Rarity Rants: Magical Mystery Cure Mar 20, 2013 9:12:40 GMT -5
Post by Rarity on Mar 20, 2013 9:12:40 GMT -5
Welcome to Rarity Rants!
I've been holding this in for a while, now, but every time I see this episode, or hear any of the songs, I want to EXPLODE IN A TERRIBLE RAGE.
OH, pardon me, where ARE my manners. I, as you know, am Rarity, bearer of the element of generosity, and I shall certainly be most generous when it comes to my colorful opinions of this particular episode.
I had HOPED that we might receive a sensational ground shaking season finale like we'd received in season two. While the very sudden appearance of Shinning Armor was a bit, erm....shoe horned in, the overall theme was quite magnificent. And Queen Chrysalis had a most phenomenal song. A catchy theme, moving, emotional, and a villain song- which are statistically the BEST songs in most Disney movies. This Day Aria was almost painfully good. In short, it was an hour long episode with a solid, concise start, a decent lead up, and a powerful climax. It was not complicated. There is a villain, and she has a scheme. Twilight and her friends must defeat said villain.
That is simple.
What we were given this (short) season was dreadful. Twilight wakes up and sings a song and then absolutely random shoe horned, uninspired pointless dribble.
Twilight, seems to have somehow mixed all of the cutie-marks of the mane six via irresponsible use of magic.
Princess Celestia sends Twilight a random spell she found. A 'secret' unfinished masterpiece of Starswirl the Bearded. He could never get it right, so he abandoned it. Princess Celestia, who is clearly bored, and has nothing better to do, than looking at old spells that has no function or use that were never finished, decides to toss it over to Twilight. "Here you are, darling, best of luck. I'm sure you haven't anything better to do, and it's been a while since you've wrought any sort of havoc among the townsfolk!"
Twilight just immediately casts the spell. She doesn't read the book, nor actually discover what the purpose of the spell was, but when being irresponsible with magic, you sort of see this thing coming. After all, this is the same unicorn that cast a spell upon a doll to force three children to fight each other, in hopes of destroying their friendship so she could fix it- all so she wouldn't be late for a school assignment. Which in turn caused the town to enter a royal rumble.
Excellent job, Twilight.
Never the less, in casting this spell, Twilight manages to rearrange all the cutie marks of her friends. Now, being that Twilight is an 'egghead' As Rainbow Dash puts it, I imagine she would realize that in order to fix her mistake, and return our lives to normal, all she'd need do is cast the spell again to rearrange the Cutie Marks once more. She would need to cast it four more times in order to reverse the damage done, and we could all get on with our lives. (Although if the spell randomizes the change of the elements, there's about a 119-to-1 chance of getting it right. )
(Also, since I am nit-picking, you can see Rainbow Dash's cutie-mark at 2:05 www.youtube.com/watch?v=xb0pY_sjN2Y)
But, no, Twilight, discovers the next day that all of her friends are now...changed.
The spell changed the elements of harmony which are apparently, directly connected to their cutie marks. But would that also change their core personality? Would it change the drive to accomplish their special talents? Would it change the talent itself?
Twilight whines a bit about how she altered the destinies of her friends, and has changed their true selves. Well, yes, Twilight. That is what happens when you cast random spells without actually reading them first.
Anyway Twilight gets a case of the Sad Sallys, sings a gloomy song about how she royally ruined everypony's lives, and pouts about in her room for a while. Because she is a bad person.
In this little montage, we see Apple Jack boarding up my beautiful Carousel Boutique, because I guess a going out of business sale would have made too much sense. Rainbow Dash is about to be cannibalized, Pinkie, has some how managed to bend the very force of nature, and destroy an ENTIRE FARM single hooved, in a little bit less than 24 hours. Fluttershy is making preperations to leave for Cloudsdale...via balloon, and Rarity is bringing down her wraith upon the town, for they have displeased her. The "not good with the thundery ones" is a front. You know whats up.
Well, Twilight suddenly gets the bright idea to help her friends remember who they're supposed to be. And this is where the episode falls to pieces entirely. This. Makes. No. Sense.
Twilight is sitting around wallowing in pony pity. Thank you, darling. You ruin the lives of all your friends, and instead of wildly searching though the numerous books you have in the library, trying to cobble together a PLAN to help fix the lives you've ruined, you instead sit quietly in your room and sob about how sad you are. You are a bad person, Twilight. You are a bad, bad person.
Twilight, finally decides to get off of her pastel hind quarters, when Spike makes some quip about remembering whom the ponies are, or something along that nature. I don't remember. It hurts to watch. Never the less, Twilight puts on her tiara, glows for a while, her eyes turn into stars (You should have that checked, darling) and she goes racing outside.
Upon encountering Fluttershy, she informs the yellow mare that Rainbow Dash is about to be boiled alive. Fluttershy says she doesn't know anything about animals, and is moving back to Cloudsdale. Twilight says that she DOES know something about Rainbow Dash. (Yes. She is terrible with animals. I hope that her death is a swift one.)
Now...No. Fluttershy's knowledge of Rainbow Dash must have been altered. Tampered with, by the spell, because Fluttershy would know that Rainbow Dash is horrible with animals. She would know Rainbow Dash would be good with flying- but that has nothing to do with animals. Also, why doesn't Twilight just approach Fluttershy and say "Hey, last night, I decided to cast a random spell to see what it does, and I kind of screwed you out of a life of happiness and fulfillment. My bad. We still good?"
To THAT end, if Fluttershy realizes she's terrible at making ponies laugh, but she knows that Pinkie is good at it, why not ask Pinkie for advice. And since WHEN does the entire town run on being happy, and needing Pinkie to keep them smiling? Remember two days ago when the town was over run and nearly destroyed by her, and you were forced to systematically murder them until you could discern which was the real Pinkie?
And to that end, how is it that Pinkie is even ON the Apple Farm? What about Big Mac, Applebloom, and Granny Smith? Wouldn't they, I dunno, question why Pinkie showed up and started slamming her head against trees? Did Applejack get up that morning and decide "I'm off ta make dresses ya'll!" And just wander off? Wouldn't Big Mac have said "............." And Applebloom said "Wait, what? Why? "
"It's what my cutie mark is tellin me!"
"Then WHY are you on an apple farm? And your Cutiemark, up until this morning has been apples. So thats kinda weird. You think, maybe, you should ask Twilight about this? Everyone else in the family has apple based Cutiemarks, And also your name is Applejack, so theres that too. So, I'm willin to bet that, your talent, is probably apple Related. Maybe. "
And Rainbow Dash has a TEAM. She has other ponies that help her manage the skies. We have SEEN them. So one day, when the boss doesn't come to work, don't you think, maybe, the weather team, and CLOUDSDALE would look over at Ponyville, and say "...we should stop this." (Not that any of them COULD have stopped me. MWahahaahaha...anyway)
IT DOESN'T, MAKE, ANY, SENSE.
So, they head over to Rainbow Dash's cottage, and find Rainbow trapped in a pot with animals, literally preparing to murder her. There is a snarling bear next to her, ready to maim the poor would-be wonderbolt. Fluttershy looks to Twilight, hoping for say- a teleport. Twilight could magically rescue Rainbow Dash in a moment. Obviously, she is about to die.
"Twilight, hurry! Can't you do some sort of spell to get her out of there?"
"No only you can handle this."
Honestly, Twilight. Honestly." Rainbow Dash needs YOU".She says. NO. Rainbow dash needs a pony who doesn't alter her destiny every other week, and then pout about it. You monster.
So Twilight manages to get Fluttershy back to normal and they rush off to fix every other pony. Hurrah. So...ok, so I'm sorry, I simply cannot get OVER this. Applejack is in my shop, ruining dresses. Ok. What about all of the OTHER dresses in that shop? Did you think you made them yourself, or do you remember making them? WHY ARE YOU IN MY SHOP?! Just because you want to make dresses doesn't mean you suddenly just take over the store. So, Rarity, told Twilight that Rainbow Dash was in Fluttershy's cottage, and it was Rainbow Dash's cottage.
So did Applejack think she made all the OTHER dresses then, and suddenly she can't make them anymore, or did she just buy the store from Rarity, who went outside and said "I think I shall seize control of the weather now." And then went on a fabulous rampage?
So that means Twilight's spell altered everyone's memories. And if that's the case, it MUST have altered the memories of everyone else in TOWN. Congratulations, Twilight. Since moving into Ponyville, everyday has been a horrifying nightmare of which none can awaken. How do you live with yourself?"
Anyway, one of the little voices in Twilight's head whispers some nonsense to her about the end of the spell, Via Deus Ex Machina and Twilight suddenly drags all of her friends back to the library to watch her write in a book. "I know how to fix the spell." Only it was a spell that didn't need to be cast, NOR should have existed in the first place, but whatever, good for you Twilight.
Then, Twilight is zapped by the elements of Harmony. And a look of calm peace washes over her. I'm quite serious. It's as if she realized she's about to die and says "It's finally over...I can rest..." Her friends, understandably FREAK OUT. I mean, we've all thought about it, but when you actually KILL a mare...well...darling...there are consequences.
But perhaps Twilight really IS dead. She's somewhere up in space and Celestia is there. Who starts singing. You know, Celestia, dear, you could have just sent a letter. This is a bit extreme, you know, making every pony think Twilight is dead now. Getting our hopes up for nothing is very poor taste, dear. Never the less, Twilight is then given a little weird memory montage, and Princess Celestia says "Hey, I'mma turn you into a princess, that cool? Even if you quite nearly kill ponies on a daily basis, and your irresponsible use of magic is alarmingly dangerous.
So now Twilight is a princess. And everypony is just...they're cool with that. Princess Celestia, having shown remarkable cruelty in condemning Twilight to live forever, and watch her best friends all die of old age while she remains youthful and eternal, has either decided to look past the fact that Twilight just cast a spell randomly (I'm sure the princess would have expected Twilight to at least read it, first, maybe) and altered the destinies and lives of everyone in town, or simply just does not care.
Either way, Now Twilight having not been groomed for a life of making decisions, war, ceremonies, or leading a nation of ponies, has been thrust into the role that will now cost her the lives of millions, if she screws up, leading me to realize, one, simple, solitary fact about this series: Princess Celestia, is quite possibly, the world's greatest troll.
I'm happy this was a musical. I really do like music. But this episode, was absolute, and utter trash. No. I don't like it!