Post by Bardigan on May 29, 2013 11:30:52 GMT -5
Sequel to "Justice Is Best Served With Explosions." The Princesses visit those caught in the explosion to give their condolences, and Bardigan is called on to give some more-than-factual testimony to see who was responsible. Includes some of the hilarious OOC chatter.
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The outer wall of the ward disappears. The edges where it stood are framed by sparkling night sky, and on the other side is a corridor from the opposite side of the hospital. In this gap are framed The Powers That Be, the Ultimate Authorities, Rulers Of Land, Sky, And The Heavens Themselves, yadda yadda yadda - Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, and Princess Twilight Sparkle. Luna's eyes are doing the glowing white thing and she's sniffing at the other two, "See? I TOLD thee this was the right direction. Never trust doors." Then she jerks her attention back to the sick room, and as she crosses the threshold addresses the sufferers more formally. "GREETINGS, OUR BELOVED SUBJECTS. SO WE COME TO THEE IN THY HOUR OF NEED.""
Twilight_Sparkle keeps a bit behind the other princesses. They've had thousands of years to practice this, and she's still kind of a rookie. She's like Winston to the other Ghostbusters. Ron Wood to the other Rolling Stones.
Luna's shout finally snaps Skyheart back to his senses. He's awake, but he looks injured and sick. His eyes are pale green and he looks like he's only half conscious. His IV also has an odd blue tint to them. "Urgh....."
EconomistBrony stares. Did the nurses give him too much medicine or are the Princesses actually... coming through the wall. Actually, that sounds completely like Luna. Yep, Princesses are visiting. All three. Maybe Cadence is off in the Crystal Lake or something.
Lesser powers had less dramatic means of entry, as Nightshade demonstrates by merely shadow-shifting into the room via the long shadow a cabinet casts on one wall. Her contacts had alerted her of something important going down here, and she was loathe to be excused from it. She looks around: everything /seems/ normal, except... "What's wrong with him?" she asks, peering at Skyheart.
The Chancellor, for his part, is trying to do what he can in this emergency. Which is nothing. "MmemmmmpoipppmMmmph!" What happened to the lights, what is-- Oh. Canterlot Voice. Princesses are here. And he's not in his best attire. "Mppphphpiph."
Memoire_Musique slides quietly down the wall, then hops back up onto her daddy's bed, wobbling on three hooves as she tries to salute the royalty... but winds up smacking herself in the face. "Memmy! Waboo bran rubarb muffin!" she says, stringing together the words she knows.
Celestia rolls her eyes once. "Doors are far less likely to have portals to other dimensions, now, beloved sister." She hides a just slightly exasperated sigh before crossing the threshold to the eternal night sky and into the burn ward. "Good evening, my little ponies. I'm sorry to hear that so many of you were hurt in that tragic accident. Now, where are the flowers?" Celestia glances over to Luna and Twilight and blinks. "... Please tell me somepony remembered the flowers."
Twilight_Sparkle's eyes go wide for a moment. She knew she'd forgotten something! "Flowers! I, er...yeah, I'm right on top of that!" She closes her eyes and her horn flashes, and some flowers appear in the air, freshly clipped from somepony's garden somewhere probably. She sets about arranging them artistically and quite hurriedly. "C'mon, Twilight," she mutters to herself as she whisks the flowers about in the air. "What would rarity do? Think combinations of colors!"
Whatever force was keeping Bardigan under is not enough to stop him jolting awake when Luna's shout explodes through the confines of the room. His eyes dart back and forth with the rest of him imprisoned, and his eyes land on... all. Three. Princesses. His eyes stay riveted on the gaggle of royalty while he jingles and jangles in his harnesses, trying to find that pencil the nurses always forget to give back to him. Where is it, where is it?
Luna extends her wings, then props the tips against her hips crossly as she barks back at Celestia, "Of COURSE I brought the flowers. Twilight Sparkle, rend- oh." She blinks, finding that Twilight has already fixed the problem. When she does the light goes out of her eyes, and the wall blinks back into existence. She recovers quickly. "SEE?" she shoots at Celestia, "And now, as Twilight and I prearranged because we are RESPONSIBLE princesses, I shall render the invalid capable of speech so prosecution may proceed. Who requires assistance?"
Skyheart cannot respond properly due to his newfound condition. He seems to recognize the princesses, though. Seems he's at least partially coming to.
Nightshade doesn't seem to be flowing with the princesses' cheeriness. She's very much focused on...something. Something's wrong, but what? She glances at the IVs, trying to remember if they were usually that colour. It might be some new concoction. "Perhaps we should have the nurses move their bandages so that they can speak to us?" she suggests. Hopefully she gets noticed /this/ time.
Memoire_Musique giggles, and (her job of greeting being done), rolls onto her back and sticks a hoof in her mouth, cuddling up to her betractioned daddy.
Celestia had no idea that a trio of Princesses was referred to as a gaggle. But then again, that's why -she- isn't the playwright. The Princess of the Sun and Primary Ruler of Equestria and Secondary Organizer of Canterlot's Premier Taco Night smiles coyly upon Twilight's reappearance together with a 'delightful' little assortment of fresh flowers. "Very well, Luna, go ahead and proceed." Celestia turns and walks over to nearby patients, gently whispering reassurances of speedy recovery into their ears.
Twilight_Sparkle distributes the flowers as appropriate, to all the sick ponies. "Flowers! I've never been sure how the tradition developed of bringing flowers to sick people. What's the message? 'We, your princesses, bring you the severed sex organs of several different species of plant.' Of course, it has its origins in ancient pony times, when we really didn't know anything yet about plant reproduction." She says all of this to no one in particular, slipping into 'lecturing Spike' cadences.
Luna peers back at Twilight, her brow deeply furrowed. Well, lowered. The immortal Princess Forehead does not line. Then she looks over at Celestia. "Why DID we start that tradition?" Shrugging with her wings, she steps up to Bardigan. Her horn glows, and the nearest rose floats over to hover by his head. It smacks its lips, and mumbles in Bardigan's voice, "Pencil, pencil..." Stepping over to the next bed, she pokes Marble's IV line quizzically, then does the horn glowing thing again. A stapler floats out of a gift basket under Marble's bed up next to HIS head.
Bardigan never knew science could make flowers sound gross. After a little more hoof waggling he *finally* manages to snatch up his pencil. 'Twilit! hi! i see you! how are u? hi!' he frentically scribble scribbles in a rather blatant grab at attention. It might help if his message was actually legible. The floating rose manages to grab his attention, and he regards it with as much wary caution as he does the *other* severed sex organs /right next to his head./ "... Are you talking to me?" he tries to mumble through his bandages, so it comes out as 'fffmmmf'.
( The rose, on the other hand, goes "...Are you talking to me?" Apparently Bardigan has a very decorative substitute mouth now. )
EconomistBrony stammers slightly. "P-Princesses!" he says, finally regaining his senses. He'd move to bow, but he's still rather out-of-commission at the moment. So instead he just sort of frantically tilts his head about 1/18 of a degree out of reverence. It hurts so bad, but it's probably worth it.
Marble sees the stapler and sighs, thinking of bygone days when all the cares int eh world he had were-- DID THAT STAPLER MOVE? The stapler, seeming to freak out on its out, spouts out, amidst emitting staples, "HOLY MOTHER OF HONEY MUSTARD SAUCE DRIPPINGS IN JULY!"
Twilight_Sparkle grins at Bardigan, walking over to his bed. "I'm fine! Seems like I'm doing better than *you* are. If we went flying together right now, I could probably even almost keep up with you."
"/I'm/ talking to me!" Bardigan says, managing to sound triumphant with a babbling rose next to his head. "I mean hello! Twilight. Goodness, it's been a while, hasn't it? Months, at least... terribly sorry /this/ is how we catch up. At least I have a captive audience to bounce my new ideas off of, hmm?" His eyes twitch back and forth, drawing lines over the contours of her face. "You look very... regal. It suits you."
Celestia is off somewhere in the back giving tender words of love, caring and affection to a smiling pony when she hears Luna's question. "... I think that was Starswirl the Bearded's doing. One night he showed up for a date with you when he realized he forgot a gift, so he ran outside, cut some flowers, and said it was 'romantic'." She resumes speaking tender loving words to sick ponies off in the back, going one bed at a time in a clockwise pattern. Her horn glows each time, golden magic covering the pony in question to give them a warm, anesthetic-sort of feeling.
Luna's face twists up in disbelief. "Starswirl? Romantic? STARSWIRL? Well, perhaps." Clearing her throat loudly, but not actually blasting the room with the Royal Canterlot Voice, she orates, "We have come to dispense such mercy as we can to the fallen, to tell those in our service that they may never be injured without their princesses caring, and to follow up on these." A pair of scrolls float out from under her wing. One of them is a tax form with 'IT'S HIS FAULT' scribbled on it. The other is a piece of elegant stationary 'From The Office Of The Chancellor'. It ALSO has 'IT'S HIS FAULT' scribbled on it.
Twilight_Sparkle blushes a little, scuffling a front hoof against the floor. She smiles. "Aw, thank you. I'm still adjusting to it!" She glances over at the two elder princesses. "I've got some good teachers." Turning back to Bardigan, she continues, "You look pretty good too for having been blown up. I've been there myself. I actually know just the soup for it. I'll pick some up on my way over on my next visit. That'll mean coming here from the market instead of a wall."
Memmy looks over at twilight and yawns a bit. "Pwetty..." she mumbles, blinking sleepily as she hides her face against daddy's chest.
EconomistBrony tilts his head down slightly at Bardigan as he begins doing his flirty thing with Princess Luna. Ohhhh, great. He rolls his eyes once before looking over to the tax form and stationary. Well, that's one way for paperwork to truly talk. He simply waits for the moment. He's sure Celestia will help.
Marble's stapler continues to speak for him. "Well, this is better, I guess. Your highnesses! I respectfully request a requisition for rebuke of royal rites." MArble is of course talking about the economist. "The economist went into my town and started a bar-room brawl!"
"Yes, Starswirl. 'ROMANTIC'," the Great White Princess muses back as she sedates one pony in the back. "Don't you remember that time he crawled up to your tower and began singing from the balcony, only to realize that that was the night the Saddle Arabian ambassadors were here on a diplomatic mission and that he was actually crooning to an entire diplomatic delegation?" Celestia giggles lightly. "Well, he always had a very specific ideal of 'romantic'."
Luna mutters under her breath, "Ah, yes. His famous song, 'Why Don't We Do It In The Road'. Romantic, indeed." Clearing her scowl again, she reaches over to pat Marble with one wing affectionately. "We take thy request seriously. Such a grave issue demands judgment, and we refer it to the princess with the most direct jurisdsiction." Raising one eyebrow, she grins widely and calls out, "Princess Twilight Sparkle? These ponies wish thee to hold court and settle their dispute."
Bardigan manages a smile, whether the rose shows it or not. "I look good in /bandages./ I shudder to think what I look like underneath. I've been told I was found bald at the site..." His eyes cross and go up to his forehead. "Whether I lost anything that won't grow back is... uncertain." His eyes dart Luna's way, subordinate, wistful, before snapping back to Twilight. "Will you /really/ not repeat the wall trick? It would make soup deliveries so much more... mythic."
Bardigan clears his throat. "Also, for the royal record, /none/ of this was my fault."
Twilight_Sparkle hesitates a moment, then summons a photograph from somewhere. It pops into the air above Bardigan's bed, then floats down to land on his chest. It depicts a strange pink hairless alicorn with plucked chicken-wings. "I know what that's like! Recently I tried out a spell that promised it would cool me off on a hot day. I really should've demanded more specificity." She shakes her apparently regrown mane, triumphantly. "I suppose I could come through the wall by way of the market! But the wall really was Luna's idea. I'm a lot more used to just coming through the door."
EconomistBrony looks over at Marble. He's about to begin to say something before simply closing his mouth and looking at Luna, then at Bardigan. "Bardigan, you were present and are quite a bit more impartial than either Marble or I. How about you tell the room what happened?" Besides, he's a bard. Surely he can spin a spoony tale.
( Oh yeah, let someone like Bardigan tell the tale! They'll be here a while anyway. "Still your fault, economist." Marble mutters through his stapler. )
Celestia glances back to see that little scowl on her sister's face and giggles once again. "Oh, but that song was played /everywhere/ that summer. Bards were singing it in the road... which is ironic when you think about it... mares were swooning, Giuseppi Maredi made that dreadful opera using it as inspiration for his libretto..." she finishes healing the burns of a a unicorn and moves on to the next. You know, only Princess who's actually -doing- something. At the request for Bardigan to regale the tale, however, the Princess of Sunburn perks up and turns around, summoning over a pillow to sit on. "Oh! Please, do!"
Eeeee-PAMF. With a golden flash and small clap of thunder, Celestia finds herself joined by a new arrival donned in custom armor indicative of her personal, private guard. It's Scope the unicorn!
And rather non-chalantly he flops onto his rump, holding up a box of popcorn with his magic and floating a few kernels up to his mouth and munching.
A nurse quietly rolls a large cartful of bandages into the ward. "It's time for a cleaning and bandage change." she says, the slightly heavier than average earth mare says. It's Nurse Redheart, and she gives the visiting royalty a 'look'. "I'm sorry, but could I get a little space?" she asks.
Bardigan's eyes widen. Him, telling a /story/ after so long /not/ talking? How could he resist? Hold on... no, no, he can't resist at all. The rose does a little hop of excitement at the amount of /pep/ Bardigan is suddenly putting into his voice. "Well, if you insist. It was a humdinger of a night, your majesties, and it all started when yours truly went for what should have been a typical cider run... little did I know I was about to be caught in a three way war between the interests of taxes, cider, and /revenge./" He's pretty sure revenge was involved in there, somewhere. He pauses, dramatically, imagining the wavy flowy bits of a flashback taking them back to, in his mind, a grainy, black-and-white version of Ponyville with a /lot/ more gaslamps and steamy sewer covers. "I put on my usual get-up for a Friday night and stepped into the cold chill of a spring evening. The air was nippy, but I wanted something with /bite./ The local meadery, run by a mare crazier than a jackalope under a full moon and just as quick with her comebacks, had just got a new shipment of hard cider..."
Luna bounces up and down gleefully! "We LOVE revenge!" she squeals! Trotting over to Twilight, she uses her considerable princess bulk to push the smaller purple princess into the center of the ward. "THOU must pay close attention and determine right and wrong and declare judgment with absolute authority, even unto execution. WE get to listen to a story!"
Twilight_Sparkle settles onto Bardigan's mental wavelength, or some sort of magic/pseudosciency thing like that. In any case, she closes her eyes. The lights in the room dim. And she projects images, in grainy, Noir-y monochrome, onto the opposite wall, as Bardigan describes them.
EconomistBrony simply watches, for the time being. He doesn't remember that much revenge... but maybe that was Nimbus's part to play. He smells popcorn and his mouth waters. Oh, such torture! He weeps internally.
Celestia perks and glances to the side as she finds herself joined by her private guard. She leans over to give a little kiss to his cheek, tossing a pillow beneath his rump just before he flops down atop it. "You read my mind," she whispers before finding a bowl from somewhere in the hospital and pouring him a small mound of popcorn. She then takes the box and what popcorn remains within it and begins munching. Now, if only she had some cake... at seeing Twilight's projection, however, the Princess of the Sun looks proud. But she does lean over to Luna and ask, 'has she not learned how to do that in Technicolor yet'?
Well, this is nice. He not only gets a pillow to sit on but also a smooch to the cheek from the Sun Princess. Life is good. Horn still aglow with the same aura as the Princess beside him, he keeps the bowl of popcorn floating before him and continuing to munch on the portion of the snack that he was left with.
Bardigan wanders down a thin street choked with steam from the nearby manhole covers, shrouded by a fedora and a heavy trenchcoat. 'I knew it was gonna be a crazy night by the way my tail itched, but you never get a good story just watching from the rear window. I headed north by northwest down spellbound street. Almost made it to my besotted happy place when I was accosted by a shady looking unicorn with a glare that could put Discord in order.' EB steps out of the shadows, his face partially illuminated by slanted light coming from a nearby street lamp. "Fine night, huh?" EB whispers in a gravelly growl. Bardigan looks concerned, but stops. "Well, it ain't exactly Fifth Avenue." EB chuckles, stamping his cigarette. "I was just headin' down to the speakeasy. Heard it's a real gas there. Wanna join me?" Bardigan glances over his shoulder. Wide shot from far down the street. "Sure. Let's."
A shaft of light cuts through the room, briefly obscuring Twilight's projections as the ward door presses open for a moment. A tiny figure, almost doubled in size by the buckled packs she's carrying on her back and sides, squirms awkwardly through the gap backwards. "H... hello, everypony? Mama's real busy, so she sent me to bring over some more bandages and salf... sal... gooey stuff for all the hurt ponies. Where can I put- WHOA." Starlight stops dead, mouth hanging open, staring at the 'movie' on the wall. She trots over there unthinkingly. "That is SO COOL..." and just stands there staring at it. She is without realizing it only inches from the very Library Princess that was terrorizing her dreams.
Luna yells, "HUZZAH, SALVE!" before catching herself. "Huzzah, salve!" she whispers, trotting over to the intruder. The pack is flicked open with Luna's horn, and she pulls out a jar in her teeth. Blue light surrounds nurse Redheart's hat, floating it over and placing it upside down on the floor next to Twilight, and the very tip of Luna's horn flashes. Space itself is pierced, and fluffy popcorn kernels start to drop out of the bottom of Celestia's bowl and into the hat across the room. Story preparations made, Luna sucks the lid off the jar and starts guzzling down the burn salve.
'Little did I know another old acquaintance of mine was going my way. Cute little number who'd bust your chops soon as look at ya.' Nimbus Dawning, dressed in what appears to be a newsboy cap, pokes her head out and hurries after the others, ducking inside. "'Ey, fathead! Try to give me da slip, will ya?" she says, bumping up against Bardigan, who grumbles. "Knock it off, I'm trying to drown in the drink, Nimbus." "Yeeeeah, not widdout me!" EB gives her a little nod and heads inside, exposing them to a roiling, smoke-filled place full of sultry mares dressed in slinky dresses and brawny stallions huddled over cards and shot glasses. "Bard," EB says, leading them to the bar, "you're a pony of stories, right?" "Give me a typewriter and I'll make it sing, Eco, what about it?" "Boy, I've got a story for you... see, there's this pony here. What's he's saying doesn't jive with what I'm hearing. I think you'd like to get first shot at the headlines, know what I'm saying?"
Celestia's eyes slowly pivot towards Luna as she notices it empty somewhat. "... You know, you /could/ have just asked, sister. You never know what moving things through the nigh-endless dimensions of space and time will do to something like popcorn."
Bardigan hops up to the bar and gives EB a terse look. "Now look here, Eco, I know you're involved in all that spook stuff. I don't want any part of that! I'm an observer, not a fighter." Nimbus leans forward. "Spook? You a spook, four-eyes?" EB shakes his head. "I don't got time to give the whole megillah, you two, just stick around and give it a chance, will ya? The guy I'm after is on edge as is. Take a look back there - no, don't /gander/ like there's no tomorrow, just /peek./ - that guy." A stallion is in the corner with a bunch of louts and thuggish types, with a ridiculously undersized red vest on his freakishly bulging muscles. Nimbus sniffs. "He don't look so tough. Let me have a bash at him!" "All in good time. So here's your story, Bard: a guy settles into a nice country like Equestria. He's got it all figured out. Nine to five, steady earning, thinks he's on top of the world. But then this pony, this nogoodnink, he starts lookin' around at all the glitz and glamour and thinks hey: this place has deep pockets, a few misplaced bits won't be missed, right? Wrong. I know where all the bits go. Guy thinks he's a spiv, but he's heading straight for the rivet when I'm through with him. Now you're a real pal, Bardi, and Nimbus here knows how to feed a shmuck a knuckle sandwich. If... big if... things go south, I wanna know you got my back."
Luna swivels a bluegreen eye at Celestia as she makes her hushed accusations. A pearly white tongue darts out, rolling around the inner surface of the jar at high speed, licking up the last drops of burn salve. Sucking the jar itself down and swallowing it whole, Luna scolds Celestia, "*WE* know exactly what it will do. It will pass through the Dimension of Duplicate Popcorn." Her wing sneaks down and scoops up the nurse's hat, now filling up with popcorn. Luna holds it up and gives Twilight a nudge with her shoulder. "Have a bit, Twilight Sparkle. Thou are on duty, it is true, but it is best to take pleasure in this duty where thou may. Thou shall be a princess too long to let it become a burden."
Scope just.. munches, looking across to Luna as she sucks down containers of salve with a lifted brow and a look of amusement and disgust and looking upward to the tall alicorn beside him with a slow shake of his head. "I think she'd enjoy antibiotic cream moreso than that stuff. Stir fry it up with some Lo-mein and some soy sauce and you have a healthy meal fit for a princess.
'Now Sky Blue's crazy, but she ain't chintzy. They don't cut the whiskey at her place and they always have the best entertainment. So I settle in while EB goes to have his talk and get back the gravy for the Big Ladies up in Canterlot, and listen in on the, ah, entertainment. What do they say about those kinds of mares with curves to kill? On fire? Well this girl, she was /red hot./ That was the third sign things would turn sour that night.' And Nitro Nine trots out on a nearby stage, dressed in a slinky, glamorous number, to the catcalls from the crowd and a quiet piano. Bardigan takes a large shot of whiskey as Nitro strides up to a microphone, and begins to croon a slow, melancholy song. "~We stood under the moon, we had to part too soon...~" Meanwhile, EB grabs the red-vested stallion with his magic and gives him a rude yank.
Twilight_Sparkle keeps projecting, but when Luna nudges her and speaks to her, she turns her head a bit, resulting in the movie being projected a bit further, and a bit more elongated, down the wall. "Huh? Oh, thanks, don't mind if I do!" She munches on the offered popcorn apprreciatively, and turns her head back in the optimal direction for projection. "Mm. Bardigan, I can tell you, whiskey isn't gonna solve your problems. For a list of some really excellent herbs that WILL, stop by the library some time."
EconomistBrony guffaws gently from his bed. "I did /not/ yank anyone rudely! I introduced myself politely."
Derpy sees Nitro Nine come on 'stage' and start singing. "BoOOO!" she shouts, leaning forward and scowling. "Booo! No fiiires!"
Nitro Nine narrows her eyes as she reaches over to grab some popcorn from Twilight. "Hey. I didn't do it on purpose!" she protests loudly.
'So there we are, having a gas, trying to fortify ourselves with the hardest cider this side of Appleloosa. I got fire in my belly, good music in my ears... and then, whaddaya know. It hits the fan.' Right in the middle of the song, there's a tremendous crash. EB has flipped the freakishly muscled stallion over onto a table, cracking it in half. Nitro watches on with feigned disinterest, and her horn starts to glow as she saunters from side to side on stage, and little tongues of fire follow her hoofsteps. "~What I'd give for you to say, you'll stay just one more day...~" The red-vested stallion gets up and snarls, "Hey flathoof! What's the big idea?" while the music /keeps playing./ EB scoffs, tilting back his fedora. "You got a lotta nerve, buddy. And you're /late./" "What a pistol!" Nimbus whistles appreciatively at the cut of EB's jib.
Starlight maintains the expression,
... with her mouth hanging open, with the attitude usually preceded by the phrase 'He's right behind me, isn't he?', in fits and starts she turns her head and stares over at Twilight's wings, then up at Twilight's horn. "... did... she just say... library?" Suddenly Starlight bursts into a FLAT PANIC! She screams, "OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHIT'STHELIBRARYPRINCESSANDI'MSITTINGRIGHTNEXTTOHERAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH" - and runs right out of her pack straps, hiding herself in the shadows under Skyheart's bed before her cargo even hits the floor! Huge shiny terrified eyes peer out at Twilight, shimmering in the moving light.
Luna blinks at Starlight's outburst, giving the terrified filly a curious look. She puts a hoof on Twilight's shoulder, and murmers, "Thou have a task already." Then in a louder voice, still trying to not be quite loud enough to obscure Bardigan, she calls out, "Cellyyyy! One for thee!"
Celestia continues munching on popcorn. Now this is getting good. She does stare blankly at Luna at her call, however. "Yeees, beloved sister?" she asks
Luna jerks her head past Twilight at Starlight, cowering under Skyheart's bed. "Thine is the heart of comfort and gentleness, beloved sister. One here is in need of thy kindness."
Celestia's eyes turn towards the filly under the bed. "Oh, yes!" the Princess sets her popcorn down in front of Scope and makes her way over to Starlight. She gets down onto her knees and leans down to poke her head under the bed. "Now, now, there's no need to be scared, little one," the Princess's sings sweetly into the air like a lullabye.
Derpy goes over to Skyheart's bed and peeks under curiously as well, her gray face and maligned eyes blinking next to Celestia's.
Starlight cowers further into the darkness. Celestia can barely make out her tiny voice: "you're... an.... even... bigger... princess..."
Twilight_Sparkle is determined not to move her head this time! It is a supreme act of will, but she's projecting this story with her horn, and he's going to point her horn in one direction to the greatest extent possible. She turns her eyes toward Starlight, and smiles the warmest smile she can manage at that angle.
Starlight sees the ghastly sidewise grimace!
Story-Bardigan's jaw drops, along with his cider glass, as most of the meadery goes quiet. Derpy Hooves pops up from behind the bar, pointing her hoof at the two fighters. "Hey, G-Colt! You get all decked up just to come smash up my bar?!" "I'll just be a minute, baby, ease up," EB says, adjusting his tie as he leans towards the red-vested stallion while two goons stand, reaching into their trenchoats. "Now, /Mack,/ lemme ask you a question... what two things are certain in this world? Here's a hint: pick taxes." "Reach for the sky, coppah!" a gruff stallion shouts from behind, a drum-fed candy-cane machine gun in his hooves. If Starlight was nervous before, the sound of fairy-powder popping and candy canes ricocheting is probably enough to cause a heart attack.
Celestia ponders for a moment. Well, she knows one way to fix that! Her horn gains a great, golden glow... then in an instant, there's a chubby little (almost chibi-like) foal standing in front of Starlight. "Sooh-kay! She gud pon-ie," the alicorn baby gets on her side and rolls under the bed to be with Starlight. She reaches out and BOOPS! Starlight's nose before giggling cutely. She even has a tiny little tiara miraculously still on her head!
<OOC> Skyheart says, "Might just be me, but I /think/ Bardi's embellishing the story a bit. XD"
<OOC> EconomistBrony says, "I /did/ say the 'two things are certain...' line."
<OOC> Luna was there. This is ONE HUNDRED FIFTEEN PERCENT factual!
<OOC> Skyheart says, "There's so much fact we had to add some?"
<OOC> Othershy says, "It's canon now."
<OOC> You say, "Candy cane machine guns are a well known icon of Equestria's criminal underground."
<OOC> Othershy drinks the CANDY CORN LIQEUR.
<OOC> Luna 's alt sells them!
<OOC> Twilight_Sparkle is just the projector! Although she does appear to project a rather dashing, DiCaprio-esque Bardigan.
<OOC> EconomistBrony desperately hopes he's being played by a dashing actor.
<OOC> Luna says, "You're Morgan Freeman. Nopony knows why."
<OOC> EconomistBrony says, "Huzzah."
Derpy watches herself confront the brawlers in a swaggering noir voice and freezes half-turned, eyes whirling and Starlight forgotten.
'Now,' Bardigan says, as the story-version of him gasps and throws himself Nimbus behind the bar just as candy canes shatter and ricochet over the bartop, 'you might be thinking, Bardigan, how could a night like this get any worse? Well, remember when I said Sky Blue wasn't chintzy? Yeah, she ain't really on the level either... she'd drawn the ire of the worst possible vigilante a hard-boiled city like Ponyville could dredge up: Sweet-Tooth Tina.' And through the door rolls a foal-sized... ninja pony. Armed to the teeth (literally) with candy corn caltrops, pop rock grenades, and a katana of licorice, she hops and flips her through the cane storm and heads for the bar. "Trained by the Far East Sugar Syndicates, this pint-sized terror was here to clean up the speakeasy... whether it was a good time for the rest of us or not." EB flips a table and draws an oversized pistol, firing hard candy bullets over the top. Nitro is still singing... but she has a rather vicious grin on her face as the meadery erupts into PG-rated violence.
Starlight staaares at... at... Foalestia? "She's a... who're you..." she sticks her head out and looks around desperately. "Where did the really BIG princess go!?" she hisses. Then the battle breaks out in the movie! "AAHHH! BIG BADA B-" and in panic, leaps up... and WHANGS her head on the heavy bedframe. Slowly, almost gracefully, Starlight keels over. @.@
<OOC> Luna says, "This is all exactly as it happened."
<OOC> Celestia says, "Twist is Candy Batman."
<OOC> Twilight_Sparkle says, "Candy Baman."
<OOC> Luna says, "Either way, she can't pronounce it."
<OOC> Scope says, "Baman.. .. Baman...."
<OOC> Derpy exclaims, "Piderman!"
<OOC> Starlight says, "'This is my license number. If you can read it, you're smart. If you can pronounce it, you're Polish!'"
<OOC> Twilight_Sparkle says, "PIDERMAN I DON'T UNDERTAND WHAT YOU WANT"
Scope peers downward as now there's more popcorn infront of him, and no Celestia to be found.. Hmm. Just as the action's getting good, Scope snags said bowl in his magic and starts to munch once again.
Luna claps her hooves excitedly, bouncing up and down on her haunches next to Twilight! "This must be the part with the revenge! Revenge is our favorite part! So far, we are not quite certain what it is thou must judge, but no doubt that will be the plot twist. Every master bard includes one."
EconomistBrony is impressed. Though he really prefers more elegant weapons, from a more civilized age.
<OOC> Luna says, "You're saying you want a lightsaber."
<OOC> EconomistBrony says, "A candy lightsaber."
Twilight_Sparkle frowns a little bit, at that. "The problem is, if every master bard includes one, maybe that means a master bard can't tell certain kinds of stories." She continues projecting, nonetheless.
<OOC> Luna says, "Although this IS pretty much how the scene happened. He's just giving it a nice noir flavor. The original scene was more cyberpunk."
<OOC> Bardigan couldn't believe it when we all found out EB was a cyborg.
<OOC> EconomistBrony says, "Inorite? And that the engine was in my top hat /all along/."
<OOC> Luna says, "Still wasn't enough to stop CANDY BAMAN."
( TOO LATE. Foalestia has already rolled under the bed and is looking at Starlight with those massive adorable foal eyes. "I'm her! S-okay, we're gud poni-eees." She grabs the corner of a giant blanket in her widdle mouth and tugs it over Starlight before beginning to roll her up in it, like a burrito. )
Derpy slips back under Skyheart's bed and attempts to snuggle down next to poor Starlight on the other side from Foalestia. She'll lick her too, if permitted.
Celestia continues rolling up Starlight untill she's quite well trapped inside blanketburrito. She plants a kiss on Starlight's forehead, because she can and Princesskisses make everything better.
"No guns! No guns!" Derpy cries ineffectually as Bardigan swiftly pulls out his own pocket pistol. Never mind how he's able to hold it. Or fire it. "Sky Blue! Your dishonor has brought the wrath of all honey-loving children! I am here to confiscate your ill-begotten gains!" Sweet Tooth Tina shouts, braving the bullets flying everywhere. "Who in the heck is /that?/" Bardigan sputters as he leaps over the bar top and fires at the red-vested stallion and his goons. He nails one, then another, before ducking back down. "Nice iron sights, fathead," Nimbus grins, "but I like a more direct approach!" and with that, she leaps into the air and dive-bombs a random group of ponies who may or may not have actually been shooting at EB. Oh, well, according to the film they're clearly shooting at /somepony./ "UNENDING SUGAR HIGH!" 'Tina' shouts as she hurtles down the bar, actually /jumping on the candy canes/ as they whiz by to propel her towards the back room. "LOLLIPOP LOOP!" she shouts, making a very impressive backflip through a hail of bullets, simultaneously beaning three stallions in the head with graham cracker shurikens.
<OOC> Luna says, "EXACTLY how the scene happened. I remember every word."
<OOC> EconomistBrony remembers it like it was yesterday.
Starlight's second eye gets itself together and swivels to focus on Foalestia as she gets kissed. In a very small voice, she says, "please don't burn me"
Bardigan hops over the bar and rolls towards EB, taking cover as candy canes skip and burst on the ground by him, plugging holes in his trenchcoat. "'Lemme tell ya' a story, you said!'" Bardigan chides the economist. "It'll be a gas, you said!" "Don't flip your wig, hotshot," EB shoots back, "just cover me while I collect the greenbacks!" Bardigan pops out of cover, sending hard candy downrange as EB hurries to close the distance. Meanwhile, Nitro, /still singing on stage,/ gasps as her fabulous dress is torn by a stray shot. "You interrupted /my solo!/" she shrieks, and now flames begin to erupt in random spots all over the ground. Tina lassoes a rafter and swings into the door to the back room, obviously heading for Sky Blue's honey stores. "JUSTICE TASTES LIKE CARAMEL!" And the door explodes inwards. Sirens are heard outside the door.
( Foalestia gasps. "I'd never burn yoo!" She proceeds to squeeze on into the burrito with Starlight so she's got a twin. "I'm here ta help!" )
"It's the fuzz! The jig is up!" a random stallion wails just before EB karate chops his neck and sends him to the floor, bringing him face to face with the red-vested pony. EB brings up his gun, and it clicks. Drat! Dramatically out of ammo! "Youse must be the honcho G-Colt, huh?" he growls, charging EB and tackling him to the ground just as the front door bursts open. "AYE THA' BE ABOUT ENOUGH, YE POTATO-SHAPED BO'OM DWELLERS!" a police pony with a frankly too-large-for-his-head moustache shouts. Candy canes whiz by his head, prompting him to take out his own gun and begin firing back with expert precision. Ponies begin to dive out the windows or give up... and as ammo runs out, resort to their hooves. "STAY YOUR HOOVES, LAW-KEEPERS!" Tina shouts as she flips back into view, three jars of honey held under her arm. "I ONLY CHEW THE CANDY THAT CANNOT CHEW ITSELF!" "Wellll, Sweet Tooth Tina! We've been lookin' for ye!" the police sergeant says over the din. "But the law says I gotta bring ya in! Git 'er, boyos!"
Twilight_Sparkle peers at her own horn projection. Her eyes angle toward Bardigan's. "...really? You're SURE this is accurate."
"Oh, completely! I remember it like it was yesterday," Bardigan says with a smile. "... Give or take a couple weeks." He shifts uncomfortably. "There was a lot going on. Gotta fill in the gaps, you know?"
Luna tilts her own head a little to the side, right next to Twilight, and points out, "He IS known first and foremost for telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We had no idea he was so stallionly, however. Perhaps this is not a matter for punishment, and instead thou ought to award him a barony?"
Starlight squeezes her eyes shut and stiffens up. She has no idea how to deal with this. She sat next to maybe a monster and hid and then a REALLY BIG princess turned into a REALLY SMALL princess and now is cuddled up to her, and... wait... Really big princess? White? Long magical mane? "oh no are you celestia? i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry your majesty please don't burn me"
"Hold on! I'm on your side! Check my papers! The pap-acck!" EB shouts at the police as he wrestles with the red-vested pony. Bardigan, seeing the economist in danger, performs a feat of daring do by leaping out from cover and dive-rolling across another table, using his momentum to perform a flying drop kick right into the muscular pony's jaw, and send him crashing to the ground. But just as they celebrate their victory, police pour into the building, pointing guns this way and that, crashing through windows and every available door. Seeing no escape, everypony, even Nimbus, puts up their hooves. "All right, see," a nasally, high pitched voice says from the door, "I dunno what kinda kicks you low-lifes were lookin' for here, but it all ends now, see? Nyeah." Marble Memory, dressed in perhaps the snazziest possible four button long jacket a pony can wear, stalks in, flanked by even more cops.
Celestia giggles and remains cuddled next to Starlight. She brings up a hoof and pushes it to Starlight's mouth. "Sssssssh. Sallgood."
Starlight is silenced and comes within a hair of [BUY SOME APPLES]ing herself out of abject terror.
Memmy sneaks over and snuggles up into Twilight's hooves, watching the show and giggling.
Twilight_Sparkle lowers her head and nuzzles Memmy, giggling softly with the little filly!
MArble Memory suddenly snaps out of his impromptu nap and casts his glances about. "Memoire? Memoire?"
Luna leans over and pokes Marble with a wing. "Thy case is being presented before the princess for judgment. Observe closely," she Royal Canterlot Whispers.
Memmy looks up as Daddy calls her! She looks at Twilight and babbles something at her. Then she buzzes her tiny wings, attempting to drag the princess over to her father.
Derpy wriggles around and sees tiny Celestia making a burrito of the delivery-filly. Her maw slowly widens. A leg rises and a hoof points at the miniature princess. "...Is YOU!! Featherpink filly! From ~parade!!~" Derpy may not be making sense, but she obviously has an accusation on her mind.
"Marble! Tell these guys to lay down their irons! We're innocent I tells ya!" Marble waves a hoof. "Cut the gas, EB, I know you like to throw a bash, but you went too far this time, see? Nyeah." "You got no jurisdiction here, Chancellor! This was /my/ gig and you're cutting in like a two-bit broad at a high school dance! I'm workin' to improve the lot of the common pony, you know that!" "You're a rogue element EB, and my town's havin' none of it, see? All I see is a meadery goin' up in smoke an' vigilantes shootin' up my nice orderly town, nyeah! Somepony wanna give me the proper skinny before I throw you knuckleheads up the river?" Tina looks back and forth at the police ponies advancing on her, her hoof sneaking towards a small pouch at her side...
<OOC> Marble_Memory loves what a gangster he is. xD
<OOC> Skyheart says, "Should I be glad I wasn't mentioned yet? XD"
( Joining us is Skyheart playing the part of The Mastermind Behind It All In The Back Corner. )
<OOC> EconomistBrony says, "It was the POET the whole time!"
<OOC> Othershy says, "Which one?"
"I'm a pony of the law, Marble! You let these guys go and I swear I'll sort the hooligans from the hipsters for you with my own two hooves! I got papers to prove I'm legit!" "We'll sort all that out at the joint, see? Nyeah. You're all comin' with me, see? I'm the law in this town and I'm gonna see what's what for /myself,/ see? Nyeah." But before any of them can get any further, Tina makes a break for it as Marble goes over to give EB a flippant smack with his hoof glove. Nitro Nine, in the background, argues loudly with the cops as they move in to arrest everypony, indiscriminately. Marble sniffs. "Now if you say these 'papers' are in your bags, let's just see 'em, see-" "MYSTIC CONFECTION CLOUD!" Tina shouts, cracking open a pixie stick and blowing the tip. The entire meadery is suddenly flooded by a thick, cloying, sugary fog. As everypony coughs and sputters, Tina is seen as a shadowy figure heading for the door. It's at this point Nitro's patience seems to break. "I... have had enough... of your filthy paws ruining my dress!" she shrieks, and bursts into magical flame.
Starlight keeps her eyes squeezed shut and whispers, "help.... please..."
Bardigan sighs as the tale reaches its climax. Over slow motion shots of the sugary mist catching aflame, Tina (it's actually Twist) leaping into a go-kart made of candy to make her epic getaway, and movie-Bardigan solemnly watching the sparks spread into a blossoming explosion, the bard narrates. 'So, what more can I say? One bard goes out looking for a story and it all blows up in his face. Heh, you ever wonder where that saying came from? I learned it that night, the hard way. I dunno what Sweet-Tooth Tina was really there for, why Nitro was in such a tizzy, or even what beef Marble's got with EB... this story wasn't wrapped up nice and neat by any means. The one thing I can take away from that night for certain? Never light a match in a room full of pixie dust.'
KA-BOOM.
Freeze frame of Sweet Tooth Tina driving at the screen, with the meadery exploding behind her as the credits roll to the sounds of sweet jazz.
Bardigan nods firmly. "And that's pretty much exactly how it happened."
EconomistBrony would applaud, but he's in traction.
Celestia does peep out from 'neath the bed to applaud, quickly reforming in a blaze of golden glory.
Derpy stands just outside Skyheart's bed, looking back at the screen with her jaw way down and her tail twisted.
Starlight notices that the blanket has loosened, btu just bivvers. She is hoping she's just having that nightmare again.
( Memmy wanders around, finally finding a good place to snuggle with Starlight! She curls up against the larger filly and babbles something adorable, before pointing to herself. "Memmy!" )
Starlight cracks an eye and looks around desperately before catching sight of Memoire. She opens her other eye and slowly sits up, watching the foal instead of remembering she's in a room full of monst- I mean, princesses.
Luna rears up on her hind legs, clapping her front hooves thunderously! "HUZZAH! MOST ENTERTAINING!" Sitting back down, she whispers to Twilight (still rather loudly), "Methinks it was not *I* the playwright made himself look more stallionly to impress." Giving Twilight a nudge with her wing, Luna stands up properly, and puts the Royal Canterlot Voice to work, blasting the room with wind and noise. "HEAR YE, HEAR YE, PONIES OF EQUESTRIA! THE CHANCELLOR OF PONYVILLE AND THE ROYAL EXCHEQUER HAVE ACCUSED EACH OTHER OF MISCONDUCT IN THIS INCIDENT, CREATING DISASTER OUT OF A MERELY DIFFICULT JOB. THEIR FATES REST NOW IN THE WISDOM OF PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE. HER WORD IS LAW."
( Memmy pokes a hoof at Starlight. Then she points at herself again. "MEMMY." the little foal says, a bit louder this time. )
Oh great, Marble just knows this won't end well. Librarians *always* run things so effectively. Marble is beginning to feel a little resentment at being the Chancellor. His constituency doesn't appreciate him and every time he tries to do his job it seems to make his life worse.
Starlight SCREECHES - "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH" - when Luna pronounces, and RUNS for the door! She trips on her own discarded backpack and goes down hard, all four hooves spread out, and spins to a stop somewhere a little past Twilight. That's the third knock to the skull in 24 hours. The poor thing is going to wind up with a busted skull cutie mark at this rate. Starlight is a dazed cushion.
EconomistBrony waits silently on his bed, still in traction. "... Princesses. While I continue to profess my innocence in the matter, I would like to drop my claim against the Chancellor. While I disagree with his course of action, I do not think it was malicious - in fact, I believe he did what he thought was best."
Twilight_Sparkle perks her ears, and looks at EB, tilting her head with a slight nod. She clears her throat. She's not good at this Royal Canterlot voice thing. she is at heart a librarian, and has spent a lot of time shushing people.
Luna wanders over and prods Starlight with a hoof as Twilight dispenses justice with an iron hoof. "We shall be spending all night removing nightmares from this poor filly's dreams. We will bring the Royal Stuffed Animal Collection."
Twilight_Sparkle says "Um...is this thing on? I, PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE...UM, BEING OF SOUND MIND, AND SOUND BODY, TOO, although I don't see how my physical health relates to this decision, but in case it does, I'm doing just fine, thanks...*deep breath*"
Marble thinks a moment. While he still believes EB made the wrong choice... "The explosion was not the economist's fault. While I maintain he should have approached me earlier..."
Twilight_Sparkle pauses, and tilts her head toward Marble, just as she did toward EB a minute before. She smiles again.
EconomistBrony turns his eyes towards Marble. "Regardless, Chancellor Memory here is my friend. And I would not want to lose that friendship for even my own life."
Twilight_Sparkle says "I DECLARE THAT YOU BOTH ARE REALLY PERFECTLY NICE PONIES, AND GOOD AT YOUR JOBS, AND YOU SEEM TO HAVE FORGIVEN EACH OTHER, SO LET'S ALL JUST CARRY ON WITH THINGS."
Starlight is slid a few inches backwards along the ground by the force of Twilights ROYAL CANTERLOT PRONOUNCEMENT.
Twilight_Sparkle coughs.
Derpy gasps, beaming smiles on both officials and Bardigan and everyone present. But then another thought burbles up and she turns to face Twilight. "But Twist-Tie! And Fiery!!" she implores.
Luna dusts off her hooves. "Well, then that is taken care of. Welcome to being a princess, Twilight Sparkle." She leans over, pressing her shoulder to Twilight affectionately, then trots over to Tiny Celestia. "Our work here is done. I must be off to dreamland. I am badly needed." Luna gives her head a jerk, indicating the concussed Starlight.
<OOC> Celestia is no longer tiny!
<OOC> Celestia is big again.
Luna trots over to Big Fat Butt Celestia, then.
<OOC> Celestia nods. Precisely.
Skyheart is finally awoken by too much Royal Canterlot Voice in the middle of the hospital. He groans and moves around a bit. Opening his eyes, he's not entirely sure what he's seeing. His head is still pounding.
Twilight_Sparkle nods at Luna. Turning back to Derpy, she inquires, "Do we know where they are? They ought to feel safe coming and telling their stories too."
( "Yes. Excellent work, Princess Twilight Sparkle," the Princess of the Sun says to her most faithful student, walking ver to Twilight to wrap a wing around her. "I am quite proud of you. You shall make a fine Princess." She wingsnugs her once before removing her wing and returning to Luna. "And I ought to be returning to Canterlot as well. Shall we use the Night Sky again?" )
Derpy shrugs. Then she nods. "Yes!" She shakes her hindquarters where her mail panniers would be if she were on duty. "Have ad-dresses! Will find!"
Bardigan smiles under his bandages, pretty confident that he was the reason everything turned out fine with his amazing eloquence. His favorite Princesses got to see another story of his and even enjoyed it. EB and Marble won't have to behead each other. Tonight could not get much better.
Bardigan then thinks he could be /not/ be wracked with pain from seventy-three broken bones, but he'll take what he can get.
Luna gives Twilight a bright, maybe slightly evil smile over her shoulder. "If thou feel this case should be pursued further, find them and judge them. As we said, welcome to being a princess." She walks over to the door of the hospital ward, pushing it open with her horn. Instead of a hallway, it opens into the night sky, and she walks through. The moment the tip of her spectral tail passes, the rose and stapler fall onto their owners' bellies, inert.
Starlight disagrees with Bardigan. Tonight was TERRIBLE! There were princesses and they were SCARY and they HURT her and... and she was a huge klutz... right in front of them... and ran away and hurt herself more, and... Starlight staggers to her hooves (displacing Memmy) and stares at the floor. A tear falls. Then another. And in moments, weeping freely, Starlight is out the door and gone, presumably home.
Bardigan waggles a hoof at Twilight, jingling all the pulleys attached to it. "I love the way you handled that," he writes on his paper pad.
Twilight_Sparkle smiles at Bardigan, blushing a little!
Derpy goes over and gives Bardigan a kiss. "~Very~ story," she assures him.
-----
The outer wall of the ward disappears. The edges where it stood are framed by sparkling night sky, and on the other side is a corridor from the opposite side of the hospital. In this gap are framed The Powers That Be, the Ultimate Authorities, Rulers Of Land, Sky, And The Heavens Themselves, yadda yadda yadda - Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, and Princess Twilight Sparkle. Luna's eyes are doing the glowing white thing and she's sniffing at the other two, "See? I TOLD thee this was the right direction. Never trust doors." Then she jerks her attention back to the sick room, and as she crosses the threshold addresses the sufferers more formally. "GREETINGS, OUR BELOVED SUBJECTS. SO WE COME TO THEE IN THY HOUR OF NEED.""
Twilight_Sparkle keeps a bit behind the other princesses. They've had thousands of years to practice this, and she's still kind of a rookie. She's like Winston to the other Ghostbusters. Ron Wood to the other Rolling Stones.
Luna's shout finally snaps Skyheart back to his senses. He's awake, but he looks injured and sick. His eyes are pale green and he looks like he's only half conscious. His IV also has an odd blue tint to them. "Urgh....."
EconomistBrony stares. Did the nurses give him too much medicine or are the Princesses actually... coming through the wall. Actually, that sounds completely like Luna. Yep, Princesses are visiting. All three. Maybe Cadence is off in the Crystal Lake or something.
Lesser powers had less dramatic means of entry, as Nightshade demonstrates by merely shadow-shifting into the room via the long shadow a cabinet casts on one wall. Her contacts had alerted her of something important going down here, and she was loathe to be excused from it. She looks around: everything /seems/ normal, except... "What's wrong with him?" she asks, peering at Skyheart.
The Chancellor, for his part, is trying to do what he can in this emergency. Which is nothing. "MmemmmmpoipppmMmmph!" What happened to the lights, what is-- Oh. Canterlot Voice. Princesses are here. And he's not in his best attire. "Mppphphpiph."
Memoire_Musique slides quietly down the wall, then hops back up onto her daddy's bed, wobbling on three hooves as she tries to salute the royalty... but winds up smacking herself in the face. "Memmy! Waboo bran rubarb muffin!" she says, stringing together the words she knows.
Celestia rolls her eyes once. "Doors are far less likely to have portals to other dimensions, now, beloved sister." She hides a just slightly exasperated sigh before crossing the threshold to the eternal night sky and into the burn ward. "Good evening, my little ponies. I'm sorry to hear that so many of you were hurt in that tragic accident. Now, where are the flowers?" Celestia glances over to Luna and Twilight and blinks. "... Please tell me somepony remembered the flowers."
Twilight_Sparkle's eyes go wide for a moment. She knew she'd forgotten something! "Flowers! I, er...yeah, I'm right on top of that!" She closes her eyes and her horn flashes, and some flowers appear in the air, freshly clipped from somepony's garden somewhere probably. She sets about arranging them artistically and quite hurriedly. "C'mon, Twilight," she mutters to herself as she whisks the flowers about in the air. "What would rarity do? Think combinations of colors!"
Whatever force was keeping Bardigan under is not enough to stop him jolting awake when Luna's shout explodes through the confines of the room. His eyes dart back and forth with the rest of him imprisoned, and his eyes land on... all. Three. Princesses. His eyes stay riveted on the gaggle of royalty while he jingles and jangles in his harnesses, trying to find that pencil the nurses always forget to give back to him. Where is it, where is it?
Luna extends her wings, then props the tips against her hips crossly as she barks back at Celestia, "Of COURSE I brought the flowers. Twilight Sparkle, rend- oh." She blinks, finding that Twilight has already fixed the problem. When she does the light goes out of her eyes, and the wall blinks back into existence. She recovers quickly. "SEE?" she shoots at Celestia, "And now, as Twilight and I prearranged because we are RESPONSIBLE princesses, I shall render the invalid capable of speech so prosecution may proceed. Who requires assistance?"
Skyheart cannot respond properly due to his newfound condition. He seems to recognize the princesses, though. Seems he's at least partially coming to.
Nightshade doesn't seem to be flowing with the princesses' cheeriness. She's very much focused on...something. Something's wrong, but what? She glances at the IVs, trying to remember if they were usually that colour. It might be some new concoction. "Perhaps we should have the nurses move their bandages so that they can speak to us?" she suggests. Hopefully she gets noticed /this/ time.
Memoire_Musique giggles, and (her job of greeting being done), rolls onto her back and sticks a hoof in her mouth, cuddling up to her betractioned daddy.
Celestia had no idea that a trio of Princesses was referred to as a gaggle. But then again, that's why -she- isn't the playwright. The Princess of the Sun and Primary Ruler of Equestria and Secondary Organizer of Canterlot's Premier Taco Night smiles coyly upon Twilight's reappearance together with a 'delightful' little assortment of fresh flowers. "Very well, Luna, go ahead and proceed." Celestia turns and walks over to nearby patients, gently whispering reassurances of speedy recovery into their ears.
Twilight_Sparkle distributes the flowers as appropriate, to all the sick ponies. "Flowers! I've never been sure how the tradition developed of bringing flowers to sick people. What's the message? 'We, your princesses, bring you the severed sex organs of several different species of plant.' Of course, it has its origins in ancient pony times, when we really didn't know anything yet about plant reproduction." She says all of this to no one in particular, slipping into 'lecturing Spike' cadences.
Luna peers back at Twilight, her brow deeply furrowed. Well, lowered. The immortal Princess Forehead does not line. Then she looks over at Celestia. "Why DID we start that tradition?" Shrugging with her wings, she steps up to Bardigan. Her horn glows, and the nearest rose floats over to hover by his head. It smacks its lips, and mumbles in Bardigan's voice, "Pencil, pencil..." Stepping over to the next bed, she pokes Marble's IV line quizzically, then does the horn glowing thing again. A stapler floats out of a gift basket under Marble's bed up next to HIS head.
Bardigan never knew science could make flowers sound gross. After a little more hoof waggling he *finally* manages to snatch up his pencil. 'Twilit! hi! i see you! how are u? hi!' he frentically scribble scribbles in a rather blatant grab at attention. It might help if his message was actually legible. The floating rose manages to grab his attention, and he regards it with as much wary caution as he does the *other* severed sex organs /right next to his head./ "... Are you talking to me?" he tries to mumble through his bandages, so it comes out as 'fffmmmf'.
( The rose, on the other hand, goes "...Are you talking to me?" Apparently Bardigan has a very decorative substitute mouth now. )
EconomistBrony stammers slightly. "P-Princesses!" he says, finally regaining his senses. He'd move to bow, but he's still rather out-of-commission at the moment. So instead he just sort of frantically tilts his head about 1/18 of a degree out of reverence. It hurts so bad, but it's probably worth it.
Marble sees the stapler and sighs, thinking of bygone days when all the cares int eh world he had were-- DID THAT STAPLER MOVE? The stapler, seeming to freak out on its out, spouts out, amidst emitting staples, "HOLY MOTHER OF HONEY MUSTARD SAUCE DRIPPINGS IN JULY!"
Twilight_Sparkle grins at Bardigan, walking over to his bed. "I'm fine! Seems like I'm doing better than *you* are. If we went flying together right now, I could probably even almost keep up with you."
"/I'm/ talking to me!" Bardigan says, managing to sound triumphant with a babbling rose next to his head. "I mean hello! Twilight. Goodness, it's been a while, hasn't it? Months, at least... terribly sorry /this/ is how we catch up. At least I have a captive audience to bounce my new ideas off of, hmm?" His eyes twitch back and forth, drawing lines over the contours of her face. "You look very... regal. It suits you."
Celestia is off somewhere in the back giving tender words of love, caring and affection to a smiling pony when she hears Luna's question. "... I think that was Starswirl the Bearded's doing. One night he showed up for a date with you when he realized he forgot a gift, so he ran outside, cut some flowers, and said it was 'romantic'." She resumes speaking tender loving words to sick ponies off in the back, going one bed at a time in a clockwise pattern. Her horn glows each time, golden magic covering the pony in question to give them a warm, anesthetic-sort of feeling.
Luna's face twists up in disbelief. "Starswirl? Romantic? STARSWIRL? Well, perhaps." Clearing her throat loudly, but not actually blasting the room with the Royal Canterlot Voice, she orates, "We have come to dispense such mercy as we can to the fallen, to tell those in our service that they may never be injured without their princesses caring, and to follow up on these." A pair of scrolls float out from under her wing. One of them is a tax form with 'IT'S HIS FAULT' scribbled on it. The other is a piece of elegant stationary 'From The Office Of The Chancellor'. It ALSO has 'IT'S HIS FAULT' scribbled on it.
Twilight_Sparkle blushes a little, scuffling a front hoof against the floor. She smiles. "Aw, thank you. I'm still adjusting to it!" She glances over at the two elder princesses. "I've got some good teachers." Turning back to Bardigan, she continues, "You look pretty good too for having been blown up. I've been there myself. I actually know just the soup for it. I'll pick some up on my way over on my next visit. That'll mean coming here from the market instead of a wall."
Memmy looks over at twilight and yawns a bit. "Pwetty..." she mumbles, blinking sleepily as she hides her face against daddy's chest.
EconomistBrony tilts his head down slightly at Bardigan as he begins doing his flirty thing with Princess Luna. Ohhhh, great. He rolls his eyes once before looking over to the tax form and stationary. Well, that's one way for paperwork to truly talk. He simply waits for the moment. He's sure Celestia will help.
Marble's stapler continues to speak for him. "Well, this is better, I guess. Your highnesses! I respectfully request a requisition for rebuke of royal rites." MArble is of course talking about the economist. "The economist went into my town and started a bar-room brawl!"
"Yes, Starswirl. 'ROMANTIC'," the Great White Princess muses back as she sedates one pony in the back. "Don't you remember that time he crawled up to your tower and began singing from the balcony, only to realize that that was the night the Saddle Arabian ambassadors were here on a diplomatic mission and that he was actually crooning to an entire diplomatic delegation?" Celestia giggles lightly. "Well, he always had a very specific ideal of 'romantic'."
Luna mutters under her breath, "Ah, yes. His famous song, 'Why Don't We Do It In The Road'. Romantic, indeed." Clearing her scowl again, she reaches over to pat Marble with one wing affectionately. "We take thy request seriously. Such a grave issue demands judgment, and we refer it to the princess with the most direct jurisdsiction." Raising one eyebrow, she grins widely and calls out, "Princess Twilight Sparkle? These ponies wish thee to hold court and settle their dispute."
Bardigan manages a smile, whether the rose shows it or not. "I look good in /bandages./ I shudder to think what I look like underneath. I've been told I was found bald at the site..." His eyes cross and go up to his forehead. "Whether I lost anything that won't grow back is... uncertain." His eyes dart Luna's way, subordinate, wistful, before snapping back to Twilight. "Will you /really/ not repeat the wall trick? It would make soup deliveries so much more... mythic."
Bardigan clears his throat. "Also, for the royal record, /none/ of this was my fault."
Twilight_Sparkle hesitates a moment, then summons a photograph from somewhere. It pops into the air above Bardigan's bed, then floats down to land on his chest. It depicts a strange pink hairless alicorn with plucked chicken-wings. "I know what that's like! Recently I tried out a spell that promised it would cool me off on a hot day. I really should've demanded more specificity." She shakes her apparently regrown mane, triumphantly. "I suppose I could come through the wall by way of the market! But the wall really was Luna's idea. I'm a lot more used to just coming through the door."
EconomistBrony looks over at Marble. He's about to begin to say something before simply closing his mouth and looking at Luna, then at Bardigan. "Bardigan, you were present and are quite a bit more impartial than either Marble or I. How about you tell the room what happened?" Besides, he's a bard. Surely he can spin a spoony tale.
( Oh yeah, let someone like Bardigan tell the tale! They'll be here a while anyway. "Still your fault, economist." Marble mutters through his stapler. )
Celestia glances back to see that little scowl on her sister's face and giggles once again. "Oh, but that song was played /everywhere/ that summer. Bards were singing it in the road... which is ironic when you think about it... mares were swooning, Giuseppi Maredi made that dreadful opera using it as inspiration for his libretto..." she finishes healing the burns of a a unicorn and moves on to the next. You know, only Princess who's actually -doing- something. At the request for Bardigan to regale the tale, however, the Princess of Sunburn perks up and turns around, summoning over a pillow to sit on. "Oh! Please, do!"
Eeeee-PAMF. With a golden flash and small clap of thunder, Celestia finds herself joined by a new arrival donned in custom armor indicative of her personal, private guard. It's Scope the unicorn!
And rather non-chalantly he flops onto his rump, holding up a box of popcorn with his magic and floating a few kernels up to his mouth and munching.A nurse quietly rolls a large cartful of bandages into the ward. "It's time for a cleaning and bandage change." she says, the slightly heavier than average earth mare says. It's Nurse Redheart, and she gives the visiting royalty a 'look'. "I'm sorry, but could I get a little space?" she asks.
Bardigan's eyes widen. Him, telling a /story/ after so long /not/ talking? How could he resist? Hold on... no, no, he can't resist at all. The rose does a little hop of excitement at the amount of /pep/ Bardigan is suddenly putting into his voice. "Well, if you insist. It was a humdinger of a night, your majesties, and it all started when yours truly went for what should have been a typical cider run... little did I know I was about to be caught in a three way war between the interests of taxes, cider, and /revenge./" He's pretty sure revenge was involved in there, somewhere. He pauses, dramatically, imagining the wavy flowy bits of a flashback taking them back to, in his mind, a grainy, black-and-white version of Ponyville with a /lot/ more gaslamps and steamy sewer covers. "I put on my usual get-up for a Friday night and stepped into the cold chill of a spring evening. The air was nippy, but I wanted something with /bite./ The local meadery, run by a mare crazier than a jackalope under a full moon and just as quick with her comebacks, had just got a new shipment of hard cider..."
Luna bounces up and down gleefully! "We LOVE revenge!" she squeals! Trotting over to Twilight, she uses her considerable princess bulk to push the smaller purple princess into the center of the ward. "THOU must pay close attention and determine right and wrong and declare judgment with absolute authority, even unto execution. WE get to listen to a story!"
Twilight_Sparkle settles onto Bardigan's mental wavelength, or some sort of magic/pseudosciency thing like that. In any case, she closes her eyes. The lights in the room dim. And she projects images, in grainy, Noir-y monochrome, onto the opposite wall, as Bardigan describes them.
EconomistBrony simply watches, for the time being. He doesn't remember that much revenge... but maybe that was Nimbus's part to play. He smells popcorn and his mouth waters. Oh, such torture! He weeps internally.
Celestia perks and glances to the side as she finds herself joined by her private guard. She leans over to give a little kiss to his cheek, tossing a pillow beneath his rump just before he flops down atop it. "You read my mind," she whispers before finding a bowl from somewhere in the hospital and pouring him a small mound of popcorn. She then takes the box and what popcorn remains within it and begins munching. Now, if only she had some cake... at seeing Twilight's projection, however, the Princess of the Sun looks proud. But she does lean over to Luna and ask, 'has she not learned how to do that in Technicolor yet'?
Well, this is nice. He not only gets a pillow to sit on but also a smooch to the cheek from the Sun Princess. Life is good. Horn still aglow with the same aura as the Princess beside him, he keeps the bowl of popcorn floating before him and continuing to munch on the portion of the snack that he was left with.
Bardigan wanders down a thin street choked with steam from the nearby manhole covers, shrouded by a fedora and a heavy trenchcoat. 'I knew it was gonna be a crazy night by the way my tail itched, but you never get a good story just watching from the rear window. I headed north by northwest down spellbound street. Almost made it to my besotted happy place when I was accosted by a shady looking unicorn with a glare that could put Discord in order.' EB steps out of the shadows, his face partially illuminated by slanted light coming from a nearby street lamp. "Fine night, huh?" EB whispers in a gravelly growl. Bardigan looks concerned, but stops. "Well, it ain't exactly Fifth Avenue." EB chuckles, stamping his cigarette. "I was just headin' down to the speakeasy. Heard it's a real gas there. Wanna join me?" Bardigan glances over his shoulder. Wide shot from far down the street. "Sure. Let's."
A shaft of light cuts through the room, briefly obscuring Twilight's projections as the ward door presses open for a moment. A tiny figure, almost doubled in size by the buckled packs she's carrying on her back and sides, squirms awkwardly through the gap backwards. "H... hello, everypony? Mama's real busy, so she sent me to bring over some more bandages and salf... sal... gooey stuff for all the hurt ponies. Where can I put- WHOA." Starlight stops dead, mouth hanging open, staring at the 'movie' on the wall. She trots over there unthinkingly. "That is SO COOL..." and just stands there staring at it. She is without realizing it only inches from the very Library Princess that was terrorizing her dreams.
Luna yells, "HUZZAH, SALVE!" before catching herself. "Huzzah, salve!" she whispers, trotting over to the intruder. The pack is flicked open with Luna's horn, and she pulls out a jar in her teeth. Blue light surrounds nurse Redheart's hat, floating it over and placing it upside down on the floor next to Twilight, and the very tip of Luna's horn flashes. Space itself is pierced, and fluffy popcorn kernels start to drop out of the bottom of Celestia's bowl and into the hat across the room. Story preparations made, Luna sucks the lid off the jar and starts guzzling down the burn salve.
'Little did I know another old acquaintance of mine was going my way. Cute little number who'd bust your chops soon as look at ya.' Nimbus Dawning, dressed in what appears to be a newsboy cap, pokes her head out and hurries after the others, ducking inside. "'Ey, fathead! Try to give me da slip, will ya?" she says, bumping up against Bardigan, who grumbles. "Knock it off, I'm trying to drown in the drink, Nimbus." "Yeeeeah, not widdout me!" EB gives her a little nod and heads inside, exposing them to a roiling, smoke-filled place full of sultry mares dressed in slinky dresses and brawny stallions huddled over cards and shot glasses. "Bard," EB says, leading them to the bar, "you're a pony of stories, right?" "Give me a typewriter and I'll make it sing, Eco, what about it?" "Boy, I've got a story for you... see, there's this pony here. What's he's saying doesn't jive with what I'm hearing. I think you'd like to get first shot at the headlines, know what I'm saying?"
Celestia's eyes slowly pivot towards Luna as she notices it empty somewhat. "... You know, you /could/ have just asked, sister. You never know what moving things through the nigh-endless dimensions of space and time will do to something like popcorn."
Bardigan hops up to the bar and gives EB a terse look. "Now look here, Eco, I know you're involved in all that spook stuff. I don't want any part of that! I'm an observer, not a fighter." Nimbus leans forward. "Spook? You a spook, four-eyes?" EB shakes his head. "I don't got time to give the whole megillah, you two, just stick around and give it a chance, will ya? The guy I'm after is on edge as is. Take a look back there - no, don't /gander/ like there's no tomorrow, just /peek./ - that guy." A stallion is in the corner with a bunch of louts and thuggish types, with a ridiculously undersized red vest on his freakishly bulging muscles. Nimbus sniffs. "He don't look so tough. Let me have a bash at him!" "All in good time. So here's your story, Bard: a guy settles into a nice country like Equestria. He's got it all figured out. Nine to five, steady earning, thinks he's on top of the world. But then this pony, this nogoodnink, he starts lookin' around at all the glitz and glamour and thinks hey: this place has deep pockets, a few misplaced bits won't be missed, right? Wrong. I know where all the bits go. Guy thinks he's a spiv, but he's heading straight for the rivet when I'm through with him. Now you're a real pal, Bardi, and Nimbus here knows how to feed a shmuck a knuckle sandwich. If... big if... things go south, I wanna know you got my back."
Luna swivels a bluegreen eye at Celestia as she makes her hushed accusations. A pearly white tongue darts out, rolling around the inner surface of the jar at high speed, licking up the last drops of burn salve. Sucking the jar itself down and swallowing it whole, Luna scolds Celestia, "*WE* know exactly what it will do. It will pass through the Dimension of Duplicate Popcorn." Her wing sneaks down and scoops up the nurse's hat, now filling up with popcorn. Luna holds it up and gives Twilight a nudge with her shoulder. "Have a bit, Twilight Sparkle. Thou are on duty, it is true, but it is best to take pleasure in this duty where thou may. Thou shall be a princess too long to let it become a burden."
Scope just.. munches, looking across to Luna as she sucks down containers of salve with a lifted brow and a look of amusement and disgust and looking upward to the tall alicorn beside him with a slow shake of his head. "I think she'd enjoy antibiotic cream moreso than that stuff. Stir fry it up with some Lo-mein and some soy sauce and you have a healthy meal fit for a princess.
'Now Sky Blue's crazy, but she ain't chintzy. They don't cut the whiskey at her place and they always have the best entertainment. So I settle in while EB goes to have his talk and get back the gravy for the Big Ladies up in Canterlot, and listen in on the, ah, entertainment. What do they say about those kinds of mares with curves to kill? On fire? Well this girl, she was /red hot./ That was the third sign things would turn sour that night.' And Nitro Nine trots out on a nearby stage, dressed in a slinky, glamorous number, to the catcalls from the crowd and a quiet piano. Bardigan takes a large shot of whiskey as Nitro strides up to a microphone, and begins to croon a slow, melancholy song. "~We stood under the moon, we had to part too soon...~" Meanwhile, EB grabs the red-vested stallion with his magic and gives him a rude yank.
Twilight_Sparkle keeps projecting, but when Luna nudges her and speaks to her, she turns her head a bit, resulting in the movie being projected a bit further, and a bit more elongated, down the wall. "Huh? Oh, thanks, don't mind if I do!" She munches on the offered popcorn apprreciatively, and turns her head back in the optimal direction for projection. "Mm. Bardigan, I can tell you, whiskey isn't gonna solve your problems. For a list of some really excellent herbs that WILL, stop by the library some time."
EconomistBrony guffaws gently from his bed. "I did /not/ yank anyone rudely! I introduced myself politely."
Derpy sees Nitro Nine come on 'stage' and start singing. "BoOOO!" she shouts, leaning forward and scowling. "Booo! No fiiires!"
Nitro Nine narrows her eyes as she reaches over to grab some popcorn from Twilight. "Hey. I didn't do it on purpose!" she protests loudly.
'So there we are, having a gas, trying to fortify ourselves with the hardest cider this side of Appleloosa. I got fire in my belly, good music in my ears... and then, whaddaya know. It hits the fan.' Right in the middle of the song, there's a tremendous crash. EB has flipped the freakishly muscled stallion over onto a table, cracking it in half. Nitro watches on with feigned disinterest, and her horn starts to glow as she saunters from side to side on stage, and little tongues of fire follow her hoofsteps. "~What I'd give for you to say, you'll stay just one more day...~" The red-vested stallion gets up and snarls, "Hey flathoof! What's the big idea?" while the music /keeps playing./ EB scoffs, tilting back his fedora. "You got a lotta nerve, buddy. And you're /late./" "What a pistol!" Nimbus whistles appreciatively at the cut of EB's jib.
Starlight maintains the expression,
... with her mouth hanging open, with the attitude usually preceded by the phrase 'He's right behind me, isn't he?', in fits and starts she turns her head and stares over at Twilight's wings, then up at Twilight's horn. "... did... she just say... library?" Suddenly Starlight bursts into a FLAT PANIC! She screams, "OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHIT'STHELIBRARYPRINCESSANDI'MSITTINGRIGHTNEXTTOHERAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH" - and runs right out of her pack straps, hiding herself in the shadows under Skyheart's bed before her cargo even hits the floor! Huge shiny terrified eyes peer out at Twilight, shimmering in the moving light.Luna blinks at Starlight's outburst, giving the terrified filly a curious look. She puts a hoof on Twilight's shoulder, and murmers, "Thou have a task already." Then in a louder voice, still trying to not be quite loud enough to obscure Bardigan, she calls out, "Cellyyyy! One for thee!"
Celestia continues munching on popcorn. Now this is getting good. She does stare blankly at Luna at her call, however. "Yeees, beloved sister?" she asks
Luna jerks her head past Twilight at Starlight, cowering under Skyheart's bed. "Thine is the heart of comfort and gentleness, beloved sister. One here is in need of thy kindness."
Celestia's eyes turn towards the filly under the bed. "Oh, yes!" the Princess sets her popcorn down in front of Scope and makes her way over to Starlight. She gets down onto her knees and leans down to poke her head under the bed. "Now, now, there's no need to be scared, little one," the Princess's sings sweetly into the air like a lullabye.
Derpy goes over to Skyheart's bed and peeks under curiously as well, her gray face and maligned eyes blinking next to Celestia's.
Starlight cowers further into the darkness. Celestia can barely make out her tiny voice: "you're... an.... even... bigger... princess..."
Twilight_Sparkle is determined not to move her head this time! It is a supreme act of will, but she's projecting this story with her horn, and he's going to point her horn in one direction to the greatest extent possible. She turns her eyes toward Starlight, and smiles the warmest smile she can manage at that angle.
Starlight sees the ghastly sidewise grimace!
Story-Bardigan's jaw drops, along with his cider glass, as most of the meadery goes quiet. Derpy Hooves pops up from behind the bar, pointing her hoof at the two fighters. "Hey, G-Colt! You get all decked up just to come smash up my bar?!" "I'll just be a minute, baby, ease up," EB says, adjusting his tie as he leans towards the red-vested stallion while two goons stand, reaching into their trenchoats. "Now, /Mack,/ lemme ask you a question... what two things are certain in this world? Here's a hint: pick taxes." "Reach for the sky, coppah!" a gruff stallion shouts from behind, a drum-fed candy-cane machine gun in his hooves. If Starlight was nervous before, the sound of fairy-powder popping and candy canes ricocheting is probably enough to cause a heart attack.
Celestia ponders for a moment. Well, she knows one way to fix that! Her horn gains a great, golden glow... then in an instant, there's a chubby little (almost chibi-like) foal standing in front of Starlight. "Sooh-kay! She gud pon-ie," the alicorn baby gets on her side and rolls under the bed to be with Starlight. She reaches out and BOOPS! Starlight's nose before giggling cutely. She even has a tiny little tiara miraculously still on her head!
<OOC> Skyheart says, "Might just be me, but I /think/ Bardi's embellishing the story a bit. XD"
<OOC> EconomistBrony says, "I /did/ say the 'two things are certain...' line."
<OOC> Luna was there. This is ONE HUNDRED FIFTEEN PERCENT factual!
<OOC> Skyheart says, "There's so much fact we had to add some?"
<OOC> Othershy says, "It's canon now."
<OOC> You say, "Candy cane machine guns are a well known icon of Equestria's criminal underground."
<OOC> Othershy drinks the CANDY CORN LIQEUR.
<OOC> Luna 's alt sells them!
<OOC> Twilight_Sparkle is just the projector! Although she does appear to project a rather dashing, DiCaprio-esque Bardigan.
<OOC> EconomistBrony desperately hopes he's being played by a dashing actor.
<OOC> Luna says, "You're Morgan Freeman. Nopony knows why."
<OOC> EconomistBrony says, "Huzzah."
Derpy watches herself confront the brawlers in a swaggering noir voice and freezes half-turned, eyes whirling and Starlight forgotten.
'Now,' Bardigan says, as the story-version of him gasps and throws himself Nimbus behind the bar just as candy canes shatter and ricochet over the bartop, 'you might be thinking, Bardigan, how could a night like this get any worse? Well, remember when I said Sky Blue wasn't chintzy? Yeah, she ain't really on the level either... she'd drawn the ire of the worst possible vigilante a hard-boiled city like Ponyville could dredge up: Sweet-Tooth Tina.' And through the door rolls a foal-sized... ninja pony. Armed to the teeth (literally) with candy corn caltrops, pop rock grenades, and a katana of licorice, she hops and flips her through the cane storm and heads for the bar. "Trained by the Far East Sugar Syndicates, this pint-sized terror was here to clean up the speakeasy... whether it was a good time for the rest of us or not." EB flips a table and draws an oversized pistol, firing hard candy bullets over the top. Nitro is still singing... but she has a rather vicious grin on her face as the meadery erupts into PG-rated violence.
Starlight staaares at... at... Foalestia? "She's a... who're you..." she sticks her head out and looks around desperately. "Where did the really BIG princess go!?" she hisses. Then the battle breaks out in the movie! "AAHHH! BIG BADA B-" and in panic, leaps up... and WHANGS her head on the heavy bedframe. Slowly, almost gracefully, Starlight keels over. @.@
<OOC> Luna says, "This is all exactly as it happened."
<OOC> Celestia says, "Twist is Candy Batman."
<OOC> Twilight_Sparkle says, "Candy Baman."
<OOC> Luna says, "Either way, she can't pronounce it."
<OOC> Scope says, "Baman.. .. Baman...."
<OOC> Derpy exclaims, "Piderman!"
<OOC> Starlight says, "'This is my license number. If you can read it, you're smart. If you can pronounce it, you're Polish!'"
<OOC> Twilight_Sparkle says, "PIDERMAN I DON'T UNDERTAND WHAT YOU WANT"
Scope peers downward as now there's more popcorn infront of him, and no Celestia to be found.. Hmm. Just as the action's getting good, Scope snags said bowl in his magic and starts to munch once again.
Luna claps her hooves excitedly, bouncing up and down on her haunches next to Twilight! "This must be the part with the revenge! Revenge is our favorite part! So far, we are not quite certain what it is thou must judge, but no doubt that will be the plot twist. Every master bard includes one."
EconomistBrony is impressed. Though he really prefers more elegant weapons, from a more civilized age.
<OOC> Luna says, "You're saying you want a lightsaber."
<OOC> EconomistBrony says, "A candy lightsaber."
Twilight_Sparkle frowns a little bit, at that. "The problem is, if every master bard includes one, maybe that means a master bard can't tell certain kinds of stories." She continues projecting, nonetheless.
<OOC> Luna says, "Although this IS pretty much how the scene happened. He's just giving it a nice noir flavor. The original scene was more cyberpunk."
<OOC> Bardigan couldn't believe it when we all found out EB was a cyborg.
<OOC> EconomistBrony says, "Inorite? And that the engine was in my top hat /all along/."
<OOC> Luna says, "Still wasn't enough to stop CANDY BAMAN."
( TOO LATE. Foalestia has already rolled under the bed and is looking at Starlight with those massive adorable foal eyes. "I'm her! S-okay, we're gud poni-eees." She grabs the corner of a giant blanket in her widdle mouth and tugs it over Starlight before beginning to roll her up in it, like a burrito. )
Derpy slips back under Skyheart's bed and attempts to snuggle down next to poor Starlight on the other side from Foalestia. She'll lick her too, if permitted.
Celestia continues rolling up Starlight untill she's quite well trapped inside blanketburrito. She plants a kiss on Starlight's forehead, because she can and Princesskisses make everything better.
"No guns! No guns!" Derpy cries ineffectually as Bardigan swiftly pulls out his own pocket pistol. Never mind how he's able to hold it. Or fire it. "Sky Blue! Your dishonor has brought the wrath of all honey-loving children! I am here to confiscate your ill-begotten gains!" Sweet Tooth Tina shouts, braving the bullets flying everywhere. "Who in the heck is /that?/" Bardigan sputters as he leaps over the bar top and fires at the red-vested stallion and his goons. He nails one, then another, before ducking back down. "Nice iron sights, fathead," Nimbus grins, "but I like a more direct approach!" and with that, she leaps into the air and dive-bombs a random group of ponies who may or may not have actually been shooting at EB. Oh, well, according to the film they're clearly shooting at /somepony./ "UNENDING SUGAR HIGH!" 'Tina' shouts as she hurtles down the bar, actually /jumping on the candy canes/ as they whiz by to propel her towards the back room. "LOLLIPOP LOOP!" she shouts, making a very impressive backflip through a hail of bullets, simultaneously beaning three stallions in the head with graham cracker shurikens.
<OOC> Luna says, "EXACTLY how the scene happened. I remember every word."
<OOC> EconomistBrony remembers it like it was yesterday.
Starlight's second eye gets itself together and swivels to focus on Foalestia as she gets kissed. In a very small voice, she says, "please don't burn me"
Bardigan hops over the bar and rolls towards EB, taking cover as candy canes skip and burst on the ground by him, plugging holes in his trenchcoat. "'Lemme tell ya' a story, you said!'" Bardigan chides the economist. "It'll be a gas, you said!" "Don't flip your wig, hotshot," EB shoots back, "just cover me while I collect the greenbacks!" Bardigan pops out of cover, sending hard candy downrange as EB hurries to close the distance. Meanwhile, Nitro, /still singing on stage,/ gasps as her fabulous dress is torn by a stray shot. "You interrupted /my solo!/" she shrieks, and now flames begin to erupt in random spots all over the ground. Tina lassoes a rafter and swings into the door to the back room, obviously heading for Sky Blue's honey stores. "JUSTICE TASTES LIKE CARAMEL!" And the door explodes inwards. Sirens are heard outside the door.
( Foalestia gasps. "I'd never burn yoo!" She proceeds to squeeze on into the burrito with Starlight so she's got a twin. "I'm here ta help!" )
"It's the fuzz! The jig is up!" a random stallion wails just before EB karate chops his neck and sends him to the floor, bringing him face to face with the red-vested pony. EB brings up his gun, and it clicks. Drat! Dramatically out of ammo! "Youse must be the honcho G-Colt, huh?" he growls, charging EB and tackling him to the ground just as the front door bursts open. "AYE THA' BE ABOUT ENOUGH, YE POTATO-SHAPED BO'OM DWELLERS!" a police pony with a frankly too-large-for-his-head moustache shouts. Candy canes whiz by his head, prompting him to take out his own gun and begin firing back with expert precision. Ponies begin to dive out the windows or give up... and as ammo runs out, resort to their hooves. "STAY YOUR HOOVES, LAW-KEEPERS!" Tina shouts as she flips back into view, three jars of honey held under her arm. "I ONLY CHEW THE CANDY THAT CANNOT CHEW ITSELF!" "Wellll, Sweet Tooth Tina! We've been lookin' for ye!" the police sergeant says over the din. "But the law says I gotta bring ya in! Git 'er, boyos!"
Twilight_Sparkle peers at her own horn projection. Her eyes angle toward Bardigan's. "...really? You're SURE this is accurate."
"Oh, completely! I remember it like it was yesterday," Bardigan says with a smile. "... Give or take a couple weeks." He shifts uncomfortably. "There was a lot going on. Gotta fill in the gaps, you know?"
Luna tilts her own head a little to the side, right next to Twilight, and points out, "He IS known first and foremost for telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We had no idea he was so stallionly, however. Perhaps this is not a matter for punishment, and instead thou ought to award him a barony?"
Starlight squeezes her eyes shut and stiffens up. She has no idea how to deal with this. She sat next to maybe a monster and hid and then a REALLY BIG princess turned into a REALLY SMALL princess and now is cuddled up to her, and... wait... Really big princess? White? Long magical mane? "oh no are you celestia? i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry your majesty please don't burn me"
"Hold on! I'm on your side! Check my papers! The pap-acck!" EB shouts at the police as he wrestles with the red-vested pony. Bardigan, seeing the economist in danger, performs a feat of daring do by leaping out from cover and dive-rolling across another table, using his momentum to perform a flying drop kick right into the muscular pony's jaw, and send him crashing to the ground. But just as they celebrate their victory, police pour into the building, pointing guns this way and that, crashing through windows and every available door. Seeing no escape, everypony, even Nimbus, puts up their hooves. "All right, see," a nasally, high pitched voice says from the door, "I dunno what kinda kicks you low-lifes were lookin' for here, but it all ends now, see? Nyeah." Marble Memory, dressed in perhaps the snazziest possible four button long jacket a pony can wear, stalks in, flanked by even more cops.
Celestia giggles and remains cuddled next to Starlight. She brings up a hoof and pushes it to Starlight's mouth. "Sssssssh. Sallgood."
Starlight is silenced and comes within a hair of [BUY SOME APPLES]ing herself out of abject terror.
Memmy sneaks over and snuggles up into Twilight's hooves, watching the show and giggling.
Twilight_Sparkle lowers her head and nuzzles Memmy, giggling softly with the little filly!
MArble Memory suddenly snaps out of his impromptu nap and casts his glances about. "Memoire? Memoire?"
Luna leans over and pokes Marble with a wing. "Thy case is being presented before the princess for judgment. Observe closely," she Royal Canterlot Whispers.
Memmy looks up as Daddy calls her! She looks at Twilight and babbles something at her. Then she buzzes her tiny wings, attempting to drag the princess over to her father.
Derpy wriggles around and sees tiny Celestia making a burrito of the delivery-filly. Her maw slowly widens. A leg rises and a hoof points at the miniature princess. "...Is YOU!! Featherpink filly! From ~parade!!~" Derpy may not be making sense, but she obviously has an accusation on her mind.
"Marble! Tell these guys to lay down their irons! We're innocent I tells ya!" Marble waves a hoof. "Cut the gas, EB, I know you like to throw a bash, but you went too far this time, see? Nyeah." "You got no jurisdiction here, Chancellor! This was /my/ gig and you're cutting in like a two-bit broad at a high school dance! I'm workin' to improve the lot of the common pony, you know that!" "You're a rogue element EB, and my town's havin' none of it, see? All I see is a meadery goin' up in smoke an' vigilantes shootin' up my nice orderly town, nyeah! Somepony wanna give me the proper skinny before I throw you knuckleheads up the river?" Tina looks back and forth at the police ponies advancing on her, her hoof sneaking towards a small pouch at her side...
<OOC> Marble_Memory loves what a gangster he is. xD
<OOC> Skyheart says, "Should I be glad I wasn't mentioned yet? XD"
( Joining us is Skyheart playing the part of The Mastermind Behind It All In The Back Corner. )
<OOC> EconomistBrony says, "It was the POET the whole time!"
<OOC> Othershy says, "Which one?"
"I'm a pony of the law, Marble! You let these guys go and I swear I'll sort the hooligans from the hipsters for you with my own two hooves! I got papers to prove I'm legit!" "We'll sort all that out at the joint, see? Nyeah. You're all comin' with me, see? I'm the law in this town and I'm gonna see what's what for /myself,/ see? Nyeah." But before any of them can get any further, Tina makes a break for it as Marble goes over to give EB a flippant smack with his hoof glove. Nitro Nine, in the background, argues loudly with the cops as they move in to arrest everypony, indiscriminately. Marble sniffs. "Now if you say these 'papers' are in your bags, let's just see 'em, see-" "MYSTIC CONFECTION CLOUD!" Tina shouts, cracking open a pixie stick and blowing the tip. The entire meadery is suddenly flooded by a thick, cloying, sugary fog. As everypony coughs and sputters, Tina is seen as a shadowy figure heading for the door. It's at this point Nitro's patience seems to break. "I... have had enough... of your filthy paws ruining my dress!" she shrieks, and bursts into magical flame.
Starlight keeps her eyes squeezed shut and whispers, "help.... please..."
Bardigan sighs as the tale reaches its climax. Over slow motion shots of the sugary mist catching aflame, Tina (it's actually Twist) leaping into a go-kart made of candy to make her epic getaway, and movie-Bardigan solemnly watching the sparks spread into a blossoming explosion, the bard narrates. 'So, what more can I say? One bard goes out looking for a story and it all blows up in his face. Heh, you ever wonder where that saying came from? I learned it that night, the hard way. I dunno what Sweet-Tooth Tina was really there for, why Nitro was in such a tizzy, or even what beef Marble's got with EB... this story wasn't wrapped up nice and neat by any means. The one thing I can take away from that night for certain? Never light a match in a room full of pixie dust.'
KA-BOOM.
Freeze frame of Sweet Tooth Tina driving at the screen, with the meadery exploding behind her as the credits roll to the sounds of sweet jazz.
Bardigan nods firmly. "And that's pretty much exactly how it happened."
EconomistBrony would applaud, but he's in traction.
Celestia does peep out from 'neath the bed to applaud, quickly reforming in a blaze of golden glory.
Derpy stands just outside Skyheart's bed, looking back at the screen with her jaw way down and her tail twisted.
Starlight notices that the blanket has loosened, btu just bivvers. She is hoping she's just having that nightmare again.
( Memmy wanders around, finally finding a good place to snuggle with Starlight! She curls up against the larger filly and babbles something adorable, before pointing to herself. "Memmy!" )
Starlight cracks an eye and looks around desperately before catching sight of Memoire. She opens her other eye and slowly sits up, watching the foal instead of remembering she's in a room full of monst- I mean, princesses.
Luna rears up on her hind legs, clapping her front hooves thunderously! "HUZZAH! MOST ENTERTAINING!" Sitting back down, she whispers to Twilight (still rather loudly), "Methinks it was not *I* the playwright made himself look more stallionly to impress." Giving Twilight a nudge with her wing, Luna stands up properly, and puts the Royal Canterlot Voice to work, blasting the room with wind and noise. "HEAR YE, HEAR YE, PONIES OF EQUESTRIA! THE CHANCELLOR OF PONYVILLE AND THE ROYAL EXCHEQUER HAVE ACCUSED EACH OTHER OF MISCONDUCT IN THIS INCIDENT, CREATING DISASTER OUT OF A MERELY DIFFICULT JOB. THEIR FATES REST NOW IN THE WISDOM OF PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE. HER WORD IS LAW."
( Memmy pokes a hoof at Starlight. Then she points at herself again. "MEMMY." the little foal says, a bit louder this time. )
Oh great, Marble just knows this won't end well. Librarians *always* run things so effectively. Marble is beginning to feel a little resentment at being the Chancellor. His constituency doesn't appreciate him and every time he tries to do his job it seems to make his life worse.
Starlight SCREECHES - "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH" - when Luna pronounces, and RUNS for the door! She trips on her own discarded backpack and goes down hard, all four hooves spread out, and spins to a stop somewhere a little past Twilight. That's the third knock to the skull in 24 hours. The poor thing is going to wind up with a busted skull cutie mark at this rate. Starlight is a dazed cushion.
EconomistBrony waits silently on his bed, still in traction. "... Princesses. While I continue to profess my innocence in the matter, I would like to drop my claim against the Chancellor. While I disagree with his course of action, I do not think it was malicious - in fact, I believe he did what he thought was best."
Twilight_Sparkle perks her ears, and looks at EB, tilting her head with a slight nod. She clears her throat. She's not good at this Royal Canterlot voice thing. she is at heart a librarian, and has spent a lot of time shushing people.
Luna wanders over and prods Starlight with a hoof as Twilight dispenses justice with an iron hoof. "We shall be spending all night removing nightmares from this poor filly's dreams. We will bring the Royal Stuffed Animal Collection."
Twilight_Sparkle says "Um...is this thing on? I, PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE...UM, BEING OF SOUND MIND, AND SOUND BODY, TOO, although I don't see how my physical health relates to this decision, but in case it does, I'm doing just fine, thanks...*deep breath*"
Marble thinks a moment. While he still believes EB made the wrong choice... "The explosion was not the economist's fault. While I maintain he should have approached me earlier..."
Twilight_Sparkle pauses, and tilts her head toward Marble, just as she did toward EB a minute before. She smiles again.
EconomistBrony turns his eyes towards Marble. "Regardless, Chancellor Memory here is my friend. And I would not want to lose that friendship for even my own life."
Twilight_Sparkle says "I DECLARE THAT YOU BOTH ARE REALLY PERFECTLY NICE PONIES, AND GOOD AT YOUR JOBS, AND YOU SEEM TO HAVE FORGIVEN EACH OTHER, SO LET'S ALL JUST CARRY ON WITH THINGS."
Starlight is slid a few inches backwards along the ground by the force of Twilights ROYAL CANTERLOT PRONOUNCEMENT.
Twilight_Sparkle coughs.
Derpy gasps, beaming smiles on both officials and Bardigan and everyone present. But then another thought burbles up and she turns to face Twilight. "But Twist-Tie! And Fiery!!" she implores.
Luna dusts off her hooves. "Well, then that is taken care of. Welcome to being a princess, Twilight Sparkle." She leans over, pressing her shoulder to Twilight affectionately, then trots over to Tiny Celestia. "Our work here is done. I must be off to dreamland. I am badly needed." Luna gives her head a jerk, indicating the concussed Starlight.
<OOC> Celestia is no longer tiny!
<OOC> Celestia is big again.
Luna trots over to Big Fat Butt Celestia, then.
<OOC> Celestia nods. Precisely.
Skyheart is finally awoken by too much Royal Canterlot Voice in the middle of the hospital. He groans and moves around a bit. Opening his eyes, he's not entirely sure what he's seeing. His head is still pounding.
Twilight_Sparkle nods at Luna. Turning back to Derpy, she inquires, "Do we know where they are? They ought to feel safe coming and telling their stories too."
( "Yes. Excellent work, Princess Twilight Sparkle," the Princess of the Sun says to her most faithful student, walking ver to Twilight to wrap a wing around her. "I am quite proud of you. You shall make a fine Princess." She wingsnugs her once before removing her wing and returning to Luna. "And I ought to be returning to Canterlot as well. Shall we use the Night Sky again?" )
Derpy shrugs. Then she nods. "Yes!" She shakes her hindquarters where her mail panniers would be if she were on duty. "Have ad-dresses! Will find!"
Bardigan smiles under his bandages, pretty confident that he was the reason everything turned out fine with his amazing eloquence. His favorite Princesses got to see another story of his and even enjoyed it. EB and Marble won't have to behead each other. Tonight could not get much better.
Bardigan then thinks he could be /not/ be wracked with pain from seventy-three broken bones, but he'll take what he can get.
Luna gives Twilight a bright, maybe slightly evil smile over her shoulder. "If thou feel this case should be pursued further, find them and judge them. As we said, welcome to being a princess." She walks over to the door of the hospital ward, pushing it open with her horn. Instead of a hallway, it opens into the night sky, and she walks through. The moment the tip of her spectral tail passes, the rose and stapler fall onto their owners' bellies, inert.
Starlight disagrees with Bardigan. Tonight was TERRIBLE! There were princesses and they were SCARY and they HURT her and... and she was a huge klutz... right in front of them... and ran away and hurt herself more, and... Starlight staggers to her hooves (displacing Memmy) and stares at the floor. A tear falls. Then another. And in moments, weeping freely, Starlight is out the door and gone, presumably home.
Bardigan waggles a hoof at Twilight, jingling all the pulleys attached to it. "I love the way you handled that," he writes on his paper pad.
Twilight_Sparkle smiles at Bardigan, blushing a little!
Derpy goes over and gives Bardigan a kiss. "~Very~ story," she assures him.
