Have readed only teaser so far. Is intrigue, surely. But also? So far, seem to lack punch. Where is punch? Pinkie line is fun though! And I like the idea of meeting an acquaintance of Twilight's from magic school, since one has to wonder what that part of her life was like.
o/` D'oh -- I say when make mistake! 'Ray! I shout when happy cheer! Meep! Is when a big surprise! Fog! Is thick this time of year! Sow... the seedling in the sand! La--is firstest half of low! Tee--is pretty bubble stand! But when pop, is back to D'oh! D'oh, d'oh, d'oh, d'oh. o/` (n.u)
I've read it all now! It's an exciting story, certainly. As you know, the idea of inverting the Elements of Harmony is a common one. The way we see it done here to three of the six is simple but effective. I particularly like Applejack's troubles. The story of Starshine Eclipse is a moving one--it brought tears to my eyes (though not past them). I like the use of Pierce and the parallel dragon hatchings. I think there were structural things and/or plotholes that bothered me, but they don't come to mind presently. There are still a fair number of questions unanswered, but that's okay. I guess this story is set between seasons two and three. I imagined myself in Celestia's place, deciding how to deal with this sudden, destructive threat.
If you want a more detailed, less scattered critique, let me know. Looking forward to part 2!
They're not inverted in this case, but rather subverted by becoming overpowered. That isn't really the focus of the story, though; rather, it's a means to and end for the bad guys. Well. "Bad" guys. Thanks for reading, and for feeling for Starshine.
I don't promise to make all the changes you suggest, but I'd be happy to hear more detailed critique. After all, this is a raw script: it's barley been workshopped at all. And no, it's set after S3 - this could take the place of the S4 opener. I went with the MUCK's assumption that Twilight had stayed on at the library even after getting her wings - they are actually mentioned a couple of times, but there's hasn't been a scene where she needed to use them.
Part II is under way, I've reached page 11 already.