Post by Bardigan on May 20, 2013 23:14:34 GMT -5
Bardigan hurries inconspicuously. He doesn't often indulge as much as he has recently, but today... well, he just had a certain hankering for it. Cider's irresistible call is dragging him, step by discrete step, towards the door. He glances back and forth, constantly on the alert for ponies who might want to use this as a bit of gossip.
EconomistBrony stands just around the corner. Hearing the swift clop of hooves against the cobblestones, the economist's ears twitch upwards. He can tell a cider-dweller's hooves when he hears them. EB slowly turns the corner, wearing his beige trenchcoat and a remarkably large fedora. "Mister Bardigan," his voice aches through the alley just as Bardigan begins to open the door. He steps closer and closer, the twinkle of his monocle catching in the light of a nearby gaslamp. "Funny seeing you here."
Nimbus_Dawning's hoofsteps should be like an earthquake on EB's senses, then! But the mare has been on the wagon for some time now, and she's actually kinda... cheerful. o.o She, making her way down the street, stops as she sees the familiar Bardigan called toward an alley by a shifty looking colt. They look like spies to her. o.O
Bardigan whirls on his hooves, turning to EB with wide eyes and a hoof raised in preparation to flee! But it's no marauder, just that crazy Canterlot pony. The one who tried to ride him. "Ah, EB," he says with a little sigh. "The feeling is... mutual." He looks around and ducks into the alley again, very suspicious looking to anypony who might be watching. "Are you here for some very particular items, too?"
( Precisely - she's on the wagon! Thus, it sounds more like... uh, wagon wheels than hooves against the cobblestones. And that isn't quite as much of a concern for Mister Eebie. Although he does turn his head slightly to catch the maraholic (alcahomare?) stopped and staring at his quarry and him. He doesn't directly recall when he attempted to ride Bardigan. But he is a crazy Canterlot pony. He slips into the alley before eyeing the speakeasy a short distance away. "Perhaps. Some items and some... stories, perhaps." )
Nimbus_Dawning spots how one of the ponies peers at her, before they seem to become more secretive. She might be more cheerful now but her old ways still affect her. Right now, the paranoia creeps in. Are they planning something about her? She makes a face a bit like this one: fc03.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/169/9/c/angry_rainbow_dash__vector__by_noztik-d53s00y.png (though with slightly less anger and slightly more curiosity) before wandering purposefully over.
"Stories?" Bardigan's ears flutter like wings. "Hmm. Well, I might be able to help with that..." He trails off when the sound of Nimbus' hoofsteps come ever closer. He turns around again and is about ready to throw EB at them when he realizes who it is. "Nimbus? My friend!" he immediately labels her. "I haven't seen you in some time! Where *have* you been? I was just here with EB about, erm... some very particular items."
( Ooooh, scrunchyface. But EB doesn't see it, as he has since rotated his attention to his erstwhile bard-class companion. You know what they say about economists and bards, after all. Particularly when walking into a bar. Well, maybe you don't. But it's /funny/. He turns towards hte bar before suddennly feeling Bardigan's hoofs on him, as though he's about to throw him like a javelin at Nimbus. Well, he does have a pointy bit. As he's let go and set back on the ground, however, the economist brushes the dust off his trenchcoat. He dips his head politely to nimbus. "Good evening, Miss Nimbus," the economist lowers his voice, forgetting that Bardigan already identified him. )
Nimbus_Dawning is surprised at the quick, almost attacking reflexes of Bard, and moreso to then find out it /is/ Bard. The spoony bard! Curiosity overtakes paranoia by this point, as Bardigan speaks and EB introduces himself. Hm. "Hello." she replies. "Am I interrupting anything?"
"What? No!" Bardigan says quickly, only now retracting his hooves from EB. "No, not at all. It's all... very proper, what's going on here. Very proper indeed." He looks back at EB, dressed like a spy though he is, as if for direction, then back at Nimbus. "It's good to see you whole and hearty! ...What are *you* doing here?" he asks, pointing his hoof back at her in what he believes is a very clever turnaround of the question of who is doing what.
( "... No." EB turns to Bardigan and whispers into his featherlike ears, "the feathered cerulean plotline denouements at sunset". He then proceeds to slink backwards into the shadows such that he can only be slightly visible by both Bardigan and Nimbus. You know, conspicuously-placed shadows. They're useful. He stands silence, watching for the moment. And eyeing the door. Cider calls. )
Nimbus_Dawning has feathers, and is a rather cerulean shade of blue. So... you can imagine how suspicious she is when her initial nod and attempt to reply to Bard is cut off by that. "A feathered, cerulean /what/?" she asks with more than a touch of indignance.
"But the sapphiric line dance concludes at the tip of a rose!" Bardigan hastily whispers back. He turns back to Nimbus with a mollifying smile. "Don't listen to him. He's silly. Your feathers are fine." He begins to slink backwards with EB towards the meadery, switching his old feathered hat for Luna's Hat. Everything slowly fades to black and white. "Now, then. You're welcome to stick around for what's to come, but I can't promise it'll all be... above board, so to speak. I believe a chance meeting has left us with an undeniable opportunity to converge certain plotlines and knot off a few frayed ropes of uncertanity."
A drink. Maybe that'll help him out a bit. Skyheart enters the area by the meadery where a lot of other ponies are sitting. He doesn't bother talking just yet. They all seem busy anyway.
Nimbus_Dawning scratches behind her mane with a hoof. "All the ponies in this town really are crazy." She observes, but gives a shrug. "Okay, I'mcurious." she confirms to Bard.
EB, for the record. He looks back over towards Bardigan upon his swift and pertinent response and gives him a slow, steady nod. Bardigan knows precisely what he needs to do now. He looks back over towards Nimbus and inwardly chortles. "I am not referring to you whatsoever, Miss Nimbus," the unicorn responds. "Precisely. I look forward to visiting Gordium." He thent urns and walks right into the bar. Actually, he runs into the door, rubs his forehead, then opens the door before waling through.
Bardigan nods for Nimbus to follow and slinks in besides EB, glancing around. The meadery is quite busy, given the time of day and how many ponies have been industrious and hardworking and just want a break. His eyes glide over the scenery, of ponies drinking and laughing and joking. "Well, what a crowd we have," he says. They have the nitty-gritty of Ponyville's populace: the construction workers, the craftponies, the movers and the shakers. "You think tonight'll get rough?" he asks EB, gruff as all get out.
Skyheart enters into the meadery lazily. He's not here to socialize. As bad an idea as it is, he just wants to sit and relax. He sits down at a corner table to himself and orders a decent wine. The rather prissy drink combined with the prissier poet gets a few jeers from the rough and tumble crew around him. He's ignoring them however.
( Skyheart enters into the meadery lazily. He's not here to socialize. As bad an idea as it is, he just wants to sit and relax. He sits down at a corner table to himself and orders a decent wine. The rather prissy drink combined with the prissier poet gets a few jeers from the rough and tumble crew around him. He's ignoring them however. )
Nimbus_Dawning, in contrast, has no problem with rowdy ponies, or fighting. Which is good, as jeering isn't something she likes. She adjusts her wings a little in an attempt to subtley (yes it's a word) conceal her blank flanks.But other than that, outwardly she doesn't seem preturbed.
EconomistBrony trots in as though he fits perfectly in with the blue-collar and industrious ponies of Ponyville. "Does it ever not get rough?" the economist asks with a chortle before disappearing into the sea of ponies. Is he... gone? Maybe? Oh, no, you can see him chatting up a few ponies in a dark corner before suddenly reappearing at the bar. "Strongest cider." He flips a hoofful of bits up onto the bar from his hat. Is he keeping... coins... on his hat? He toss
Nimbus_Dawning has no problem with wading through the great unwashed, though one or two get a good mule kick on the way past for justifiable reasons. Arriving at the bar, she hrm's. "Cherry juice." she requests. On the wagon!
Bardigan hops up onto the bar, watching EB go to work on the locals for... whatever it is he's looking for. "So," he asks in a low whisper. "I hear you were here to look for... stories, EB? What kind? I might be able to help with that. Cider," he says, flipping out his own bits from a saddle bag.
( "Yes. Stories." The economist hovers up the cider placed before him. He glances over to see Nimbus purchase her cherry juice and happly incentivizes her wagony behavior, tossing over another small pile of bits from his hat. He sets his fedora on the bar, now devoid of change, and looks back to Bardigan. "Tell me, do you recognize the pony over there, in the red?" he almost whispers, gesturing with his snout towards a burly-looking stallion in a red vest. )
Skyheart remains in his corner gently sipping at his drink. Not bothering anypony, he sits with his bags at his sides.
Nitro_Nine trots into the meadery, looking confident, poised... And utterly evil. She's even got a big billowy drama cape that swirls about her fine dress as she saunters in. "Settle down boys." she says. "I'll take an Exploding Volcano with a Peppermint Twist garnish." she says, striking a pose. "The Great and Powerful Nitro has arrived."
Nimbus_Dawning stretches, crickling some joints, but keeps her wings folded back some. It's not that she's ashamed of her blank flanks, she just doesn't feel like beating up half the bar. Honest. She nods thanks to EB's paying ways, and sips the cherry juice. Double strength. It's like there's a party in her mouth and her taste buds are disco dancing.
Derpy tends bar, trying to be tireless and impassive about it. "Any other drink order?" she asks the room without any particular focus.
Bardigan shakes his head. "No, I don't... but I *do* know that unicorn who just wandered in," he murmurs, his eyes drawn to Nitro and her dress, but then his gaze goes right past her to Skyheart. "And I know *him!*" he says, sounding surprised. "Well, tonight's becoming crowded."
EconomistBrony would totally go back-to-back with Nimbus in a barfight.
Skyheart doesn't yet notice anyone since he's stuck in the back. Still, he has the feeling there's eyes on him so he looks around trying to spot where it's coming from.
( "Good." EB's eyes turn to glance once at Nitro and her dress before glancing over to Skyheart as well. "Well, it's a good night for a drink. Tell me, Bardigan, how's your hoof-to-hoof?" the unicorn asks calmly before drinking down that cider in one fell swoop. "If an... altercation... were to suddenly take place, do you have my back?" )
Nitro_Nine doesn't like being ignored... But she wanders to the bar and sits sullenly on one of the many cushions around the low place. She'll show them. She'll show them all what it means to be... Uhm... Terrorified? Yeah, that sounds good. Her eyes glow redly as her drink ignites in a roaring inferno.
Derpy is concerned about Nitro's drink. She's pretty sure that drink wasn't supposed to do that. Was Salsa trying out a new recipe? Derpy flutters out from behind the bar and lands over by Nitro Nine. "Uh... are enjoying drink?" she asks tactfully.
Nimbus_Dawning crickles a few more joints. Though EB is addressing Bardigan, she raises an eyebrow and replies, "Expecting a fight, are you?" she asks, ducking a fluttering Ditz.
Bardigan's ear flicks back towards EB. "An altercation? That's a little presumptuous, don't you think?" he wonders. "But if somepony were to disagree with any strongly worded opinion you might put forth, or make themselves inordinately hostile, I would say... yes, you would have my verbal and physical support. To do anything less would make me utterly undeserving of the title 'gentlecolt.'" He smirks. "Many mistake gentle for meek, and I'v been through too much to be called *meek.*" He takes a large sip of cider, feeling it burn on the way down. "That pony's drink is on fire."
Twist has arrived.
( "... Given that bits are involved, Miss Nimbus, I estimate the probability of a fight at 75%." He turns back towards Bardigan. "We shalll discuss those stories again when I return. For now, just consider if you have any recent... personal tales... of which you would like to perhaps pass onto someone who regularly spins tales they hear to the ternal white." He glances back towards the flaming drink and the crowd gathering around it and takes advantage of the monentary chaos to sweep into the mob of ponies in the meadery. Not thirty seconds later, you see the red pony EB pointed out later crashing into a table, surrounded by a royal blue glow. EB stares down through his monocle. "You're late." )
Skyheart peers over at the small gathering to see that somepony's drink is on fire. He squints to get a better look and sighs. "Great..." He recognizes Nitro and tries to keep himself to the back.
Nitro_Nine chuckles and nods. "Yes, It's quite tangy." she says, downing half the drink while it still flames and burns. She belches a little fire, some of the flames licking at her face like little puppy dog tongues. "You are the local mailmare, are you not?" she asks. "Why art thou working another job?"
Derpy flinches back at the show of flame and the red eyes. She stepsteps nervously. But the customer is always... not a demon! Right? "Am mailmare! But also? Sky Blue is daughter. Therefore while Blue away, must tend meadery!"
Nitro_Nine's jaw drops. "Sky Blue is your DAUGHTER?" she asks, dropping her drink in shock, the flaming liquid spilling across the floor.
Nimbus_Dawning hm's, and crickles her neck. "To tell the truth, fighting was a much more attractive prospect when I was off the wagon. Though enough happened just walking past that crowd to the bar to warrant a few beatings." She drinks her drink, and ducks casually as a pony flies overhead and through a table. Ding ding, round one.
Bardigan's jaw drops, but he quickly recovers and downs the rest of his cider. The pony in the vest just landed *right in front of him.* "That's a bit more severe than a simple altercation," he says, and rises up from his seat, glancing Nimbus' way. "So, I have EB's back. Do you have mine?"
The front door thumps. It thumps again. The doorknob clicks, and Twist pushes it open half an inch. Then she rears around and kicks the door with both back hooves, slamming it open! Okay, not all that loudly. Her hair has more muscle tone than her legs. Leaping inside, she yells, "Nobody move! Thith ipbbbth the Caddy Enforpbbbthmedd Divi-DAT'PBBBTH BURDIGG HUDDY ARE YOU CRAPBBBTHY?!" Scrambling hurriedly across the Meadery, she pulls a gum wrapper the size of a blanket out of her mane, spreads it over Nitro's spilled fire, and dances up and down on it to stamp out the flames.
Derpy dances back from the flaming drink in terror. She stares between Nitro and the spreading fire... which thankfully seems to be burning itself out. "Is adopt-a-daughter! Do... do you need refill?" Derpy is so humble sometimes. Then she looks over in a panic at the sound of a broken table. Uh oh. "Saaalllsaa!!" At least the latest disaster, Twist, seems to be resolving the first disaster.
EconomistBrony squints his eyes slightly at the earth pony in a red vest. The pony stammers, attempting to explain, but it appears EB isn't having it. "There are two inevitabilities in life, my friend," EB muses cooly as two rather burly stallions walk up behind him. "I suggest you choose 'taxes'." He hovers out a tax bill with a large red stamp of 'overdue' on it and stabs it into the table with a surprisingly sharp fountain pen, right next to the pony en rouge. "Miss Nimbus and Mister Bardigan. I presume you can take the one to my left?" He lifts up his right leg and prepares to buck.
Nitro_Nine hisses and trots over to Twist, levitating her into the air (and upside down). "Hey! I don't break your toys! Stop hurting my babies!" she says, gathering up the little licks of fire remaining. But... Twist... She looks down at the little flames... She can make more. Twist is too adorably incomprehensible to disobey... "Okay FINE... But lemme buy you a drink."
Skyheart watches rather carefully. He hopes SOMEPONY will stop Nitro from buying a drink for a small filly. He's too far in the back to really do anything and part of him is currently apathetic enough to not want to be involved.
Twist floats in the air upside down. Her glasses hang loose, but don't fall off because they seem to have been stuck to her ears with bubblegum. She gives Nitro a watery-eyed glare. "Are you dryigg to bribe ad offipbbbther ob da caddy law? Becaupbbbth I dage by honey pbbbthrait." Every couple of seconds as she hangs, a small piece of candy falls out of her mane and tail - a bit of candy corn, a peppermint, a chunk of that chewy butterscotch in a wrapper with Twist's face on it, that kind of thing.
Nimbus_Dawning, luckily for EB, doesn't quite catch his motive - Nimbus is decidedly closer to the blue collar rather than the white one. "I'm not sure any colt is dense enough to try me, so no, none of them will be getting anywhere near your back." she says to Bard as EB the Bounty Hunter continues.
Bardigan sidles up next to EB with an insouciant smile, his hat tilted just a bit to the left atop his head. "This pony once crawled into a pile of spiders. You really don't want to lock horns with him." EB's saying something. Bardigan turns to face him. "The who on the-?" Stars explode in his vision as a misplaced buck from 'the one on the left' catches him on the face. He flops over EB and looks up to see a mare with a jackhammer cutie mark and a very surprised look on her face. "Huh! I wush aimin' fer *that* one!" she exclaims, pointing in EB's general direction. "Well," Bardigan mutters with a sharp glance at Nimbus, "at least that wasn't from the back." And with that, Bardigan springs off EB's side and aims to tackle the brawny mare.
Derpy backs off slowly toward the bar, taking in the scene in terror. "No fighting! Fighting is ~meeean!~" she implores, pointing toward the woodcut sign over the bar that reads "NO FIGHTING--FIGHTING IS MEAN!" When the demon keeps harassing the clearly not-to-be-messed-with kid, and a full-fledged bar brawl breaks out, she stumbles toward the kitchen. "SAAALLLSSAAA!!" she calls again. This group needs some anti-gnome suppressant.
EconomistBrony is a little too busy at the moment acting as a one-pony tax enforcement division to act as the bureau of alcohol. And given Bardigan just flopped over him from a well-placed buck to the face, it looks like his work is cut out for him. He glances at the pony to the right, a stout unicorn stallion with a lumberjack cutie mark, and turns to Bardigan. "Verily." He resettles the monocle on his eye and hurls the trenchcoat from his back, covering the prone tax-avoidance pony still dazed on the table. He dodges down beneath a buck from the lumberjack before firing a hornbeam, knocking the lumberpony back a few feet before throwing his hat forward to cover his face.
Nimbus_Dawning makes out ol' Ditzyder's yelling over the sudden barroom brawl that's erupting. Just as she leaps into action, she manages a, "Fighting isn't mean... Fighting... is... Magic!" before she dives into the fray. True to her bet, it's mostly only mares that are daring to try her.
Nitro_Nine smiles. "Miss Derpy. Let me handle this." she says, walking calmly into the middle of the fight. "Boys. Girls. Please stop fighting. The fighting stresses me out so and it truly does upset me. You would not want that would you?" she asks, her horn glowing as her own special brand of mind magic washes over those succeptible to its influence.
Skyheart is still trying to hide as best he can. He ducks into a corner underneath the table he's at to avoid the fighting. Why did he come here? Why didn't he just stay home?
Derpy failed to find Salsa in the kitchen, so in a panic, she ran to find the Chancellor so he could muster up a posse to help. Derpy is now off who-knows-where.
There is just one teensy little problem: Bardigan has no idea how to *actually* fight. Why is he doing this again? He slams into the mare on the left and sends her sprawling, mostly due to how drunk she is more than any ability on his part. "Normally I would never strike a mare," he says, "but gender disparity makes it hard to find colts in these situations. I'm sure you understand." His eyes widen as the drunken pony, face contorted with rage, comes flying at him - and he goes flying straight up to dodge her bull rush. "I bet you don't know what a heroic couplet is!" he jeers, right after an overeager pegasus stallion drags him back down, applying a chokehold from behind. Bardigan snatches up a bottle and clumsily tries to bonk his attacker with it. "It's - grrk- a sequence of *rhyming* *pairs* of *iambic* *pentameterrrk!"
Twist has been abandoned. Midair. Upside down. Her little hooves wiggle helplessly. Then she thinks out loud, "Wait. I'b da tough apbbbth nailpbbbth head ob da Caddy Edforpbbbthbed Devipbbbthiod! Hyah!" Rummaging in her mane, she pulls a loooong braid of licorice out of her hair, licks and slobbers over the end, fashions it into a lasso, and flings it out to catch on one of Sky's mead barrels behind the bar. Wrapping her fingerless hooves in licorice, she pulls herself arm over arm over to the bar!
EconomistBrony, thankfully, is a unicorn! So mind magic... sort of bounces off the makeshift shield he threw around himself. Which is good, because that lumberjack unicorn in front of him fired back a hornbeam. The shield glimmers sharply before the beam dissipates harmlessly. EB proceeds to make things simple - and bucks the lumberjack twice, one two, causing him to fly back into another table. EB swiftly hovers over a small wooden beam from a broken table and shoves it down, restraining the lumberjack... justly, with a beam of wood. He swivels around to observe Bardigan and the now -two- ponies facing him. He fires three hornbeams in quick succession at Bardigan's attacker - pewpewpew.
Nimbus_Dawning is /very/ lucky that Nitro is only generally 'broadcasting' that magic and not specifically casting it at her - it has no noticable effect (yet) on her allergy this way. Buckin' one adventurous colt, she quickly swipes his stetson up. "Lemme borrow this." she quips, plonking it on her own head. And then she literally dives into another colt sneaking up on EB.
Nitro_Nine looks around, baffled. "LISTEN TO ME!" she says... Then she gets mad. She bursts into flames quite literally as she leaps into the fray. OWCH! She HAS BEEN trained to fight. Horn, tooth, and hoof flail in what seem like wild, random patterns. She manages to smack a particularly drunk mare in the face, leaving a hoof-shaped imprint on her as she knocks the beach-goer over.
After another several minutes of brawling the front door opens wide and two ponies enter. One is a bemoustached, official looking bony with a star badge on his collar, who looks perhaps a little stunned at what is going on, and Ponyville's Chancellor, Marble Roosevelt Memory, lookign mroe than a little cross. After watching the melee for a bit longer he clears his throat. He pokes the sherriff, who blows loudly on a whistle, a harsh, piercing sound. He then shouts at the brawlers, "AYE THA' BE ABOUT ENOUGH, YE POTATO-SHAPED BO'OM DWELLERS!" Marble hears the sherriffs accent and... just looks slowly at Sherriff Felicia Sexopants. "IT'S A WEE BIT LA'E NOW FER YER BRAWLIN' ANNA SLUGGIN'!"
There's a terrifying moment of dawning comprehension for both Bardigan and the pony choking him as concentrated pews of magic come at them. "No no no-!" Bardigan squeaks out. The first two beams strike the pegasus behind him dead on the jaw, making him spin - just in time for Bardigan to catch the last one. Magical pixie dust never hurt so much. Bardigan flops over, incidentally dodging another clumsy punch. He uses his wings to backpedal towards EB. "Magic. Is. *Stinging,*" he hisses through a large singe mark covering half his face. His hat just hangs barely off one ear, still painting everything in black and white. Good thing he has such an eye for faces, or this would be *really* confusing.
Forgotten by Nitro, Twist pulls herself far enough away from where she was held in midair that with a *pop* she pulls free, swinging down on her licorice rope to land on the side of a mead barrel. "You haddle da perppbbbth add I'll impound da evidebpbbbth!" she yells over at Sherrif Sexopants, giving him a sharp salute. Abseiling to the floor, she trots over to the storeroom door, sticks a Pocky in the lock, twists, opens the door, disappears inside, and comes trotting out with her first mason jar of honey balanced on her head.
( Spiders! Yes, spiders! THAT'S where he rode Bardigan. Right? He can't remember. He's pretty sure he ride Bardigan right on into the center of a gigantic mound of spiders to fetch the Orbus Arachneiaum, rescuing Ponyville for arachnophoponies everywhhere. So yes, a little fight is a bit less thrilling than his normal fare. Then again, he's only been doing this for over a thou-, er, a while. He ducks down to the floor as Nimbus dives into the colt behind him. "Thank you, Nimbus!" He watches as Nitro proceeds to down another burly mare right to his side. "And thank you, flaming mare!" This is going better than he thought. He hears the sudden shout of the sheriff, however, and proceeds to clear his throat. EB dodges a punch, then fires a flare up into the air. "Chancellor and Sheriff!" He leaps up onto the bar. "YOU SHALL FIND THE PERTINENT PAPERWORK IN MY BAG." He punts the bag right to Marble before leaping up, landing on a tackling pegasus and drives him into the floor. )
Nimbus_Dawning manages a salute to EB just before locking a mare in a Summer Squash Suplex onto the bar. "Ooh, one sec. I always wanted to do this." And then she runs the mare along the bar, western style, sliding from one end to the other, sending drinks flying everywhere. Eventually the mare skids to a stop, just short of one final glass. Aw. Nimbus glances around, before knocking it off the bar with a hoof.
Felicia Sexopants marches over to EB and tackles him down and, should he succeed, puts him in hoofcuffs. "AYE, THA'LL GETCHA IN A WEE BIT O' TIME!" HE hauls the economist upwhile a nonplussed-looking MArble raises his eyebrow as the economist tosses a bag. HE'll look in just a moment. "Listen up, all of you. I am Chancellor Marble Memory. I was a little displeased to hear about this. So the next pony who bucks, throws a punch, fores magic energy bolts or even so much as uses a rude *name* will be thrown in the county jail for a couple of days, and be fined. One Sexopants hoofs Economisst over to some deputies (Whered *they* come from?) he heads over to Nimbus, "AN' THA'S ENOUGH OUTTA YOU!"
Bardigan watches the taxpony and everypony else going to town. He sits up, rather wobbly, as EB leaps over him to grab another pegasus, then calmly props himself up on a table. He downs the last of somepony's cider before using the mug to conk a mare on the head who was lifting a chair towards Nimbus. "This is what I get for living in the country," he says with a smile. Oh, dear. That's a *very* enthusiastic sheriff. Bardigan hoofs it over to them. "Ahem! Ahem. You there! Yes, you, the important looking ponies. Are you *really* going to arrest a senior member of the Canterlot Tax Collection Agency/Department/whatever it is you have up there? My associate was putting himself in harm's way in the line of duty! Before a *lot* of paperwork needs to be signed by *everypony*, I suggest we just... all calm down. No hoofcuffs, no fuss, just ponies deliberating calmly and rationally. Can we agree to that?"
There's a moment of silence.
Somepony throws a mug.
The fight explodes into violence again.
Nitro_Nine never STOPPED fighting. She's having the time of her light. The blows and magical blasts appear to be clearing her head. The world is so lovely and wonderful... In NitroLand. In RealLand, she's being a bit on the brutal, firey side. While nopony's caught fire, there are going to be a couple of embarassing brands later!
Skyheart is still hiding in the corner, now rather whimpering wondering if he's going to be arrested or not.
EconomistBrony's eyes gain a fiery, furious glare as the sheriff actually -kicks- him over to some deputies. "Why yo-" the finance minister starts looking furious. "Marble Roosevelt Memory." You can practically see the mixture of anger and disappointment dripping from each of EB's words. "Get. These. Hoofcuffs. OFF ME. THIS. INSTANT."
Marble turns puts his hooves on the economist as Sexopants, having the time of his life, soon makes quick work of apprehending the pony with the great hat. Marble puts his hooves squarely on the economist's shoulders and says, "WHAT IN TARTARUS IS THE MATTER WITH YOU, SIR?!" Oh, he can be angry right back, he's a father. He's as much angry and disappointed. "You come into my town, start a bar-room brawl, make an already very stressful day MORE stressful, for what?" Marble marches over to the bags and ruffles through them, then reads the document. He sputters. He sputters again. "TAX EVASION? TAX EVASION!?" He waves the forms at EB. "You pranced in, punched ponies without probably purpose of performing pronouncement of practical policy by pounding plots?! TAX EVASION!" He throws the form on the ground. "I expected better of you, sir. At the very least a COURTESY visit before you disrupt the peace in town, *my* town. For Tax. Evasion. ... ... ..." He flails his hooves in the air. "Have you gone *insane?*"
Twist carries out the first jar of honey, since she's been completely ignored. She returns with a little cart that she parks right outside the door, and trots back to the supply closet. Licking the gummed back of a paper, she sticks it on the door. It reads 'CANDY ENFORCEMENT DIVISION INDICTMENT FOR CANDY VIOLATIONS. Upon search of the premises, it has been confirmed that one Sky Blue is using valuable, delicious, mouth-watering honey that could be used to flavor chocolate bars, made into taffy, or eaten raw to instead make alcohol, which she could have made out of bread. The Candy Enforcement Division's summary judgment is that Sky Blue should be ashamed of herself, and all her honey has been impounded. DON'T DO IT AGAIN.' Her legal case made, Twist balances another jar of honey on her head, and starts ferrying the jars back and forth out the door, filling up her cart.
Nimbus_Dawning still has a pony in a headlock. She would listen, but is rather preoccupied trying to avoid flailing hooves.
Bardigan yelps as Sexopants and his legendary thighs crash right into him with what can only be described as unnecessary force. "You sir are impertinent!" he squawks. And it's not a *great big hat.* It's a very compact and stylish one that suits a meadery like this perfectly. Fortunately, Bardigan gets help in the form of a great big earth stallion who seems, like Nitro, to be having the time of his life. Bardigan breaks from Sexopants and flops and flails over to Nimbus, helpfully uppercutting the pony she's got in a headlock along the way. He rubs his now aching hoof. If Fighting is Magic, then Magic really, really hurts. "Thanks for the help," he mutters, looking rather silly with an askew hat and half his face covered in soot. It seems they need more police ponies... or just wait until everypony knocks each other into unconsciousness.
EconomistBrony stares at Marble. His eyes narrow. "Read more than the first paragraph." The economist's nose flares sharply. "And look at the pony under the hat. Celestia knows why you hire a pony with a /lumberjack/ cutie mark named 'Shirley' as a town hall mailpony." He glances at the hooves on his shoulders and looks right towards Marble. "Also it apears a filly is taking all of Sky Blue and Salsa's honey. I assume you do not want that to happen."
( Marble blinks, then reads more of the report. After a few minutes, he waves in more deputies. Apparently Sexopants is having a hard time getting the ponies to behave. Honestly, who keeps fighting AFTER the authorities show up? Ponies are not very bright. Two each for Bardigan and Nitro. Since Nimbus seems to have calmed down, one deputy. Twist gets four since she's a SLIPPERY one, that Twist. "Okay, so... wait." Marble scratches his head. "You came in here to start a fight so..." Marble waves at the mailpony. "THIS pony would show up?" )
Nimbus_Dawning doesn't appear to have calmed down as such; it seems, like radiation, all the magic flying around (especially Nitro's broadcast) is finally getting to her. She confusedly staggers back a little, her back brushes the bar, and she jumps, whirling around to lariat the unseen assailant.
Nitro_Nine turns to glare at the two cops coming to try and arrest her. "Oh, you do NOT want to dance with me." the nightmareish firemare says, her breath smoking. "Touch me, and I will kick you both SO HARD that your boss will feel it."
Twist has her cart about half full by the time she finds four deputy ponies bearing down on her. "At eapbbbthe, boypbbbth, I'be god da coddrabadd udder gondrol." She continues trotting forward, only to discover that they have not cleared the way for her to perform her proper legal duties. "Hey! Oudda by way!" she shouts at them. Then they lunge... and a pixie stick slides down out of her mane along her nose, ripping on the sharp edge of her glasses. She sneezes with the power of a pair of sinuses forged in the unholy crucible of hay fever when all your parents feed you is hay. The meadery is suddenly choking with a cloud of pink sugar, itchy and sticky and as irritating to the throat and eyes as pepper spray. Used to traveling blind, honey jar still balanced on her head, Twist charges forward between the unfortunate officers. She can't even be tracked by sound because of the clatter of a hundred little gumballs falling out of her mane and tail in the midst of the police, each one's egg-fragile shell hiding a delicious fruity goo stickier than epoxy. Her defensive screens thus engaged and the Meadery turned into a candy minefield, she charges for the front door and her cart!
As if on cue, cops pour in through the doors. And windows. One brave pegasus even drops in through the chimney. All armed with floppy batons equipped with zappy 'Shock 'Em If You Got 'Em' spells on the ends, they start laying about on any grown ponies still contributing to the chaos. For some reason, most of them are also blowing whistles for all they're worth. Really, it just adds to the general confusion. Bardigan avoids most of it by grabbing Nimbus and sitting them both down at the bar, calm as could be. What's that officer? Oh, no, we're just spectators! No ne'er do wells here, but you might want to get Mare Do Well.
Skyheart starts coughing up bad as the place is suddenly assaulted with some sort of crowd control gas. He whines as he curls up under his seat. He'd give anything if only he could just be whisked out of here.
( "And every. Other. One. Of these. Raucous. Ponies." The economist takes a deep breath, leaning forward to clonk Marble once on the head with his horn. "Besides Bardigan and Nimbus. And that... fire pony thing. Now undo my hoofcuffs now." That last one is about as close to an order as Marble has ever heard from EB. "We will discuss this in your office, after these criminals are locked up." And then crowd control pixue dust goes everywhere, and he coughs wildly, his vision completely obscured. "MARBLE ROOSEVELT MEMORY!" he yells. )
Marble flailscoughs as the pixie dust settles in the room, his eyes tearing. "This..." COUGH COUGH COUGH! "... isn't my..." COUGH COUGH COUGH... "DOOOOOOOOOOOOOIIIING!" He fiumbles into his suit, coughing. Kerchief. Kerchief. Where the [BUY SOME APPLES] is his kerchief.
<OOC> Twist says, "Anybody want the bad news?"
<OOC> EconomistBrony says, "What?"
<OOC> Twist says, "Sugar is flammible, especially when aerosolized."
<OOC> Skyheart says, "You laced the Pixie Stick with LSD? Oh..."
<OOC> EconomistBrony says, "Oh shoot. XD"
<OOC> Skyheart says, "Crud..."
<OOC> Skyheart says, "HOSPTIAL BILLS FOR EVERYPONY!"
<OOC> EconomistBrony blames Marble.
<OOC> You say, "This is the best night ever."
<OOC> EconomistBrony says, "It really is, Bardigan. It really is."
<OOC> Marble_Memory blames Bardigan.
<OOC> Twist is CANDY BATMAN.
<OOC> EconomistBrony says, "And when we all come to the next morning and remember nothing but see a burnt-down meadery, we can blame Sky Blue."
<OOC> Marble_Memory says, "Which will work PERFECTLY."
<OOC> Quicksilver blaims Mable
Nimbus_Dawning doesn't seem affected by the pixie dust, mainly because all the magic flying around has set off her allergy. She sneezes uproarously as she is sat at the bar by Bardigan, and her ears promptly furl outward, giant, as the allergy reacts. Luckily another sneeze sets them back to normal.
Nitro_Nine ignites a bit more. "I said, Hoofs OFF!" she says, slugging one of the cops right in the funny bone. He collapses, laughing hysterically. "Just don't TOUCH ME!" she says, flailing wildly.
BOOM.
Twist leaps out of the front door of the Meadery, front and back legs extended, and grabs the poles of her honey-laden cart just as the shockwave hits! Flame rolls out of the door, and Twist's cart is launched away from the Meadery by the explosion, disappearing down the lane and into the mysterious night. Standing on her hind hooves on the seat is Twist, front legs extended like she's surfing... and with that last mason jar of honey still balanced perfectly in her mane. Candy justice triumphs again.
<OOC> You say, "http://mirrors.rit.edu/instantCSI/"
The smoldering wreckage of the meadery stirs several hours after the explosion. A certain near-white unicorn stirs, having thrown up a shield at the last minute - he's still badly singed and looks rather bruised from the building's debris, but he's mostly intact. He mutters something under his breath about destroying Marble before getting to work rummaging through the wreckage. The note on the supply closet, however, is perfectly fine.
EconomistBrony stands just around the corner. Hearing the swift clop of hooves against the cobblestones, the economist's ears twitch upwards. He can tell a cider-dweller's hooves when he hears them. EB slowly turns the corner, wearing his beige trenchcoat and a remarkably large fedora. "Mister Bardigan," his voice aches through the alley just as Bardigan begins to open the door. He steps closer and closer, the twinkle of his monocle catching in the light of a nearby gaslamp. "Funny seeing you here."
Nimbus_Dawning's hoofsteps should be like an earthquake on EB's senses, then! But the mare has been on the wagon for some time now, and she's actually kinda... cheerful. o.o She, making her way down the street, stops as she sees the familiar Bardigan called toward an alley by a shifty looking colt. They look like spies to her. o.O
Bardigan whirls on his hooves, turning to EB with wide eyes and a hoof raised in preparation to flee! But it's no marauder, just that crazy Canterlot pony. The one who tried to ride him. "Ah, EB," he says with a little sigh. "The feeling is... mutual." He looks around and ducks into the alley again, very suspicious looking to anypony who might be watching. "Are you here for some very particular items, too?"
( Precisely - she's on the wagon! Thus, it sounds more like... uh, wagon wheels than hooves against the cobblestones. And that isn't quite as much of a concern for Mister Eebie. Although he does turn his head slightly to catch the maraholic (alcahomare?) stopped and staring at his quarry and him. He doesn't directly recall when he attempted to ride Bardigan. But he is a crazy Canterlot pony. He slips into the alley before eyeing the speakeasy a short distance away. "Perhaps. Some items and some... stories, perhaps." )
Nimbus_Dawning spots how one of the ponies peers at her, before they seem to become more secretive. She might be more cheerful now but her old ways still affect her. Right now, the paranoia creeps in. Are they planning something about her? She makes a face a bit like this one: fc03.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/169/9/c/angry_rainbow_dash__vector__by_noztik-d53s00y.png (though with slightly less anger and slightly more curiosity) before wandering purposefully over.
"Stories?" Bardigan's ears flutter like wings. "Hmm. Well, I might be able to help with that..." He trails off when the sound of Nimbus' hoofsteps come ever closer. He turns around again and is about ready to throw EB at them when he realizes who it is. "Nimbus? My friend!" he immediately labels her. "I haven't seen you in some time! Where *have* you been? I was just here with EB about, erm... some very particular items."
( Ooooh, scrunchyface. But EB doesn't see it, as he has since rotated his attention to his erstwhile bard-class companion. You know what they say about economists and bards, after all. Particularly when walking into a bar. Well, maybe you don't. But it's /funny/. He turns towards hte bar before suddennly feeling Bardigan's hoofs on him, as though he's about to throw him like a javelin at Nimbus. Well, he does have a pointy bit. As he's let go and set back on the ground, however, the economist brushes the dust off his trenchcoat. He dips his head politely to nimbus. "Good evening, Miss Nimbus," the economist lowers his voice, forgetting that Bardigan already identified him. )
Nimbus_Dawning is surprised at the quick, almost attacking reflexes of Bard, and moreso to then find out it /is/ Bard. The spoony bard! Curiosity overtakes paranoia by this point, as Bardigan speaks and EB introduces himself. Hm. "Hello." she replies. "Am I interrupting anything?"
"What? No!" Bardigan says quickly, only now retracting his hooves from EB. "No, not at all. It's all... very proper, what's going on here. Very proper indeed." He looks back at EB, dressed like a spy though he is, as if for direction, then back at Nimbus. "It's good to see you whole and hearty! ...What are *you* doing here?" he asks, pointing his hoof back at her in what he believes is a very clever turnaround of the question of who is doing what.
( "... No." EB turns to Bardigan and whispers into his featherlike ears, "the feathered cerulean plotline denouements at sunset". He then proceeds to slink backwards into the shadows such that he can only be slightly visible by both Bardigan and Nimbus. You know, conspicuously-placed shadows. They're useful. He stands silence, watching for the moment. And eyeing the door. Cider calls. )
Nimbus_Dawning has feathers, and is a rather cerulean shade of blue. So... you can imagine how suspicious she is when her initial nod and attempt to reply to Bard is cut off by that. "A feathered, cerulean /what/?" she asks with more than a touch of indignance.
"But the sapphiric line dance concludes at the tip of a rose!" Bardigan hastily whispers back. He turns back to Nimbus with a mollifying smile. "Don't listen to him. He's silly. Your feathers are fine." He begins to slink backwards with EB towards the meadery, switching his old feathered hat for Luna's Hat. Everything slowly fades to black and white. "Now, then. You're welcome to stick around for what's to come, but I can't promise it'll all be... above board, so to speak. I believe a chance meeting has left us with an undeniable opportunity to converge certain plotlines and knot off a few frayed ropes of uncertanity."
A drink. Maybe that'll help him out a bit. Skyheart enters the area by the meadery where a lot of other ponies are sitting. He doesn't bother talking just yet. They all seem busy anyway.
Nimbus_Dawning scratches behind her mane with a hoof. "All the ponies in this town really are crazy." She observes, but gives a shrug. "Okay, I'mcurious." she confirms to Bard.
EB, for the record. He looks back over towards Bardigan upon his swift and pertinent response and gives him a slow, steady nod. Bardigan knows precisely what he needs to do now. He looks back over towards Nimbus and inwardly chortles. "I am not referring to you whatsoever, Miss Nimbus," the unicorn responds. "Precisely. I look forward to visiting Gordium." He thent urns and walks right into the bar. Actually, he runs into the door, rubs his forehead, then opens the door before waling through.
Bardigan nods for Nimbus to follow and slinks in besides EB, glancing around. The meadery is quite busy, given the time of day and how many ponies have been industrious and hardworking and just want a break. His eyes glide over the scenery, of ponies drinking and laughing and joking. "Well, what a crowd we have," he says. They have the nitty-gritty of Ponyville's populace: the construction workers, the craftponies, the movers and the shakers. "You think tonight'll get rough?" he asks EB, gruff as all get out.
Skyheart enters into the meadery lazily. He's not here to socialize. As bad an idea as it is, he just wants to sit and relax. He sits down at a corner table to himself and orders a decent wine. The rather prissy drink combined with the prissier poet gets a few jeers from the rough and tumble crew around him. He's ignoring them however.
( Skyheart enters into the meadery lazily. He's not here to socialize. As bad an idea as it is, he just wants to sit and relax. He sits down at a corner table to himself and orders a decent wine. The rather prissy drink combined with the prissier poet gets a few jeers from the rough and tumble crew around him. He's ignoring them however. )
Nimbus_Dawning, in contrast, has no problem with rowdy ponies, or fighting. Which is good, as jeering isn't something she likes. She adjusts her wings a little in an attempt to subtley (yes it's a word) conceal her blank flanks.But other than that, outwardly she doesn't seem preturbed.
EconomistBrony trots in as though he fits perfectly in with the blue-collar and industrious ponies of Ponyville. "Does it ever not get rough?" the economist asks with a chortle before disappearing into the sea of ponies. Is he... gone? Maybe? Oh, no, you can see him chatting up a few ponies in a dark corner before suddenly reappearing at the bar. "Strongest cider." He flips a hoofful of bits up onto the bar from his hat. Is he keeping... coins... on his hat? He toss
Nimbus_Dawning has no problem with wading through the great unwashed, though one or two get a good mule kick on the way past for justifiable reasons. Arriving at the bar, she hrm's. "Cherry juice." she requests. On the wagon!
Bardigan hops up onto the bar, watching EB go to work on the locals for... whatever it is he's looking for. "So," he asks in a low whisper. "I hear you were here to look for... stories, EB? What kind? I might be able to help with that. Cider," he says, flipping out his own bits from a saddle bag.
( "Yes. Stories." The economist hovers up the cider placed before him. He glances over to see Nimbus purchase her cherry juice and happly incentivizes her wagony behavior, tossing over another small pile of bits from his hat. He sets his fedora on the bar, now devoid of change, and looks back to Bardigan. "Tell me, do you recognize the pony over there, in the red?" he almost whispers, gesturing with his snout towards a burly-looking stallion in a red vest. )
Skyheart remains in his corner gently sipping at his drink. Not bothering anypony, he sits with his bags at his sides.
Nitro_Nine trots into the meadery, looking confident, poised... And utterly evil. She's even got a big billowy drama cape that swirls about her fine dress as she saunters in. "Settle down boys." she says. "I'll take an Exploding Volcano with a Peppermint Twist garnish." she says, striking a pose. "The Great and Powerful Nitro has arrived."
Nimbus_Dawning stretches, crickling some joints, but keeps her wings folded back some. It's not that she's ashamed of her blank flanks, she just doesn't feel like beating up half the bar. Honest. She nods thanks to EB's paying ways, and sips the cherry juice. Double strength. It's like there's a party in her mouth and her taste buds are disco dancing.
Derpy tends bar, trying to be tireless and impassive about it. "Any other drink order?" she asks the room without any particular focus.
Bardigan shakes his head. "No, I don't... but I *do* know that unicorn who just wandered in," he murmurs, his eyes drawn to Nitro and her dress, but then his gaze goes right past her to Skyheart. "And I know *him!*" he says, sounding surprised. "Well, tonight's becoming crowded."
EconomistBrony would totally go back-to-back with Nimbus in a barfight.
Skyheart doesn't yet notice anyone since he's stuck in the back. Still, he has the feeling there's eyes on him so he looks around trying to spot where it's coming from.
( "Good." EB's eyes turn to glance once at Nitro and her dress before glancing over to Skyheart as well. "Well, it's a good night for a drink. Tell me, Bardigan, how's your hoof-to-hoof?" the unicorn asks calmly before drinking down that cider in one fell swoop. "If an... altercation... were to suddenly take place, do you have my back?" )
Nitro_Nine doesn't like being ignored... But she wanders to the bar and sits sullenly on one of the many cushions around the low place. She'll show them. She'll show them all what it means to be... Uhm... Terrorified? Yeah, that sounds good. Her eyes glow redly as her drink ignites in a roaring inferno.
Derpy is concerned about Nitro's drink. She's pretty sure that drink wasn't supposed to do that. Was Salsa trying out a new recipe? Derpy flutters out from behind the bar and lands over by Nitro Nine. "Uh... are enjoying drink?" she asks tactfully.
Nimbus_Dawning crickles a few more joints. Though EB is addressing Bardigan, she raises an eyebrow and replies, "Expecting a fight, are you?" she asks, ducking a fluttering Ditz.
Bardigan's ear flicks back towards EB. "An altercation? That's a little presumptuous, don't you think?" he wonders. "But if somepony were to disagree with any strongly worded opinion you might put forth, or make themselves inordinately hostile, I would say... yes, you would have my verbal and physical support. To do anything less would make me utterly undeserving of the title 'gentlecolt.'" He smirks. "Many mistake gentle for meek, and I'v been through too much to be called *meek.*" He takes a large sip of cider, feeling it burn on the way down. "That pony's drink is on fire."
Twist has arrived.
( "... Given that bits are involved, Miss Nimbus, I estimate the probability of a fight at 75%." He turns back towards Bardigan. "We shalll discuss those stories again when I return. For now, just consider if you have any recent... personal tales... of which you would like to perhaps pass onto someone who regularly spins tales they hear to the ternal white." He glances back towards the flaming drink and the crowd gathering around it and takes advantage of the monentary chaos to sweep into the mob of ponies in the meadery. Not thirty seconds later, you see the red pony EB pointed out later crashing into a table, surrounded by a royal blue glow. EB stares down through his monocle. "You're late." )
Skyheart peers over at the small gathering to see that somepony's drink is on fire. He squints to get a better look and sighs. "Great..." He recognizes Nitro and tries to keep himself to the back.
Nitro_Nine chuckles and nods. "Yes, It's quite tangy." she says, downing half the drink while it still flames and burns. She belches a little fire, some of the flames licking at her face like little puppy dog tongues. "You are the local mailmare, are you not?" she asks. "Why art thou working another job?"
Derpy flinches back at the show of flame and the red eyes. She stepsteps nervously. But the customer is always... not a demon! Right? "Am mailmare! But also? Sky Blue is daughter. Therefore while Blue away, must tend meadery!"
Nitro_Nine's jaw drops. "Sky Blue is your DAUGHTER?" she asks, dropping her drink in shock, the flaming liquid spilling across the floor.
Nimbus_Dawning hm's, and crickles her neck. "To tell the truth, fighting was a much more attractive prospect when I was off the wagon. Though enough happened just walking past that crowd to the bar to warrant a few beatings." She drinks her drink, and ducks casually as a pony flies overhead and through a table. Ding ding, round one.
Bardigan's jaw drops, but he quickly recovers and downs the rest of his cider. The pony in the vest just landed *right in front of him.* "That's a bit more severe than a simple altercation," he says, and rises up from his seat, glancing Nimbus' way. "So, I have EB's back. Do you have mine?"
The front door thumps. It thumps again. The doorknob clicks, and Twist pushes it open half an inch. Then she rears around and kicks the door with both back hooves, slamming it open! Okay, not all that loudly. Her hair has more muscle tone than her legs. Leaping inside, she yells, "Nobody move! Thith ipbbbth the Caddy Enforpbbbthmedd Divi-DAT'PBBBTH BURDIGG HUDDY ARE YOU CRAPBBBTHY?!" Scrambling hurriedly across the Meadery, she pulls a gum wrapper the size of a blanket out of her mane, spreads it over Nitro's spilled fire, and dances up and down on it to stamp out the flames.
Derpy dances back from the flaming drink in terror. She stares between Nitro and the spreading fire... which thankfully seems to be burning itself out. "Is adopt-a-daughter! Do... do you need refill?" Derpy is so humble sometimes. Then she looks over in a panic at the sound of a broken table. Uh oh. "Saaalllsaa!!" At least the latest disaster, Twist, seems to be resolving the first disaster.
EconomistBrony squints his eyes slightly at the earth pony in a red vest. The pony stammers, attempting to explain, but it appears EB isn't having it. "There are two inevitabilities in life, my friend," EB muses cooly as two rather burly stallions walk up behind him. "I suggest you choose 'taxes'." He hovers out a tax bill with a large red stamp of 'overdue' on it and stabs it into the table with a surprisingly sharp fountain pen, right next to the pony en rouge. "Miss Nimbus and Mister Bardigan. I presume you can take the one to my left?" He lifts up his right leg and prepares to buck.
Nitro_Nine hisses and trots over to Twist, levitating her into the air (and upside down). "Hey! I don't break your toys! Stop hurting my babies!" she says, gathering up the little licks of fire remaining. But... Twist... She looks down at the little flames... She can make more. Twist is too adorably incomprehensible to disobey... "Okay FINE... But lemme buy you a drink."
Skyheart watches rather carefully. He hopes SOMEPONY will stop Nitro from buying a drink for a small filly. He's too far in the back to really do anything and part of him is currently apathetic enough to not want to be involved.
Twist floats in the air upside down. Her glasses hang loose, but don't fall off because they seem to have been stuck to her ears with bubblegum. She gives Nitro a watery-eyed glare. "Are you dryigg to bribe ad offipbbbther ob da caddy law? Becaupbbbth I dage by honey pbbbthrait." Every couple of seconds as she hangs, a small piece of candy falls out of her mane and tail - a bit of candy corn, a peppermint, a chunk of that chewy butterscotch in a wrapper with Twist's face on it, that kind of thing.
Nimbus_Dawning, luckily for EB, doesn't quite catch his motive - Nimbus is decidedly closer to the blue collar rather than the white one. "I'm not sure any colt is dense enough to try me, so no, none of them will be getting anywhere near your back." she says to Bard as EB the Bounty Hunter continues.
Bardigan sidles up next to EB with an insouciant smile, his hat tilted just a bit to the left atop his head. "This pony once crawled into a pile of spiders. You really don't want to lock horns with him." EB's saying something. Bardigan turns to face him. "The who on the-?" Stars explode in his vision as a misplaced buck from 'the one on the left' catches him on the face. He flops over EB and looks up to see a mare with a jackhammer cutie mark and a very surprised look on her face. "Huh! I wush aimin' fer *that* one!" she exclaims, pointing in EB's general direction. "Well," Bardigan mutters with a sharp glance at Nimbus, "at least that wasn't from the back." And with that, Bardigan springs off EB's side and aims to tackle the brawny mare.
Derpy backs off slowly toward the bar, taking in the scene in terror. "No fighting! Fighting is ~meeean!~" she implores, pointing toward the woodcut sign over the bar that reads "NO FIGHTING--FIGHTING IS MEAN!" When the demon keeps harassing the clearly not-to-be-messed-with kid, and a full-fledged bar brawl breaks out, she stumbles toward the kitchen. "SAAALLLSSAAA!!" she calls again. This group needs some anti-gnome suppressant.
EconomistBrony is a little too busy at the moment acting as a one-pony tax enforcement division to act as the bureau of alcohol. And given Bardigan just flopped over him from a well-placed buck to the face, it looks like his work is cut out for him. He glances at the pony to the right, a stout unicorn stallion with a lumberjack cutie mark, and turns to Bardigan. "Verily." He resettles the monocle on his eye and hurls the trenchcoat from his back, covering the prone tax-avoidance pony still dazed on the table. He dodges down beneath a buck from the lumberjack before firing a hornbeam, knocking the lumberpony back a few feet before throwing his hat forward to cover his face.
Nimbus_Dawning makes out ol' Ditzyder's yelling over the sudden barroom brawl that's erupting. Just as she leaps into action, she manages a, "Fighting isn't mean... Fighting... is... Magic!" before she dives into the fray. True to her bet, it's mostly only mares that are daring to try her.
Nitro_Nine smiles. "Miss Derpy. Let me handle this." she says, walking calmly into the middle of the fight. "Boys. Girls. Please stop fighting. The fighting stresses me out so and it truly does upset me. You would not want that would you?" she asks, her horn glowing as her own special brand of mind magic washes over those succeptible to its influence.
Skyheart is still trying to hide as best he can. He ducks into a corner underneath the table he's at to avoid the fighting. Why did he come here? Why didn't he just stay home?
Derpy failed to find Salsa in the kitchen, so in a panic, she ran to find the Chancellor so he could muster up a posse to help. Derpy is now off who-knows-where.
There is just one teensy little problem: Bardigan has no idea how to *actually* fight. Why is he doing this again? He slams into the mare on the left and sends her sprawling, mostly due to how drunk she is more than any ability on his part. "Normally I would never strike a mare," he says, "but gender disparity makes it hard to find colts in these situations. I'm sure you understand." His eyes widen as the drunken pony, face contorted with rage, comes flying at him - and he goes flying straight up to dodge her bull rush. "I bet you don't know what a heroic couplet is!" he jeers, right after an overeager pegasus stallion drags him back down, applying a chokehold from behind. Bardigan snatches up a bottle and clumsily tries to bonk his attacker with it. "It's - grrk- a sequence of *rhyming* *pairs* of *iambic* *pentameterrrk!"
Twist has been abandoned. Midair. Upside down. Her little hooves wiggle helplessly. Then she thinks out loud, "Wait. I'b da tough apbbbth nailpbbbth head ob da Caddy Edforpbbbthbed Devipbbbthiod! Hyah!" Rummaging in her mane, she pulls a loooong braid of licorice out of her hair, licks and slobbers over the end, fashions it into a lasso, and flings it out to catch on one of Sky's mead barrels behind the bar. Wrapping her fingerless hooves in licorice, she pulls herself arm over arm over to the bar!
EconomistBrony, thankfully, is a unicorn! So mind magic... sort of bounces off the makeshift shield he threw around himself. Which is good, because that lumberjack unicorn in front of him fired back a hornbeam. The shield glimmers sharply before the beam dissipates harmlessly. EB proceeds to make things simple - and bucks the lumberjack twice, one two, causing him to fly back into another table. EB swiftly hovers over a small wooden beam from a broken table and shoves it down, restraining the lumberjack... justly, with a beam of wood. He swivels around to observe Bardigan and the now -two- ponies facing him. He fires three hornbeams in quick succession at Bardigan's attacker - pewpewpew.
Nimbus_Dawning is /very/ lucky that Nitro is only generally 'broadcasting' that magic and not specifically casting it at her - it has no noticable effect (yet) on her allergy this way. Buckin' one adventurous colt, she quickly swipes his stetson up. "Lemme borrow this." she quips, plonking it on her own head. And then she literally dives into another colt sneaking up on EB.
Nitro_Nine looks around, baffled. "LISTEN TO ME!" she says... Then she gets mad. She bursts into flames quite literally as she leaps into the fray. OWCH! She HAS BEEN trained to fight. Horn, tooth, and hoof flail in what seem like wild, random patterns. She manages to smack a particularly drunk mare in the face, leaving a hoof-shaped imprint on her as she knocks the beach-goer over.
After another several minutes of brawling the front door opens wide and two ponies enter. One is a bemoustached, official looking bony with a star badge on his collar, who looks perhaps a little stunned at what is going on, and Ponyville's Chancellor, Marble Roosevelt Memory, lookign mroe than a little cross. After watching the melee for a bit longer he clears his throat. He pokes the sherriff, who blows loudly on a whistle, a harsh, piercing sound. He then shouts at the brawlers, "AYE THA' BE ABOUT ENOUGH, YE POTATO-SHAPED BO'OM DWELLERS!" Marble hears the sherriffs accent and... just looks slowly at Sherriff Felicia Sexopants. "IT'S A WEE BIT LA'E NOW FER YER BRAWLIN' ANNA SLUGGIN'!"
There's a terrifying moment of dawning comprehension for both Bardigan and the pony choking him as concentrated pews of magic come at them. "No no no-!" Bardigan squeaks out. The first two beams strike the pegasus behind him dead on the jaw, making him spin - just in time for Bardigan to catch the last one. Magical pixie dust never hurt so much. Bardigan flops over, incidentally dodging another clumsy punch. He uses his wings to backpedal towards EB. "Magic. Is. *Stinging,*" he hisses through a large singe mark covering half his face. His hat just hangs barely off one ear, still painting everything in black and white. Good thing he has such an eye for faces, or this would be *really* confusing.
Forgotten by Nitro, Twist pulls herself far enough away from where she was held in midair that with a *pop* she pulls free, swinging down on her licorice rope to land on the side of a mead barrel. "You haddle da perppbbbth add I'll impound da evidebpbbbth!" she yells over at Sherrif Sexopants, giving him a sharp salute. Abseiling to the floor, she trots over to the storeroom door, sticks a Pocky in the lock, twists, opens the door, disappears inside, and comes trotting out with her first mason jar of honey balanced on her head.
( Spiders! Yes, spiders! THAT'S where he rode Bardigan. Right? He can't remember. He's pretty sure he ride Bardigan right on into the center of a gigantic mound of spiders to fetch the Orbus Arachneiaum, rescuing Ponyville for arachnophoponies everywhhere. So yes, a little fight is a bit less thrilling than his normal fare. Then again, he's only been doing this for over a thou-, er, a while. He ducks down to the floor as Nimbus dives into the colt behind him. "Thank you, Nimbus!" He watches as Nitro proceeds to down another burly mare right to his side. "And thank you, flaming mare!" This is going better than he thought. He hears the sudden shout of the sheriff, however, and proceeds to clear his throat. EB dodges a punch, then fires a flare up into the air. "Chancellor and Sheriff!" He leaps up onto the bar. "YOU SHALL FIND THE PERTINENT PAPERWORK IN MY BAG." He punts the bag right to Marble before leaping up, landing on a tackling pegasus and drives him into the floor. )
Nimbus_Dawning manages a salute to EB just before locking a mare in a Summer Squash Suplex onto the bar. "Ooh, one sec. I always wanted to do this." And then she runs the mare along the bar, western style, sliding from one end to the other, sending drinks flying everywhere. Eventually the mare skids to a stop, just short of one final glass. Aw. Nimbus glances around, before knocking it off the bar with a hoof.
Felicia Sexopants marches over to EB and tackles him down and, should he succeed, puts him in hoofcuffs. "AYE, THA'LL GETCHA IN A WEE BIT O' TIME!" HE hauls the economist upwhile a nonplussed-looking MArble raises his eyebrow as the economist tosses a bag. HE'll look in just a moment. "Listen up, all of you. I am Chancellor Marble Memory. I was a little displeased to hear about this. So the next pony who bucks, throws a punch, fores magic energy bolts or even so much as uses a rude *name* will be thrown in the county jail for a couple of days, and be fined. One Sexopants hoofs Economisst over to some deputies (Whered *they* come from?) he heads over to Nimbus, "AN' THA'S ENOUGH OUTTA YOU!"
Bardigan watches the taxpony and everypony else going to town. He sits up, rather wobbly, as EB leaps over him to grab another pegasus, then calmly props himself up on a table. He downs the last of somepony's cider before using the mug to conk a mare on the head who was lifting a chair towards Nimbus. "This is what I get for living in the country," he says with a smile. Oh, dear. That's a *very* enthusiastic sheriff. Bardigan hoofs it over to them. "Ahem! Ahem. You there! Yes, you, the important looking ponies. Are you *really* going to arrest a senior member of the Canterlot Tax Collection Agency/Department/whatever it is you have up there? My associate was putting himself in harm's way in the line of duty! Before a *lot* of paperwork needs to be signed by *everypony*, I suggest we just... all calm down. No hoofcuffs, no fuss, just ponies deliberating calmly and rationally. Can we agree to that?"
There's a moment of silence.
Somepony throws a mug.
The fight explodes into violence again.
Nitro_Nine never STOPPED fighting. She's having the time of her light. The blows and magical blasts appear to be clearing her head. The world is so lovely and wonderful... In NitroLand. In RealLand, she's being a bit on the brutal, firey side. While nopony's caught fire, there are going to be a couple of embarassing brands later!
Skyheart is still hiding in the corner, now rather whimpering wondering if he's going to be arrested or not.
EconomistBrony's eyes gain a fiery, furious glare as the sheriff actually -kicks- him over to some deputies. "Why yo-" the finance minister starts looking furious. "Marble Roosevelt Memory." You can practically see the mixture of anger and disappointment dripping from each of EB's words. "Get. These. Hoofcuffs. OFF ME. THIS. INSTANT."
Marble turns puts his hooves on the economist as Sexopants, having the time of his life, soon makes quick work of apprehending the pony with the great hat. Marble puts his hooves squarely on the economist's shoulders and says, "WHAT IN TARTARUS IS THE MATTER WITH YOU, SIR?!" Oh, he can be angry right back, he's a father. He's as much angry and disappointed. "You come into my town, start a bar-room brawl, make an already very stressful day MORE stressful, for what?" Marble marches over to the bags and ruffles through them, then reads the document. He sputters. He sputters again. "TAX EVASION? TAX EVASION!?" He waves the forms at EB. "You pranced in, punched ponies without probably purpose of performing pronouncement of practical policy by pounding plots?! TAX EVASION!" He throws the form on the ground. "I expected better of you, sir. At the very least a COURTESY visit before you disrupt the peace in town, *my* town. For Tax. Evasion. ... ... ..." He flails his hooves in the air. "Have you gone *insane?*"
Twist carries out the first jar of honey, since she's been completely ignored. She returns with a little cart that she parks right outside the door, and trots back to the supply closet. Licking the gummed back of a paper, she sticks it on the door. It reads 'CANDY ENFORCEMENT DIVISION INDICTMENT FOR CANDY VIOLATIONS. Upon search of the premises, it has been confirmed that one Sky Blue is using valuable, delicious, mouth-watering honey that could be used to flavor chocolate bars, made into taffy, or eaten raw to instead make alcohol, which she could have made out of bread. The Candy Enforcement Division's summary judgment is that Sky Blue should be ashamed of herself, and all her honey has been impounded. DON'T DO IT AGAIN.' Her legal case made, Twist balances another jar of honey on her head, and starts ferrying the jars back and forth out the door, filling up her cart.
Nimbus_Dawning still has a pony in a headlock. She would listen, but is rather preoccupied trying to avoid flailing hooves.
Bardigan yelps as Sexopants and his legendary thighs crash right into him with what can only be described as unnecessary force. "You sir are impertinent!" he squawks. And it's not a *great big hat.* It's a very compact and stylish one that suits a meadery like this perfectly. Fortunately, Bardigan gets help in the form of a great big earth stallion who seems, like Nitro, to be having the time of his life. Bardigan breaks from Sexopants and flops and flails over to Nimbus, helpfully uppercutting the pony she's got in a headlock along the way. He rubs his now aching hoof. If Fighting is Magic, then Magic really, really hurts. "Thanks for the help," he mutters, looking rather silly with an askew hat and half his face covered in soot. It seems they need more police ponies... or just wait until everypony knocks each other into unconsciousness.
EconomistBrony stares at Marble. His eyes narrow. "Read more than the first paragraph." The economist's nose flares sharply. "And look at the pony under the hat. Celestia knows why you hire a pony with a /lumberjack/ cutie mark named 'Shirley' as a town hall mailpony." He glances at the hooves on his shoulders and looks right towards Marble. "Also it apears a filly is taking all of Sky Blue and Salsa's honey. I assume you do not want that to happen."
( Marble blinks, then reads more of the report. After a few minutes, he waves in more deputies. Apparently Sexopants is having a hard time getting the ponies to behave. Honestly, who keeps fighting AFTER the authorities show up? Ponies are not very bright. Two each for Bardigan and Nitro. Since Nimbus seems to have calmed down, one deputy. Twist gets four since she's a SLIPPERY one, that Twist. "Okay, so... wait." Marble scratches his head. "You came in here to start a fight so..." Marble waves at the mailpony. "THIS pony would show up?" )
Nimbus_Dawning doesn't appear to have calmed down as such; it seems, like radiation, all the magic flying around (especially Nitro's broadcast) is finally getting to her. She confusedly staggers back a little, her back brushes the bar, and she jumps, whirling around to lariat the unseen assailant.
Nitro_Nine turns to glare at the two cops coming to try and arrest her. "Oh, you do NOT want to dance with me." the nightmareish firemare says, her breath smoking. "Touch me, and I will kick you both SO HARD that your boss will feel it."
Twist has her cart about half full by the time she finds four deputy ponies bearing down on her. "At eapbbbthe, boypbbbth, I'be god da coddrabadd udder gondrol." She continues trotting forward, only to discover that they have not cleared the way for her to perform her proper legal duties. "Hey! Oudda by way!" she shouts at them. Then they lunge... and a pixie stick slides down out of her mane along her nose, ripping on the sharp edge of her glasses. She sneezes with the power of a pair of sinuses forged in the unholy crucible of hay fever when all your parents feed you is hay. The meadery is suddenly choking with a cloud of pink sugar, itchy and sticky and as irritating to the throat and eyes as pepper spray. Used to traveling blind, honey jar still balanced on her head, Twist charges forward between the unfortunate officers. She can't even be tracked by sound because of the clatter of a hundred little gumballs falling out of her mane and tail in the midst of the police, each one's egg-fragile shell hiding a delicious fruity goo stickier than epoxy. Her defensive screens thus engaged and the Meadery turned into a candy minefield, she charges for the front door and her cart!
As if on cue, cops pour in through the doors. And windows. One brave pegasus even drops in through the chimney. All armed with floppy batons equipped with zappy 'Shock 'Em If You Got 'Em' spells on the ends, they start laying about on any grown ponies still contributing to the chaos. For some reason, most of them are also blowing whistles for all they're worth. Really, it just adds to the general confusion. Bardigan avoids most of it by grabbing Nimbus and sitting them both down at the bar, calm as could be. What's that officer? Oh, no, we're just spectators! No ne'er do wells here, but you might want to get Mare Do Well.
Skyheart starts coughing up bad as the place is suddenly assaulted with some sort of crowd control gas. He whines as he curls up under his seat. He'd give anything if only he could just be whisked out of here.
( "And every. Other. One. Of these. Raucous. Ponies." The economist takes a deep breath, leaning forward to clonk Marble once on the head with his horn. "Besides Bardigan and Nimbus. And that... fire pony thing. Now undo my hoofcuffs now." That last one is about as close to an order as Marble has ever heard from EB. "We will discuss this in your office, after these criminals are locked up." And then crowd control pixue dust goes everywhere, and he coughs wildly, his vision completely obscured. "MARBLE ROOSEVELT MEMORY!" he yells. )
Marble flailscoughs as the pixie dust settles in the room, his eyes tearing. "This..." COUGH COUGH COUGH! "... isn't my..." COUGH COUGH COUGH... "DOOOOOOOOOOOOOIIIING!" He fiumbles into his suit, coughing. Kerchief. Kerchief. Where the [BUY SOME APPLES] is his kerchief.
<OOC> Twist says, "Anybody want the bad news?"
<OOC> EconomistBrony says, "What?"
<OOC> Twist says, "Sugar is flammible, especially when aerosolized."
<OOC> Skyheart says, "You laced the Pixie Stick with LSD? Oh..."
<OOC> EconomistBrony says, "Oh shoot. XD"
<OOC> Skyheart says, "Crud..."
<OOC> Skyheart says, "HOSPTIAL BILLS FOR EVERYPONY!"
<OOC> EconomistBrony blames Marble.
<OOC> You say, "This is the best night ever."
<OOC> EconomistBrony says, "It really is, Bardigan. It really is."
<OOC> Marble_Memory blames Bardigan.
<OOC> Twist is CANDY BATMAN.
<OOC> EconomistBrony says, "And when we all come to the next morning and remember nothing but see a burnt-down meadery, we can blame Sky Blue."
<OOC> Marble_Memory says, "Which will work PERFECTLY."
<OOC> Quicksilver blaims Mable
Nimbus_Dawning doesn't seem affected by the pixie dust, mainly because all the magic flying around has set off her allergy. She sneezes uproarously as she is sat at the bar by Bardigan, and her ears promptly furl outward, giant, as the allergy reacts. Luckily another sneeze sets them back to normal.
Nitro_Nine ignites a bit more. "I said, Hoofs OFF!" she says, slugging one of the cops right in the funny bone. He collapses, laughing hysterically. "Just don't TOUCH ME!" she says, flailing wildly.
BOOM.
Twist leaps out of the front door of the Meadery, front and back legs extended, and grabs the poles of her honey-laden cart just as the shockwave hits! Flame rolls out of the door, and Twist's cart is launched away from the Meadery by the explosion, disappearing down the lane and into the mysterious night. Standing on her hind hooves on the seat is Twist, front legs extended like she's surfing... and with that last mason jar of honey still balanced perfectly in her mane. Candy justice triumphs again.
<OOC> You say, "http://mirrors.rit.edu/instantCSI/"
The smoldering wreckage of the meadery stirs several hours after the explosion. A certain near-white unicorn stirs, having thrown up a shield at the last minute - he's still badly singed and looks rather bruised from the building's debris, but he's mostly intact. He mutters something under his breath about destroying Marble before getting to work rummaging through the wreckage. The note on the supply closet, however, is perfectly fine.
