idea how to open it now that she's a pony and doesn't have fingers. "Uh...Twilight? Little help?"
Luna's voice echoes from behind the door, "If I grip any harder, our subjects will get an incorrect opinion of our relationship and distribute satirical portraits performing improper acts with thy name changed in fiendish word play. Thou are just out of shape. It's done like this!" There's another crack, and a blue horn penetrates the door beside the white horn. After a moment's silence, the second voice adds, "What an impressively sturdy door."
Chance looks as confused as Barley. He glances over to the now-female pony. "I'm not sure if that means I can help. If.." He blinks as something crashes through the door, and he glances back at the horn. After a few moments another horn joins it. He's closer to the door then Twilight, so quickly reaches over with his muzzle, snags the doornob in his teeth, and gives it a twist to let the door open.. if the alicorns on the other side allow for it.
Twilight_Sparkle sighs exasperatedly. This, he thinks, is my mentor. The central figure in my world. Indeed, in THE world. And her sister, the yin to her yang, the princesses of light and darkness, all things embodied...some days are JUST so disillusioning. The dragon hops off his stack of books and toddles over to the door. Reaching up, he tries to tug the door open...but of course NOW it's stuck on a couple of horns.
Barley_Rigs looks to gain some comfort from the look she shares with Chance. She's got no clue, he's got no clue, but at least she's pretty sure she's not going insane. Her eyes stay in that comfort zone a long moment before she jumps somewhat at the banging on the door, wheeling about with a clatter of hooves on floorboards, peering skeptically at the door as it seems someponies have forgotten how to use the thing.
"If I wasn't in shape, how come every satirical portrait focuses on MY plot?" Celestia mutters. "Fine. FIRE IN THE HOLE! Well, door. STAND BACK!" The door suddenly shimmers a dazzling gold before exploding into a million tiny shards and splinters for Spike to clean up later. "Twilight!" Celestia shouts with glee upon seeing the delightful purple pony. "Would you mind if we crashed here for a week? Or two? Or maybe a month? Or year. Or something." She hovers forward several dozen heavy-looking pieces of luggage and drops them on Spike. "Oh! This is Luna. SAY HELLO LUNA!" she turns and shouts into her sister's ear. And, oh, Celestia's wearing an extraordinarily colorful hawaiian shirt and has some sunglasses perched above her head.
Spike bows rather gracelessly to the alicorns. Then a look of fear starts to spread over her face as she suddenly realizes that, as a pony, she's probably expected to address royalty somehow, instead of just being seen and not heard. But how? Usually she zoned out and thought about Rarity during this part of the ceremony! She takes a deep breath and tries not to panic. "Ahem. Princesses! It's an honor to have you in our humble home...err, library. To what do we owe the present pleasure of your current visiting?"
Luna is not dressed as ludicrously as her sister. She's fashionably pony naked, except for sleek mirror-shaded sunglasses. Some clothes might have been a good idea to conceal her obvious bikini tan lines, but she's not wearing them. Under her wings are yet more packages, and she trots in with her tail swishing galactically and drops all of them on top of Twilight. "Be thou a good slave creature and place these in the largest bedroom, sirrah," she informs the former unicorn. Then she trots gaily over to Spike and bellows, "OUR SISTER'S PRIZED PUPIL! HUZZAH! MANY ARE THE STORIES SHE TELLS OF HOW GREAT HER LOVE FOR THEE IS, DESPITE THY MANY NEUROSES! WE SHALL ENJOY STAYING IN THY EXTREMELY HUMBLE HOME FOR AWHILE."
Chance quickly backs away from the door as it splinters into toothpicks, then looks oddly at the two princesses as they prance through the ex-door, deposit packages on unicorn-spike, and tips his ears back a bit at the bellowing of Luna. Well, if he was hoping for something normal from them, he certainally didn't get his wish. Could things get any weirder. He looks at dragon-Twilight, hoping she can give some explination.
And coming into the open door (falling, really) is one of the royal guardponies, stumbling a few steps in and collapsing onto his side with an agonized groan. He's clad in armor but the front chest area with the cyan blue star is completely gone, the only hint it was there are charred spots where his armor now terminates. Unfortunately a bit of the stallion's coat is rather singed as well, the area extending from the top of his chest up to just under his throat.
"Holy crabapples, is that--" Barley starts off, only to rear up with all a-hinnio when the charred guard skids into the building, panicking this way and that, spooked, as skittish fillies are wont to get. "That thing's killing ponies out there," she rather pleads with... anypony... to do //anything//.
Twilight_Sparkle looks at Chance. He raises a hand, and opens his mouth, as if to speak. then closes his mouth again. Then twitches. Then twitches again. "Hee..." And then "Heehee!" And then he falls off the stack of books he's on, laughing insanely. He rolls around on the floor laughing until he gets the hiccups. At which point he begins inadvertently teleporting various objects in front of Celestia.
"HER UNLIMITABLE NEUROSES ARE PART OF HER CHARM BELOVED SISTER!" Celestia bellows, the force of her voice sending Twilight's creepy yet traditional wooden pony head statue-thing flying about the room like a rag doll. "Oh also we brought you a gift!" she says, stepping over Scope's smoldering body/corpse casually. Well, with her front hooves, anyway. Her back hoofs step on him several times before she uses him as a cushion, planting her thorough plot down onto his spine. Looking uncomfortable, the Princess of the Sun grimaces and wiggles down onto him a few times "You really need new furniture, Twilight!" she comments before giving an irritated huff and getting back to her hooves. Nonetheless, she hovers over aforementioned gift - a ziplock baggy full of little drink umbrellas.
Scope slowly reaches up with his hooves and briskly removes his helmet, dropping it to the floor with a grumble. .. But then all of sudden he's got hindhooves jabbing into his side which brings another yelp of pain but is quickly cut off when there's a giant plot crashing down upon his spine. He trembles, eyes shifting upwards to see the form of the sun princess looming over him, biting into his lower lip to conceal any more sounds of his discomfort. .. Or comfort, all things considering.
Chance blinks as Twilight starts having a giggling fit, apparently over the oddity that are the the princesses. He's blinking alot today, apparently. "Um.. Twilight? These -are- the princesses, right?" he asks, hoping the hickups stop. After all, he's seen body-swapping today. No telling if these actually are the princesses.
Spike watches Twilight with concern, then rolls her eyes. Feeling like the only sane one in the room is...well, not entirely unfamiliar, but she's not used to taking the lead role, that's for sure. Clearly, though, it's going to come down to her explaining this. She tentatively approaches Celestia. "Uh, that's actually *Twilight* you just dumped your luggage on. It's me that's actually the sla...that's actually Spike. Something weird has happened...maybe you can help?" She hesitates a moment, wondering if she should also point out that Celestia is sitting on one of her own palace guards, but decides she shouldn't push her luck. She sets her rump down and looks up hopefully at the alicorns.
Luna having deposited her luggage, has a moment of propriety and steps back to the door to wipe her hooves on Scope. That leaves her free to listen to Spike's explanation of the difficult circumstances with a friendly smile. "HO HO! THOU WERE CORRECT, BELOVED SISTER! HER FEEBLE GRASP ON REALITY IS MOST CHARMING! THOU WERE RIGHT ABOUT HER ATTRACTIVENESS AS WELL. THOU MADE NO MENTION OF HER TALENTED SLAVE BEAST, HOWEVER!" Luna's horn flashes, and every time one of Twilight's personal treasures is teleported into place in front of the alicorns, it's flung out one of the room's windows. "IT IS ALMOST AS THOUGH HE HAD THE POWERS OF A UNICORN HIMSELF!" No, she's not listening to a word Spike says.
Barley_Rigs's jaw drops as the princess drops her arse right on the wounded guard. Lower lip tremors, and she's rendered speechless a long while before, "Did you... did you guys not notice the //monster// out there //turning ponies into toasters// and //killing people//?" she asks them, words dripping with incredulousness, if not quite anger. "Get the //hoof// off of him," she goes on. She lowers her head and charges to headbutt the princess in the flank and get her off of the injured stallion.
Celestia turns to Twilight-Spike as she approaches in order to explain the conundrum currently perplexing their domain. Of course, she's quickly distracted by her beloved sister, aand spreads out her wings. "INDEED! I AM MOST PROUD OF MY MOST PRIZED IF MENTALLY UNSTABLE STUDENT!" Celestia shouts as she rises up into the air in the middle of the library. About to bathe everyone in the glorious light of her presence, the Princess is suddenly interrupted by a terrible attack of the munchies. She lands back on the ground with a SLAM. And then gets a horn in the flank. Strangely, she doesn't seem to min- er notice. She trots off into the kitchen before returning a moment later with a massive, Dagwood-style sandwich that she eats in one bite. "WE SHALL ONLY REMAIN HERE UNTIL THE LEASE THAT CLOWN SCHOOL HOLDS ON THE PALACE ENDS. OR BURSTS INTO FLAMES." Apparently Canterlot voice is back in style. Caps lock is cruise control for kool. "OR BOTH. I BLAME YOU, SISTER."
( Breathing a sigh of relief (..or is it disappointment?) when Celestia's ponderous posterier provides a perfect time to get back up, only to have the Night Princess rub her front hooves over the charred area of his chest which causes him to shudder quietly in agony, eventually getting himself up to the point where he's able to sit down and stare at the floor infront of his forehooves. )
Hopefully the library isn't too full for one more Element, because another is coming through the door. Fluttershy backs in, crawling backwards in a terrified crouch, covered in cake and (presumably) still toting Bluefeather on her back. When the dirt beneath her nose turns into wood, she finally raises her head and lets out the breath she's been holding. "TWILIGHT, HELP! I've been split in half by Discord! There's another me running around and I think it's a bad me and I've been cursed to shout out every secret thought I have and it's only a matter of time until I start to say things I won't even admit to myself and-" She claps yellow hooves over yellow mouth, and her eyes well up with tears. "I...I-I'm sorry."
Chance glances over as Barley tries to head-butt the princess. "Barley.. wait!" Too late. He winces a bit and sighs, realizing this is probably going to be a rather long night. He flops down to his rump, raising his brow as Celestia comes in with a huge sandwhich, and glomps it down. But Fluttershy's entrance distracts him from even that. He honestly doesn't even know what to say about that, so he just watches the weirdness quietly at the moment.
BlueFeather is perched on Fluttershy's back between her wings. She sticks her tongue out at Twilight, and Spike, then curls up between Fluttershy's wings, not seeing anyting directly a threat to Fluttershy
Spike drums her hooves on the floor in frustration. "I'm not crazy, I'm really Spike! Or anyway, I was, but..." She stops, realizing this is probably not making her seem LESS crazy, and that chewing out the ruler of all Equestria is probably not a good idea. She glances at Twilight, still rolling around giggling...no real help there. Then her eyes meet Fluttershy's. "Can you tell Celestia I really am Spike?"
Derpy is the next to enter the library--through the window, followed closely by an onslaught of animate, jaw-munching eclairs. With vanilla wafer tongues. Derpy slams the window shut after her, getting it quickly smeared, and lands, bearing two sofa cushions strapped to her on either side. She briskly pulls out a long rolled-up poster from one of the cushion's unzipped pockets...and then shakes it to unfurl it, revealing it to actually be Nightraven in convenient compact form. But even this relatively competent Derpy isn't prepared for what she sees in the library. "Buuhh... The princesses?!?"
A few muffled yelps and yells escapes Derpy's bag until Nightraven is pulled free and 'shaked' open so to speak. A faint whimper escapes the 2D papered pony and she 'crumples' to settle back upon her haunches looking a might be smeared in certain areas from thngs she got hit by when outside. "Thank you Derpy.." There is a pause and she blinks and she tilts her head to peer one way and then another. "Um.. woah.." Soon escapes her.
Luna bellows back at Celestia, "START THEE NOT THAT! WHO WAS THE PONY WHO LOST THE ENTIRE TREASURY IN PONYCARLO? WHY, IF THE CASINO HAD NOT MYSTERIOUSLY BEEN FLATTENED BY A COMPLETELY COINCIDENTAL METEOR STRIKE EQUESTRIA WOULD BE BANKRUPT! AS SOON AS THE MONEY IS RETURNED TO THE ROYAL COFFERS, NO DOUBT THE PALACE CAN BE REPURCHASED." Sauntering cheerfully up to Celestia, her butt with the giant pale tan line triangle on it turned to her subjects, Luna asks, "ARE THEE TO CONSUME THAT?" and leans in to start chowing down on the sandwich... from Celestia's end.
Twilight_Sparkle toddles up to Spike. "Here's the situation, Spike. The world is ending. If there's anything you've always wanted to do, I'd consider doing it. Except that you'd have to do it in my body. So maybe you should try doing something *I* would want to do." He pauses. "But...then by that logic I'd want to kiss Rarity. And also..." His eyes light up. "Spike! Tell me where you keep your stash of jewels!"
"I WAS ON A WINNING STREAK! YOU WERE THE ONE WHO DISTRACTED ME BY GETTING DRUNK AND TRYING TO TAKE THOSE CATACOMBS BACK TO NETTLEGLUM." The Princess frowns and squints her eyes at Luna as she begins consuming her sandwich. HER SANDWICH. THE ONE SHE THOUGHT SHE HAD ALREADY EATEN. This is what happens when you get two almighty goddesses around each other for an extended period of time. "Wut." Celestia's eyes smolder at her sister. "DO I NEED REMIND YOU HOW OUR LAST ARGUMENT WENT?" Princess Celestia's horn glows a brillant gold. "MOON."
Luna extends her wings, revealing the little orange inflatable things still wrapped around the base of them. "WE REMEMBER FULL WELL, YEA, BETTER THAN THEE, PROFLIGATE! WE REMEMBER THAT THOU WERE HELPLESS AS A FOAL WITHOUT THE ELEMENTS OF HARMONY. SO WE ASK THEE NOW, MARSHMALLOW PLOT..." Slowly and deliberately, she leans her head down and licks a meatball out of Celestia's sandwich, chews, and swallows. "WHAT ARE THEE GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?"
Scope pipes up from across the room. "I happen to like marshmallow plots.." Then he goes back to staring at the floor, whee.
Fluttershy's hooves drop from her mouth and dangle uselessly at her sides. The Princesses? ...the world is ending? "Um, y-yes. That r-really is Spike." These words are forced out through clenched teeth, like Fluttershy is trying very, very carefully to control her mouth. "A-and that's Twilight." The village vet scoots one hoof at a time across the floor to stand by her friends. The Princesses are here. Derpy is lucid. Twilight and Spike are right there. "...is the world really ending?"
Spike's eyes widen as the import of Twilight's words sinks in. "Wait! The world can't come to an end! It's where I keep all my stuff! The gems I've been aging! My...special magazines!" She thinks hard. Clearly the situation is dire and calls for desperate measures. "You can have *half* my stash of gems. You gotta leave the rest just in case the world doesn't end. I hid them behind our copy of 'Dating Tips for Unicorns' because figured that would never come up."
Derpy comes up behind Fluttershy, stunned by all the strange words coming from...is that the Mare in the Moon?! And...Celestia, back from Limbo?? Her mind whirring quickly, Derpy looks this way and that, and then leaps and dives, doing the only thing a mare of good conscience in this situation can do--and throws herself over the sandwich. "NoOoOOooooOooo!!!" she wails.
Chance facehooves as best as he can. Things are dire, dangerous, delerious.. and the princesses are having a snit. "Well, if the world is ending, at least it isn't sane enough to notice.." he mumbles.
BlueFeather chirps up softly to Dusk, from her perch between Fluttershy's wings
"YOU DARE TO CALL YOUR OLDER SISTER PROFLIGATE?!?!?! THE ONE WHO WEANED AND GUIDED YOU THROUGH SO MANY YEARS OF ADORABLE TUMBLING WHEN I WAS ALREADY FLYING? I SAY TO YOU, MY MOST BELOVED SISTER." Celestia leans her head down. Her horn shimmers, and a meatball gets stabbed onto her sister's horn. "BRING IT." And with that, a wall gets ripped out from the side of the library and proceeds to slam against her sister.
Twilight_Sparkle scurries eagerly to the bookshelf. Eureka! Right where Spike suggested! Gems! Delicious gems! Which are...basically rocks. He takes up an emerald and squints at it.He sniffs it, then touches it against a fang, as if not quite believing he's about to bite into a rock...he stares at it...then can't quite go through with it, though he keeps the gem in his hand. No, he has other ideas. He stacks up some books, and climbs up atop them, a small dragon on a rickety book pedestal. He spreads his arms wide, and bellows, inasmuch as someone with such a squeaky voice can bellow, "FELLOW PONIES! BEHOLD THE END OF EQUESTRIA! OUR PRINCESSES HAVE GONE UTTERLY FREAKED-OUT SPACE NUTS! DISCORD'S CHAOS IS ABOUT TO RIP THE WORLD APART! SEIZE THE MOMENT! DO IT! DO IT NOW!"
NightRaven sniffles out faintly while she shifts and leans against the couch that Derpy had come in on, and then 'shook' her out. The 2D pony is quiet not while listening to the others, she takes in a breath and lets her head rest against a pillow and eye the window. At the louder voices from the two sister she blinks and glances towards them before a faint whimper escapes her. If they start fighting she hopes they stay farfar away from her..
Screams of mortal terror from ponies dashing past the library windows, NeatoGlee in cheerful pursuit outside the hot, acrid scent of burning sugar wafting through the damaged library walls. It appears the gingerbread pony is attempting Smile Reinforcement Protocol Nine, which involves a plate-spinning act while tap-dancing. As she lurches after the ponies demanding joy in the name of the beloved Chancellor.
Luna squeals in shock, "NOOOO! NOT THE SANDWICH!" as Derpy smacks into it, tearing the delicious hoagie from the grip of a Celestia who wasn't much paying attention anyway. Luna is also not paying attention, thanks to Derpy, and the wall smacks into her, slamming her into and through the opposite wall, scattering books everywhere! And yet, that rubble cracks in two, and Luna emerges from it, her body flickering with blue fire - except for her eyes and her bikini tan lines, which flicker with white fire. "TOO FAR, CELESTIA. THOU HAVE GONE TOO FAR. FOR THE LIFE OF THIS NOBLE SANDWICH, THAT WHICH WE LOVED ABOVE ALL ELSE, TRAMPLED AND DESTROYED BY THY HUBRIS, WE SHALL END THIS FOREVER!" And with that... no magic. She rears, and plunges horn-first towards Celestia with snakelike speed!
The_Chancellor is revealed standing behind the hole where the room's fourth wall used to stand before it was Princessed away. "Well, okay, Twilight!" The pink pony says cheerfully. She trots over to Twilight's body and its current occupant, sweeps off her pudding hat, and dipkisses the filly. Putting her hat back on, she says, "'Scuse me. Gotta grab some milk before somebody fixes all this. Man, it was fun being in charge!" With that, she trots out the former door and into the pages of history.
"Your highnesses!" Scope yells out and takes a step forward but stops to grimace, quickly shaking it off and breaking off into a gallop towards the dueling princesses with his horn glowing bright. "Please! Stop this at once!" Whether he's on a suicide mission or not it's not exactly clear, but he kicks off with his backlegs and sails in the air towards the smaller of the two, hoping to tackle the night princess.
This is it. The big one. Twilight and Luna and even *Celestia* all say the world is going to end. "Is the world going to end? I've never felt a world end before. I-I'm sorry, I don't know what to look f-" Then Pinkie comes through, and all bets are off. Seeing her, the gaskets on Fluttershy's brain pop off and the secret valves fly wide open. Even the walls flying about and alicorns dueling don't really seem to register. To everypony else, it looks like Fluttershy's eyes have gone full-on Discord-spiral.
Celestia was not apparently paying much attention to the sandwich, but still managed to pluck off a meatball to spear onto Luna's horn. Because that's what sisters do! "TOO FAR? IIII HAVE GONE TO FAR? WAS IT NOT YOU WHO WENT TOO FAR WHEN YOU MADE ME SIT THROUGH THAT HORRID RENDITION OF 'PONY OF THE DANCE'? OR THAT ATROCIOUS REMAKE OF 'MAYOR GOES MARE MAYOR MARE'?! WAS IT NOT YOU WHO WENT TOO FAR WHEN YOU USED THE GUARD PENSION FOR THAT ONE GOLDEN CAT STATUE?! AND NOW I MUST AVENGE MY NOBLE SANDWICH!" How Celestia has the time for this long speech is anyone's guess. Maybe they're in an anime now or something dunno. "CHAAAAAAAARGE!!!!" the Princess narrates herself as she plunges towards Luna with her horn, her whole body encased in a furious glow of white and gold. As they meet, a sudden explosion of blinding light shoots out like a supernova.
Derpy watches from the floor where she lies clutching the sandwich, apparently tactically diminished by her inability to see in two directions at once. Her tail barely escapes getting smashed by chunks of the broken wall. She stares after the departing Chancellor...and sniffsniffs. The hoagie. Is that a..."Meatball?" She rises to her feet. "Meat?!? What is this barbary!? This savage iniquity?! This atrocious violation of culinary law???!" She hurls the hoagie wildly at Celestia, since the equally brave and/or suicidal Scope seems to have Luna taken care of. If the moment must be seized, Derpy means to take it! "What poor creatures have you been eating, Princess? You should be ASHAMED of yourself!!" Her wings rise, covered in marinara sauce.
NightRaven swallow slightly as she hears the two sisters fighting it out, and then the smell of burning sugar from outside actually makes her wiggle about and slide herself under the sofa. Her head lifting so she can peer out one eyed from it, which may seem a bit creepy. At the talk of the world ending reaches her she whimpers out a moment, she doesn't want to die a paper pony!
Spike staggers sideways a little and blushes, the dangerous battle around her momentarily forgotten in the afterglow of an unexpected kiss from Chancellor Puddinghead. "Wowwww. Maybe I've been chasing the wrong pony! Spikey Pie...has a nice ring to it." As last thoughts before one is immolated by the apocalyse go, it's not a bad one!
Chance sighs and wonders idly what'll be like after the end of the world. After all, with his luck, he might actually live to see it! He makes a mental note to bite Discord for it. Many times.
Twilight_Sparkle finally seizes the moment! He bites into the gem in his hands...and closes his eyes blissfully. "Oh my goodness, Spike...it's like eating a star! I can see why you're always snacking on these! I'll never ever make fun of your cravings for gems again!" He emits an audible moan of pleasure, feeling the gem melt in his dragony mouth. "Unnnnnnhhhhh." he says.
Luna strikes Celestia horn to horn, two dark sillhouettes in a blaze of light... into which is thrown the sandwich. That cursed sandwich, tainted with the greatest sin of carnivorism. It strikes their horns, binding them together in corruption... and the two ponies sink into it. Their sillhouettes twist and mash together in the light, letting out a [BUY SOME APPLES]ish shriek that blows the roof off of the library! When it fades, other voices replace it. The bodies of the fallen, murdered by The Chancellor's delicious confectionary regime, lurch upright and begin to sing, chanting in high-pitched chorus something about 'four tuna' and 'statuary on his knees''
Twilight_Sparkle looks at the half-eaten gem in her hand...then back up at the scene...then back at the gem...and eagerly scarfs the rest of it. "You never TOLD me how hard you TRIP on these things! If I told you what I just saw, you'd never believe me!"
Moments before impact the lighting of the sandwich sends out a wave of energy which severely knocks Scope off course, sending him rocketing across the room and slamming hard into a bookshelf spine-first with a sickening crack, head snapping back and thumping against one of the shelves before the stallion drops to the floor in an awkward heap.
Dusk staggers in at the last moment sure to save the day, but comes crashing instead, not realizing it's just a bit too late! His derpy-eyes try to take in what all is going on, though all he gets out is a, "Oh shoot..."
Derpy watches the damage her hurling of the sandwich caused...from the apparent death of Scope to the destruction of the library's roof to the melding and warping of the ancient princesses...and her mane stands up, and her face twitches...and her eyes roll down their sclera in opposite directions. Derpy sits there on the floor, derpy once more!! And she can't say a word.
BlueFeather pops up a little from where she is, between Fluttershy's wings, and tosses pies at Celestia, Discord, and Luna!
NightRaven stays hidden under the sofa, a faint whimper escaping her at the sight before her. Her eyes are wide and her 2D form quivering while she lowers her head and quivers while the two princesses battle about, sandwich goes flying, did some pony just get shot outa the roof.. An.. What happened to the roof? Its another moment before this pony just passes out and well, lays flat upon the floor seeming to disappear as if the is possible.
Fluttershy says, "W-well, if the world is really going to end," she gulps painfully, "t-then I guess maybe being forces to speak my mind isn't such a bad thing after all, unless I hurt somepony's feelings doing it, in which case, it would be..."
Derpy is actually on the new roof...which is made of cotton candy, so it seems. The library landed upside-down, and books are now everywhere. She slowly starts to cry...but then bends down to the surface beneath her, drawn by a sweet scent...and starts timidly eating cherry cotton candy, a childish grin on her face.
Celestia shouts "Above the blasted shell of Twilight's library, out of the shining light and surrounded by a divine choir chanting about giving an octopus boots, rises a figure of blasphemous bauty! A titanic great white mare floats, her four wings, white and blue spread in a cross while four forelegs grope and flail blindly. Around her the remains of a hawaiian shirt mix with the clouds to form a floating sash, and the sleek white head fixes Discord with a baleful, gleaming-eyed stare! Yet the voice comes from the hanging, drooling blue head sticking out of her back. "DISCORD!" it shrieks, "THY DAY IS ENDED. WE SEE THE TRUTH NOW, THE PERFECT HARMONY OF TWO PONIES IN ONE. NOW CELESTIROTH SHALL CAPTURE THEE FOREVER, AND PURIFY THIS TAINTED WORLD WITHIN OUR GLORY!" And with that, both mouths open wide and inhale." (Public-shout)
Fluttershy gulps again. "Twilight, I'm going to be perfectly honest, because apparently, I don't have a choice right now, and I'm very sorry about that. B-but ever since we went on our first adventure together and defeated Prin- I mean Nightmare Moon, I've been thinking..." She sidles a little closer...to Spike.
Fluttershy's eyes spin up. Like a record. The madness intensifies.
Derpy sits in the eye of the cataclysm, blissfully sitting on a pink cloud (some of which is in her mouth), surrounded by fallen ponies, fallen books, and fallen sandwich toppings. Around her, the survivors of the madness regale each other with confessions and express their deepest and most sequestered passion. On the mare's right cheek and down her neck are postage stamps; on her flank is grape jam and on her wings is marinara. She sits in a stupor, yet some wispy feathercurl of her mind dreams wistfully of all that could have been... if only. And her eyes close for the last time.
Her last thought is of Dinky...happy.
Scope twitches a little from his spot on the floor, taking in a last gasping breath and swallowing a little bit. "..goodbye, Firefly." The broken stallion sudders and lets out a final gasp before going perfectly still, save for that breath escaping him for the last time. His eyes, wide and unblinking are forever locked on some random point up in the cotton-candy cloud sky.
BlueFeather keeps lobbing pies, well what else can she do?
Spike opens her mouth as if to correct Fluttershy, but then stops. It's the end of the world. Might as well let her confess, even if it's to the wrong pony. Or...the right pony, but the wrong dragon. She nuzzles the pegasus tenderly.
Dusk tries valiantly once last time, his confused mind and confused eyes.. to fight it, to focus.. But as the world starts to crumble about.. even still he can't.. as hard as he can. He for once gives up. Lets it all go. His eyes going one way and another... and.. he can seem to understand it all.. He smiles and a tear comes to his eye.
Twilight_Sparkle looks into Fluttershy's eyes...and kisses her, tenderly, little purple hand stroking along the edge of the pegasus's face.
PUB >> Discord seems little concerned at first, scarcely looking up from his drowsy, plush throne while he sips the glass away from a cylinder of chocolate milk. But when his gaze doubletakes on the heavenly spectacle, he frazzles from the top of his antler to the final scale of his tail, and in a tizzy spits out his drink, reforming the cup around the beverage. "Holy [BETCHA CANT EAT ALL THESE APPLES]." He drops his cocoa and the liquid shatters, the glass splats and pools. Scrambling in a panic, Discord flings desperate magics into the voracious vortex: pies, cotton candy, wheels of cheese and kettlecorn -- anything filling! The doomed chimera whips through the air, out of control towards his fate - until in one last futile gesture, he grips his statue, long body flagging in the wind. "The magic of one pony!...One heart!...One song!" His talons don't release, but the statue fractures at its base, and the entire edifice, along with the draconequus, is drawn inexorably into the void.
PUB >> Discord wails defiantly, "Mark my words, ponies: I shall returrrrrrrn!" ... (Spin-off series, keep your hooves crossed!)"
Celestia shouts "As the chorus chants its way towards the Final Stop, space itself twists, spiraling - crushing ponies, crushing the land and the sky and the clouds. All that was, is, and will be is sucked into those twin maws and their inevitable abyss. The choir is sucked down last, urging all ponies to be good for Peace Monkey's sake. Alone, everything and nothing, eternal and fleeting, Celestiroth fades. All that is left are the Words: BUT... THE FUTURE REFUSED TO CHANGE. With that, the universe that ought to have been reappears - and everything is right and good once more." (Public-shout)
Derpy shouts "And that, good ponies, is why we only have a Leap Day once every four years! <shuts textbook>" (Public-shout)
Note by Spike, your humble scribe: I've corrected some minor typos where I noticed them. I also fixed pose order in a few cases, where the parties involved had OOCly agreed to change it during the RP.
PUB >> Discord says, "So just as a FWIW kinda thing: Chaos = treats rain from the sky and you live, Harmony = you are devoured and/or crushed by your own goddess. Just remember that when you cast your ballots for world leader next time.
"
an account of the strange events at the end of the world
CAST OF CHARACTERS:
BARLEY RIGS, a female earth pony,
BLUEFEATHER, a young female pegasus,
CELESTIA, Sun Princess,
CHANCE, a male unicorn,
THE CHANCELLOR, a female earth pony,
DERPY, a female pegasus,
DUSK, a male unicorn,
FLUTTERSHY, a female pegasus
LUNA, Dark Goddess Princess of Night,
NETTLEGLUM, a female earth pony,
NIGHTRAVEN, a female paper pegasus,
SCOPE, a male unicorn and palace guard,
SPIKE, a female unicorn,
TWILIGHT SPARKLE, a male dragon
TO CONCLUDE WITH "We'll Meet Again" IN FULL CHORUS.
& % $ & % $ . . . PONYVILLE LIBRARY . . . $ % & $ % &
Impressive and mind-boggling on the outside, chaotic and overflowing on the inside, this is the Ponyville Library. It's not hard to see why townfolks occasionally call it "Books and Branches"--the structure is built entirely out of a broad-trunked, hardwood tree! Though most of its innards have been hollowed out, this tree is clearly somehow still alive, as thick green foliage covers the roof and rims the upper windows.
The lower level has a central room with a circulation desk, an equine bust on a pedestal, and books on every wall--it's not uncommon to see them heaped haphazardly in a pile. There's a kitchen and a pantry used by residents of the library--currently Twilight Sparkle, the princess's star pupil, and her dragon assistant, Spike.
The upper levels are dizzyingly irregular, built as they are along branches of the tree. Two overhangs are furnished with moss canopies. The upper levels are also packed with books that appear constantly about to pop out of place. They seem to be organized somehow, but it may be a good idea to ask the librarian if you need something in particular.
Finally, the top levels of the tree feature a bathroom and bedroom for permanent residents, along with an observation balcony on which sits a trusty telescope. The overall mood of the library is intellectually inspiring, venerable, and just a little insane.
Spike flops heavily down on her basket, nearly crushing it, and rests her head on her forelegs. "NOW what do we do? It's a madhouse out there, and we're still where we started!"
Twilight_Sparkle is tearing books frantically off shelves, rifling through them like mad. And getting frustrated at being unable to do this magically. "Dangit, using fingers takes practice and THAT'S TIME I DON'T FRIGGING HAVE!"
Spike looks up. "Maybe I can help!" She tries to levitate a book off the shelf, but it falls to the floor and then bursts into flame. "Oops."
Twilight_Sparkle frantically stomps on the flaming book, jumping up and down. "AAAAAAAAUGH!"
Spike cringes, and tries to curl up in the corner. "I'm sorry! I was just trying to help!"
Twilight_Sparkle resumes fumbling madly through books. "There's...there's NOTHING! There's NOTHING in the book about Discord reappearing!" His eyes narrow. "We're through the looking glass here, Spike," he declares, in an ominous voice.
Spike says, hopefully, "What about the Elements of Harmony? They worked last time...but I guess we'd have to figure out where everyone is." She rubs her head with a hoof, awkwardly.
Twilight_Sparkle nods, frowning. "And, getting Pinkie Pie to help might be harder this time. Discord's learned not to underestimate us again."
Spike touches a hoof to her horn. "You need another unicorn to help you, maybe. I'm...pretty useless, let's face it." She hangs her head.
Twilight_Sparkle says "Aw, Spike. You're still my greatest ever assistant."
Twilight_Sparkle gives himself a hug, in one of the weirdest sweet gestures ever.
Spike licks Twilight's cheek, and sniffles a little. After a moment she lifts her head. "Hey, what about Scope? Do you think he could help? I mean, assuming Discord hasn't already done something to him."
Twilight_Sparkle says "Spike! Could you go and ask him? I'd go but..." He bites his lip. "It'd just be too weird! I'm going to stay here and look at spells that might help that you might be able to do."
Spike cringes and bites her lip. "How...how will I explain? I think if I try to pretend to be you, it won't end well."
Twilight_Sparkle says "Chance! Chance, you're a unicorn! Maybe you can help us!"
Chance pushes into the library, hoping some certain pony is going to make it after him. He's trying to hide someone, and glances around, tipping his ears back. Where's Barley? Spikes (?) voice catches the ears and he glances over at her a moment before Barley arrives. "Me? What can I do? I was kind of hoping Twilight could help!" He glances over to who he thinks is Twilight. "You can.. right?"
Barley_Rigs makes it there, still looking a little skittish from the madness outside, legs bent slightly as she walks like a scolded dog, peering over her shoulder as she makes her escape under Chance's direction. "Help? I thought I needed help. But I'm starting to think my issues are really the least of the universe's problems tonight," she mutters. "This is ridiculous. No-- not ridiculous, this is dangerous. That thing is out of its effing mind. What does it //want//?"
Spike blinks, then blushes and tries to edge back into the corner a bit. "I, uhm...I would try, but every time I try to use magic it just goes wrong. I'm not used to this! You're right, Twilight, I'm better off as your assistant." She covers her eyes with her hooves.
Twilight_Sparkle holds up his hand. "I'm the real Twilight Sparkle and I think I can answer that," the small dragon says. Taking a stand atop a pedestal of books, he spreads his little arms wide. "That thing out there is Discord! He's ancient. I think he's even older than Celestia. He used to rule Equestria, before anypony called it that. And he wants things to make as little sense as they possibly can."
Chance glances over at Barley, looking a bit relieved. At least she got inside, though is a bit more female then he remembers. He glances between the unicorn and dragon... and blinks. "Oh, you have got to be kidding me.." his ears splaying in annoyance. "Well.. gotta admit, he's certainally succeeded in that. I think it'd be hard to make any less sense then it does now." he says with a light huff. Is he the only normal pony left standing? If he isn't, he has a feeling it won't be long before he is. "But.. what can I do?" he asks confused, remembering to address the dragon.
The dragon certainly seems to know what it's talking about, that's for sure. And as Barley has yet to meet either dragon or unicorn she's not necessarily even perplexed at the fact. Still, she nods her head. "There's got to be something that can be done. Where did it come from? How can we get it to go back there?"
Spike peers at Twilight addressing everyone, pondering. Does she really look that tiny and sound that squeaky? She always pictured herself as so much more...impressive. She shakes her head to clear it. "The last we saw Discord, he'd been turned to stone with the Elements of Harmony. We're not sure how he got loose again. And our plan is...uhm...you take that one, Twilight."
Twilight_Sparkle is flipping madly through a book, or as madly as he can. Learning to use fingers turns out to be a bit like learning to use chopsticks. There's a learning curve. "Our only hope might be to find an organizing force more powerful than Discord's Chaos! That's what was missing! We need a pony so OBSESSIVELY ORGANIZED that she's..." The little dragon boy suddenly looks up, eyes wide. "That's IT. I'M the anti-Discord!"
Barley_Rigs looks from Chance to the dragon and back again, unsure if that reasoning makes any logical sense at all, and maybe hoping that Chance will know better than she does. She hesitates, then, addressing the little dragon, "Uh... okay... so... we go organize it?" she ventures timidly, unsure how someone would go on and tidy that mess out there. "Do we need a... broom?"
( KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK! "Surely she'll be home!" KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK! Idle chatter goes on for a moment. "Well, I just don't want to be ru- wait, Princess." KNOCK KNOCK CRRRRK! A very long, elegant and sharpish white horn digs its way through the upper portion of the library's front door. "AHHHH! STUCK! Luna, pull! GRIP HARDER!" )
Spike walks over to the door, peers at the horn, then realizes she has no earthly idea how to open it now that she's a pony and doesn't have fingers. "Uh...Twilight? Little help?"
Luna's voice echoes from behind the door, "If I grip any harder, our subjects will get an incorrect opinion of our relationship and distribute satirical portraits performing improper acts with thy name changed in fiendish word play. Thou are just out of shape. It's done like this!" There's another crack, and a blue horn penetrates the door beside the white horn. After a moment's silence, the second voice adds, "What an impressively sturdy door."
Chance looks as confused as Barley. He glances over to the now-female pony. "I'm not sure if that means I can help. If.." He blinks as something crashes through the door, and he glances back at the horn. After a few moments another horn joins it. He's closer to the door then Twilight, so quickly reaches over with his muzzle, snags the doornob in his teeth, and gives it a twist to let the door open.. if the alicorns on the other side allow for it.
Twilight_Sparkle sighs exasperatedly. This, he thinks, is my mentor. The central figure in my world. Indeed, in THE world. And her sister, the yin to her yang, the princesses of light and darkness, all things embodied...some days are JUST so disillusioning. The dragon hops off his stack of books and toddles over to the door. Reaching up, he tries to tug the door open...but of course NOW it's stuck on a couple of horns.
Barley_Rigs looks to gain some comfort from the look she shares with Chance. She's got no clue, he's got no clue, but at least she's pretty sure she's not going insane. Her eyes stay in that comfort zone a long moment before she jumps somewhat at the banging on the door, wheeling about with a clatter of hooves on floorboards, peering skeptically at the door as it seems someponies have forgotten how to use the thing.
"If I wasn't in shape, how come every satirical portrait focuses on MY plot?" Celestia mutters. "Fine. FIRE IN THE HOLE! Well, door. STAND BACK!" The door suddenly shimmers a dazzling gold before exploding into a million tiny shards and splinters for Spike to clean up later. "Twilight!" Celestia shouts with glee upon seeing the delightful purple pony. "Would you mind if we crashed here for a week? Or two? Or maybe a month? Or year. Or something." She hovers forward several dozen heavy-looking pieces of luggage and drops them on Spike. "Oh! This is Luna. SAY HELLO LUNA!" she turns and shouts into her sister's ear. And, oh, Celestia's wearing an extraordinarily colorful hawaiian shirt and has some sunglasses perched above her head.
Spike bows rather gracelessly to the alicorns. Then a look of fear starts to spread over her face as she suddenly realizes that, as a pony, she's probably expected to address royalty somehow, instead of just being seen and not heard. But how? Usually she zoned out and thought about Rarity during this part of the ceremony! She takes a deep breath and tries not to panic. "Ahem. Princesses! It's an honor to have you in our humble home...err, library. To what do we owe the present pleasure of your current visiting?"
Luna is not dressed as ludicrously as her sister. She's fashionably pony naked, except for sleek mirror-shaded sunglasses. Some clothes might have been a good idea to conceal her obvious bikini tan lines, but she's not wearing them. Under her wings are yet more packages, and she trots in with her tail swishing galactically and drops all of them on top of Twilight. "Be thou a good slave creature and place these in the largest bedroom, sirrah," she informs the former unicorn. Then she trots gaily over to Spike and bellows, "OUR SISTER'S PRIZED PUPIL! HUZZAH! MANY ARE THE STORIES SHE TELLS OF HOW GREAT HER LOVE FOR THEE IS, DESPITE THY MANY NEUROSES! WE SHALL ENJOY STAYING IN THY EXTREMELY HUMBLE HOME FOR AWHILE."
Chance quickly backs away from the door as it splinters into toothpicks, then looks oddly at the two princesses as they prance through the ex-door, deposit packages on unicorn-spike, and tips his ears back a bit at the bellowing of Luna. Well, if he was hoping for something normal from them, he certainally didn't get his wish. Could things get any weirder. He looks at dragon-Twilight, hoping she can give some explination.
And coming into the open door (falling, really) is one of the royal guardponies, stumbling a few steps in and collapsing onto his side with an agonized groan. He's clad in armor but the front chest area with the cyan blue star is completely gone, the only hint it was there are charred spots where his armor now terminates. Unfortunately a bit of the stallion's coat is rather singed as well, the area extending from the top of his chest up to just under his throat.
"Holy crabapples, is that--" Barley starts off, only to rear up with all a-hinnio when the charred guard skids into the building, panicking this way and that, spooked, as skittish fillies are wont to get. "That thing's killing ponies out there," she rather pleads with... anypony... to do //anything//.
Twilight_Sparkle looks at Chance. He raises a hand, and opens his mouth, as if to speak. then closes his mouth again. Then twitches. Then twitches again. "Hee..." And then "Heehee!" And then he falls off the stack of books he's on, laughing insanely. He rolls around on the floor laughing until he gets the hiccups. At which point he begins inadvertently teleporting various objects in front of Celestia.
"HER UNLIMITABLE NEUROSES ARE PART OF HER CHARM BELOVED SISTER!" Celestia bellows, the force of her voice sending Twilight's creepy yet traditional wooden pony head statue-thing flying about the room like a rag doll. "Oh also we brought you a gift!" she says, stepping over Scope's smoldering body/corpse casually. Well, with her front hooves, anyway. Her back hoofs step on him several times before she uses him as a cushion, planting her thorough plot down onto his spine. Looking uncomfortable, the Princess of the Sun grimaces and wiggles down onto him a few times "You really need new furniture, Twilight!" she comments before giving an irritated huff and getting back to her hooves. Nonetheless, she hovers over aforementioned gift - a ziplock baggy full of little drink umbrellas.
Scope slowly reaches up with his hooves and briskly removes his helmet, dropping it to the floor with a grumble. .. But then all of sudden he's got hindhooves jabbing into his side which brings another yelp of pain but is quickly cut off when there's a giant plot crashing down upon his spine. He trembles, eyes shifting upwards to see the form of the sun princess looming over him, biting into his lower lip to conceal any more sounds of his discomfort. .. Or comfort, all things considering.
Chance blinks as Twilight starts having a giggling fit, apparently over the oddity that are the the princesses. He's blinking alot today, apparently. "Um.. Twilight? These -are- the princesses, right?" he asks, hoping the hickups stop. After all, he's seen body-swapping today. No telling if these actually are the princesses.
Spike watches Twilight with concern, then rolls her eyes. Feeling like the only sane one in the room is...well, not entirely unfamiliar, but she's not used to taking the lead role, that's for sure. Clearly, though, it's going to come down to her explaining this. She tentatively approaches Celestia. "Uh, that's actually *Twilight* you just dumped your luggage on. It's me that's actually the sla...that's actually Spike. Something weird has happened...maybe you can help?" She hesitates a moment, wondering if she should also point out that Celestia is sitting on one of her own palace guards, but decides she shouldn't push her luck. She sets her rump down and looks up hopefully at the alicorns.
Luna having deposited her luggage, has a moment of propriety and steps back to the door to wipe her hooves on Scope. That leaves her free to listen to Spike's explanation of the difficult circumstances with a friendly smile. "HO HO! THOU WERE CORRECT, BELOVED SISTER! HER FEEBLE GRASP ON REALITY IS MOST CHARMING! THOU WERE RIGHT ABOUT HER ATTRACTIVENESS AS WELL. THOU MADE NO MENTION OF HER TALENTED SLAVE BEAST, HOWEVER!" Luna's horn flashes, and every time one of Twilight's personal treasures is teleported into place in front of the alicorns, it's flung out one of the room's windows. "IT IS ALMOST AS THOUGH HE HAD THE POWERS OF A UNICORN HIMSELF!" No, she's not listening to a word Spike says.
Barley_Rigs's jaw drops as the princess drops her arse right on the wounded guard. Lower lip tremors, and she's rendered speechless a long while before, "Did you... did you guys not notice the //monster// out there //turning ponies into toasters// and //killing people//?" she asks them, words dripping with incredulousness, if not quite anger. "Get the //hoof// off of him," she goes on. She lowers her head and charges to headbutt the princess in the flank and get her off of the injured stallion.
Celestia turns to Twilight-Spike as she approaches in order to explain the conundrum currently perplexing their domain. Of course, she's quickly distracted by her beloved sister, aand spreads out her wings. "INDEED! I AM MOST PROUD OF MY MOST PRIZED IF MENTALLY UNSTABLE STUDENT!" Celestia shouts as she rises up into the air in the middle of the library. About to bathe everyone in the glorious light of her presence, the Princess is suddenly interrupted by a terrible attack of the munchies. She lands back on the ground with a SLAM. And then gets a horn in the flank. Strangely, she doesn't seem to min- er notice. She trots off into the kitchen before returning a moment later with a massive, Dagwood-style sandwich that she eats in one bite. "WE SHALL ONLY REMAIN HERE UNTIL THE LEASE THAT CLOWN SCHOOL HOLDS ON THE PALACE ENDS. OR BURSTS INTO FLAMES." Apparently Canterlot voice is back in style. Caps lock is cruise control for kool. "OR BOTH. I BLAME YOU, SISTER."
( Breathing a sigh of relief (..or is it disappointment?) when Celestia's ponderous posterier provides a perfect time to get back up, only to have the Night Princess rub her front hooves over the charred area of his chest which causes him to shudder quietly in agony, eventually getting himself up to the point where he's able to sit down and stare at the floor infront of his forehooves. )
Hopefully the library isn't too full for one more Element, because another is coming through the door. Fluttershy backs in, crawling backwards in a terrified crouch, covered in cake and (presumably) still toting Bluefeather on her back. When the dirt beneath her nose turns into wood, she finally raises her head and lets out the breath she's been holding. "TWILIGHT, HELP! I've been split in half by Discord! There's another me running around and I think it's a bad me and I've been cursed to shout out every secret thought I have and it's only a matter of time until I start to say things I won't even admit to myself and-" She claps yellow hooves over yellow mouth, and her eyes well up with tears. "I...I-I'm sorry."
Chance glances over as Barley tries to head-butt the princess. "Barley.. wait!" Too late. He winces a bit and sighs, realizing this is probably going to be a rather long night. He flops down to his rump, raising his brow as Celestia comes in with a huge sandwhich, and glomps it down. But Fluttershy's entrance distracts him from even that. He honestly doesn't even know what to say about that, so he just watches the weirdness quietly at the moment.
BlueFeather is perched on Fluttershy's back between her wings. She sticks her tongue out at Twilight, and Spike, then curls up between Fluttershy's wings, not seeing anyting directly a threat to Fluttershy
Spike drums her hooves on the floor in frustration. "I'm not crazy, I'm really Spike! Or anyway, I was, but..." She stops, realizing this is probably not making her seem LESS crazy, and that chewing out the ruler of all Equestria is probably not a good idea. She glances at Twilight, still rolling around giggling...no real help there. Then her eyes meet Fluttershy's. "Can you tell Celestia I really am Spike?"
Derpy is the next to enter the library--through the window, followed closely by an onslaught of animate, jaw-munching eclairs. With vanilla wafer tongues. Derpy slams the window shut after her, getting it quickly smeared, and lands, bearing two sofa cushions strapped to her on either side. She briskly pulls out a long rolled-up poster from one of the cushion's unzipped pockets...and then shakes it to unfurl it, revealing it to actually be Nightraven in convenient compact form. But even this relatively competent Derpy isn't prepared for what she sees in the library. "Buuhh... The princesses?!?"
A few muffled yelps and yells escapes Derpy's bag until Nightraven is pulled free and 'shaked' open so to speak. A faint whimper escapes the 2D papered pony and she 'crumples' to settle back upon her haunches looking a might be smeared in certain areas from thngs she got hit by when outside. "Thank you Derpy.." There is a pause and she blinks and she tilts her head to peer one way and then another. "Um.. woah.." Soon escapes her.
Luna bellows back at Celestia, "START THEE NOT THAT! WHO WAS THE PONY WHO LOST THE ENTIRE TREASURY IN PONYCARLO? WHY, IF THE CASINO HAD NOT MYSTERIOUSLY BEEN FLATTENED BY A COMPLETELY COINCIDENTAL METEOR STRIKE EQUESTRIA WOULD BE BANKRUPT! AS SOON AS THE MONEY IS RETURNED TO THE ROYAL COFFERS, NO DOUBT THE PALACE CAN BE REPURCHASED." Sauntering cheerfully up to Celestia, her butt with the giant pale tan line triangle on it turned to her subjects, Luna asks, "ARE THEE TO CONSUME THAT?" and leans in to start chowing down on the sandwich... from Celestia's end.
Twilight_Sparkle toddles up to Spike. "Here's the situation, Spike. The world is ending. If there's anything you've always wanted to do, I'd consider doing it. Except that you'd have to do it in my body. So maybe you should try doing something *I* would want to do." He pauses. "But...then by that logic I'd want to kiss Rarity. And also..." His eyes light up. "Spike! Tell me where you keep your stash of jewels!"
"I WAS ON A WINNING STREAK! YOU WERE THE ONE WHO DISTRACTED ME BY GETTING DRUNK AND TRYING TO TAKE THOSE CATACOMBS BACK TO NETTLEGLUM." The Princess frowns and squints her eyes at Luna as she begins consuming her sandwich. HER SANDWICH. THE ONE SHE THOUGHT SHE HAD ALREADY EATEN. This is what happens when you get two almighty goddesses around each other for an extended period of time. "Wut." Celestia's eyes smolder at her sister. "DO I NEED REMIND YOU HOW OUR LAST ARGUMENT WENT?" Princess Celestia's horn glows a brillant gold. "MOON."
Luna extends her wings, revealing the little orange inflatable things still wrapped around the base of them. "WE REMEMBER FULL WELL, YEA, BETTER THAN THEE, PROFLIGATE! WE REMEMBER THAT THOU WERE HELPLESS AS A FOAL WITHOUT THE ELEMENTS OF HARMONY. SO WE ASK THEE NOW, MARSHMALLOW PLOT..." Slowly and deliberately, she leans her head down and licks a meatball out of Celestia's sandwich, chews, and swallows. "WHAT ARE THEE GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?"
Scope pipes up from across the room. "I happen to like marshmallow plots.." Then he goes back to staring at the floor, whee.
Fluttershy's hooves drop from her mouth and dangle uselessly at her sides. The Princesses? ...the world is ending? "Um, y-yes. That r-really is Spike." These words are forced out through clenched teeth, like Fluttershy is trying very, very carefully to control her mouth. "A-and that's Twilight." The village vet scoots one hoof at a time across the floor to stand by her friends. The Princesses are here. Derpy is lucid. Twilight and Spike are right there. "...is the world really ending?"
Spike's eyes widen as the import of Twilight's words sinks in. "Wait! The world can't come to an end! It's where I keep all my stuff! The gems I've been aging! My...special magazines!" She thinks hard. Clearly the situation is dire and calls for desperate measures. "You can have *half* my stash of gems. You gotta leave the rest just in case the world doesn't end. I hid them behind our copy of 'Dating Tips for Unicorns' because figured that would never come up."
Derpy comes up behind Fluttershy, stunned by all the strange words coming from...is that the Mare in the Moon?! And...Celestia, back from Limbo?? Her mind whirring quickly, Derpy looks this way and that, and then leaps and dives, doing the only thing a mare of good conscience in this situation can do--and throws herself over the sandwich. "NoOoOOooooOooo!!!" she wails.
Chance facehooves as best as he can. Things are dire, dangerous, delerious.. and the princesses are having a snit. "Well, if the world is ending, at least it isn't sane enough to notice.." he mumbles.
BlueFeather chirps up softly to Dusk, from her perch between Fluttershy's wings
"YOU DARE TO CALL YOUR OLDER SISTER PROFLIGATE?!?!?! THE ONE WHO WEANED AND GUIDED YOU THROUGH SO MANY YEARS OF ADORABLE TUMBLING WHEN I WAS ALREADY FLYING? I SAY TO YOU, MY MOST BELOVED SISTER." Celestia leans her head down. Her horn shimmers, and a meatball gets stabbed onto her sister's horn. "BRING IT." And with that, a wall gets ripped out from the side of the library and proceeds to slam against her sister.
Twilight_Sparkle scurries eagerly to the bookshelf. Eureka! Right where Spike suggested! Gems! Delicious gems! Which are...basically rocks. He takes up an emerald and squints at it.He sniffs it, then touches it against a fang, as if not quite believing he's about to bite into a rock...he stares at it...then can't quite go through with it, though he keeps the gem in his hand. No, he has other ideas. He stacks up some books, and climbs up atop them, a small dragon on a rickety book pedestal. He spreads his arms wide, and bellows, inasmuch as someone with such a squeaky voice can bellow, "FELLOW PONIES! BEHOLD THE END OF EQUESTRIA! OUR PRINCESSES HAVE GONE UTTERLY FREAKED-OUT SPACE NUTS! DISCORD'S CHAOS IS ABOUT TO RIP THE WORLD APART! SEIZE THE MOMENT! DO IT! DO IT NOW!"
NightRaven sniffles out faintly while she shifts and leans against the couch that Derpy had come in on, and then 'shook' her out. The 2D pony is quiet not while listening to the others, she takes in a breath and lets her head rest against a pillow and eye the window. At the louder voices from the two sister she blinks and glances towards them before a faint whimper escapes her. If they start fighting she hopes they stay farfar away from her..
Screams of mortal terror from ponies dashing past the library windows, NeatoGlee in cheerful pursuit outside the hot, acrid scent of burning sugar wafting through the damaged library walls. It appears the gingerbread pony is attempting Smile Reinforcement Protocol Nine, which involves a plate-spinning act while tap-dancing. As she lurches after the ponies demanding joy in the name of the beloved Chancellor.
Luna squeals in shock, "NOOOO! NOT THE SANDWICH!" as Derpy smacks into it, tearing the delicious hoagie from the grip of a Celestia who wasn't much paying attention anyway. Luna is also not paying attention, thanks to Derpy, and the wall smacks into her, slamming her into and through the opposite wall, scattering books everywhere! And yet, that rubble cracks in two, and Luna emerges from it, her body flickering with blue fire - except for her eyes and her bikini tan lines, which flicker with white fire. "TOO FAR, CELESTIA. THOU HAVE GONE TOO FAR. FOR THE LIFE OF THIS NOBLE SANDWICH, THAT WHICH WE LOVED ABOVE ALL ELSE, TRAMPLED AND DESTROYED BY THY HUBRIS, WE SHALL END THIS FOREVER!" And with that... no magic. She rears, and plunges horn-first towards Celestia with snakelike speed!
The_Chancellor is revealed standing behind the hole where the room's fourth wall used to stand before it was Princessed away. "Well, okay, Twilight!" The pink pony says cheerfully. She trots over to Twilight's body and its current occupant, sweeps off her pudding hat, and dipkisses the filly. Putting her hat back on, she says, "'Scuse me. Gotta grab some milk before somebody fixes all this. Man, it was fun being in charge!" With that, she trots out the former door and into the pages of history.
"Your highnesses!" Scope yells out and takes a step forward but stops to grimace, quickly shaking it off and breaking off into a gallop towards the dueling princesses with his horn glowing bright. "Please! Stop this at once!" Whether he's on a suicide mission or not it's not exactly clear, but he kicks off with his backlegs and sails in the air towards the smaller of the two, hoping to tackle the night princess.
This is it. The big one. Twilight and Luna and even *Celestia* all say the world is going to end. "Is the world going to end? I've never felt a world end before. I-I'm sorry, I don't know what to look f-" Then Pinkie comes through, and all bets are off. Seeing her, the gaskets on Fluttershy's brain pop off and the secret valves fly wide open. Even the walls flying about and alicorns dueling don't really seem to register. To everypony else, it looks like Fluttershy's eyes have gone full-on Discord-spiral.
Celestia was not apparently paying much attention to the sandwich, but still managed to pluck off a meatball to spear onto Luna's horn. Because that's what sisters do! "TOO FAR? IIII HAVE GONE TO FAR? WAS IT NOT YOU WHO WENT TOO FAR WHEN YOU MADE ME SIT THROUGH THAT HORRID RENDITION OF 'PONY OF THE DANCE'? OR THAT ATROCIOUS REMAKE OF 'MAYOR GOES MARE MAYOR MARE'?! WAS IT NOT YOU WHO WENT TOO FAR WHEN YOU USED THE GUARD PENSION FOR THAT ONE GOLDEN CAT STATUE?! AND NOW I MUST AVENGE MY NOBLE SANDWICH!" How Celestia has the time for this long speech is anyone's guess. Maybe they're in an anime now or something dunno. "CHAAAAAAAARGE!!!!" the Princess narrates herself as she plunges towards Luna with her horn, her whole body encased in a furious glow of white and gold. As they meet, a sudden explosion of blinding light shoots out like a supernova.
Derpy watches from the floor where she lies clutching the sandwich, apparently tactically diminished by her inability to see in two directions at once. Her tail barely escapes getting smashed by chunks of the broken wall. She stares after the departing Chancellor...and sniffsniffs. The hoagie. Is that a..."Meatball?" She rises to her feet. "Meat?!? What is this barbary!? This savage iniquity?! This atrocious violation of culinary law???!" She hurls the hoagie wildly at Celestia, since the equally brave and/or suicidal Scope seems to have Luna taken care of. If the moment must be seized, Derpy means to take it! "What poor creatures have you been eating, Princess? You should be ASHAMED of yourself!!" Her wings rise, covered in marinara sauce.
NightRaven swallow slightly as she hears the two sisters fighting it out, and then the smell of burning sugar from outside actually makes her wiggle about and slide herself under the sofa. Her head lifting so she can peer out one eyed from it, which may seem a bit creepy. At the talk of the world ending reaches her she whimpers out a moment, she doesn't want to die a paper pony!
Spike staggers sideways a little and blushes, the dangerous battle around her momentarily forgotten in the afterglow of an unexpected kiss from Chancellor Puddinghead. "Wowwww. Maybe I've been chasing the wrong pony! Spikey Pie...has a nice ring to it." As last thoughts before one is immolated by the apocalyse go, it's not a bad one!
Chance sighs and wonders idly what'll be like after the end of the world. After all, with his luck, he might actually live to see it! He makes a mental note to bite Discord for it. Many times.
Twilight_Sparkle finally seizes the moment! He bites into the gem in his hands...and closes his eyes blissfully. "Oh my goodness, Spike...it's like eating a star! I can see why you're always snacking on these! I'll never ever make fun of your cravings for gems again!" He emits an audible moan of pleasure, feeling the gem melt in his dragony mouth. "Unnnnnnhhhhh." he says.
Luna strikes Celestia horn to horn, two dark sillhouettes in a blaze of light... into which is thrown the sandwich. That cursed sandwich, tainted with the greatest sin of carnivorism. It strikes their horns, binding them together in corruption... and the two ponies sink into it. Their sillhouettes twist and mash together in the light, letting out a [BUY SOME APPLES]ish shriek that blows the roof off of the library! When it fades, other voices replace it. The bodies of the fallen, murdered by The Chancellor's delicious confectionary regime, lurch upright and begin to sing, chanting in high-pitched chorus something about 'four tuna' and 'statuary on his knees''
Twilight_Sparkle looks at the half-eaten gem in her hand...then back up at the scene...then back at the gem...and eagerly scarfs the rest of it. "You never TOLD me how hard you TRIP on these things! If I told you what I just saw, you'd never believe me!"
Moments before impact the lighting of the sandwich sends out a wave of energy which severely knocks Scope off course, sending him rocketing across the room and slamming hard into a bookshelf spine-first with a sickening crack, head snapping back and thumping against one of the shelves before the stallion drops to the floor in an awkward heap.
Dusk staggers in at the last moment sure to save the day, but comes crashing instead, not realizing it's just a bit too late! His derpy-eyes try to take in what all is going on, though all he gets out is a, "Oh shoot..."
Derpy watches the damage her hurling of the sandwich caused...from the apparent death of Scope to the destruction of the library's roof to the melding and warping of the ancient princesses...and her mane stands up, and her face twitches...and her eyes roll down their sclera in opposite directions. Derpy sits there on the floor, derpy once more!! And she can't say a word.
BlueFeather pops up a little from where she is, between Fluttershy's wings, and tosses pies at Celestia, Discord, and Luna!
NightRaven stays hidden under the sofa, a faint whimper escaping her at the sight before her. Her eyes are wide and her 2D form quivering while she lowers her head and quivers while the two princesses battle about, sandwich goes flying, did some pony just get shot outa the roof.. An.. What happened to the roof? Its another moment before this pony just passes out and well, lays flat upon the floor seeming to disappear as if the is possible.
Fluttershy says, "W-well, if the world is really going to end," she gulps painfully, "t-then I guess maybe being forces to speak my mind isn't such a bad thing after all, unless I hurt somepony's feelings doing it, in which case, it would be..."
Derpy is actually on the new roof...which is made of cotton candy, so it seems. The library landed upside-down, and books are now everywhere. She slowly starts to cry...but then bends down to the surface beneath her, drawn by a sweet scent...and starts timidly eating cherry cotton candy, a childish grin on her face.
Celestia shouts "Above the blasted shell of Twilight's library, out of the shining light and surrounded by a divine choir chanting about giving an octopus boots, rises a figure of blasphemous bauty! A titanic great white mare floats, her four wings, white and blue spread in a cross while four forelegs grope and flail blindly. Around her the remains of a hawaiian shirt mix with the clouds to form a floating sash, and the sleek white head fixes Discord with a baleful, gleaming-eyed stare! Yet the voice comes from the hanging, drooling blue head sticking out of her back. "DISCORD!" it shrieks, "THY DAY IS ENDED. WE SEE THE TRUTH NOW, THE PERFECT HARMONY OF TWO PONIES IN ONE. NOW CELESTIROTH SHALL CAPTURE THEE FOREVER, AND PURIFY THIS TAINTED WORLD WITHIN OUR GLORY!" And with that, both mouths open wide and inhale." (Public-shout)
Fluttershy gulps again. "Twilight, I'm going to be perfectly honest, because apparently, I don't have a choice right now, and I'm very sorry about that. B-but ever since we went on our first adventure together and defeated Prin- I mean Nightmare Moon, I've been thinking..." She sidles a little closer...to Spike.
Fluttershy's eyes spin up. Like a record. The madness intensifies.
Derpy sits in the eye of the cataclysm, blissfully sitting on a pink cloud (some of which is in her mouth), surrounded by fallen ponies, fallen books, and fallen sandwich toppings. Around her, the survivors of the madness regale each other with confessions and express their deepest and most sequestered passion. On the mare's right cheek and down her neck are postage stamps; on her flank is grape jam and on her wings is marinara. She sits in a stupor, yet some wispy feathercurl of her mind dreams wistfully of all that could have been... if only. And her eyes close for the last time.
Her last thought is of Dinky...happy.
Scope twitches a little from his spot on the floor, taking in a last gasping breath and swallowing a little bit. "..goodbye, Firefly." The broken stallion sudders and lets out a final gasp before going perfectly still, save for that breath escaping him for the last time. His eyes, wide and unblinking are forever locked on some random point up in the cotton-candy cloud sky.
BlueFeather keeps lobbing pies, well what else can she do?
Spike opens her mouth as if to correct Fluttershy, but then stops. It's the end of the world. Might as well let her confess, even if it's to the wrong pony. Or...the right pony, but the wrong dragon. She nuzzles the pegasus tenderly.
Dusk tries valiantly once last time, his confused mind and confused eyes.. to fight it, to focus.. But as the world starts to crumble about.. even still he can't.. as hard as he can. He for once gives up. Lets it all go. His eyes going one way and another... and.. he can seem to understand it all.. He smiles and a tear comes to his eye.
Twilight_Sparkle looks into Fluttershy's eyes...and kisses her, tenderly, little purple hand stroking along the edge of the pegasus's face.
PUB >> Discord seems little concerned at first, scarcely looking up from his drowsy, plush throne while he sips the glass away from a cylinder of chocolate milk. But when his gaze doubletakes on the heavenly spectacle, he frazzles from the top of his antler to the final scale of his tail, and in a tizzy spits out his drink, reforming the cup around the beverage. "Holy [BETCHA CANT EAT ALL THESE APPLES]." He drops his cocoa and the liquid shatters, the glass splats and pools. Scrambling in a panic, Discord flings desperate magics into the voracious vortex: pies, cotton candy, wheels of cheese and kettlecorn -- anything filling! The doomed chimera whips through the air, out of control towards his fate - until in one last futile gesture, he grips his statue, long body flagging in the wind. "The magic of one pony!...One heart!...One song!" His talons don't release, but the statue fractures at its base, and the entire edifice, along with the draconequus, is drawn inexorably into the void.
PUB >> Discord wails defiantly, "Mark my words, ponies: I shall returrrrrrrn!" ... (Spin-off series, keep your hooves crossed!)"
Celestia shouts "As the chorus chants its way towards the Final Stop, space itself twists, spiraling - crushing ponies, crushing the land and the sky and the clouds. All that was, is, and will be is sucked into those twin maws and their inevitable abyss. The choir is sucked down last, urging all ponies to be good for Peace Monkey's sake. Alone, everything and nothing, eternal and fleeting, Celestiroth fades. All that is left are the Words: BUT... THE FUTURE REFUSED TO CHANGE. With that, the universe that ought to have been reappears - and everything is right and good once more." (Public-shout)
Derpy shouts "And that, good ponies, is why we only have a Leap Day once every four years! <shuts textbook>" (Public-shout)
Note by Spike, your humble scribe: I've corrected some minor typos where I noticed them. I also fixed pose order in a few cases, where the parties involved had OOCly agreed to change it during the RP.
PUB >> Discord says, "So just as a FWIW kinda thing: Chaos = treats rain from the sky and you live, Harmony = you are devoured and/or crushed by your own goddess. Just remember that when you cast your ballots for world leader next time.
"